Wow, thanks for the responses.
I've already found those. The point is that I'm trying to avoid using an $8 part. I'm also trying to get continuously variable control (or near it, 100+ steps) electronically.
The LMH6502, the linear version of the LMH6505, is not only expensive, but has worryingly low levels of stock on Digikey. This is a clue that I maybe shouldn't use it in a new OSHW design. LT's offering looks a little healthier, but is equally expensive.
The AD603 looked promising. But (correct me if I misunderstood the datasheet) it seems to only allow me to select one of the 7 or 8 taps. That's much too coarse for my purposes. However, if it allowed my to select any or all of them, for 8-bit control, then it might work. I've considered rolling my own with a IO expander, an array of FETs, and a bunch of resistors. The only question is what would happen when I try pushing a 10MHz square wave through it. If anyone knows of a 8-bit DAC with external reference that can handle having a high frequency signal driven into that reference pin then let me know.
I've also looked at optically coupling a steady control signal to a small variable conductance element in an opamp's feedback loop. Unfortunately, nearly all optocouplers use photo diodes or transistors and seem to be designed for on-off operation. I can't find anything with a gradual curve. Photoresistive optos only exist as obscure niche components. (and I've decided against rolling my own out of a LED, a cad-cell, and a bit of heat shrink. That would be a little hackish)
This thread has effectively answered my question. That no, I'm not just being thick. What I'm trying to to actually is that hard. There's no simple way to do it with a couple opamps and a few discrete transistors. So for now I'll just stick with the (slightly less expensive) LMH6505. I think I can manage the linear-in-dB thing.