Controller wise, the first thing is, are you confident to learn to fly it, or do you want it to fly itself,
This will divide between GPS controllers and non GPS controllers, the non will still have a stability mode where they will return to a hover, but on a windy day or due to you not calibrating the accelerometers dead level it can still go running off at a few kmph, Ideally you should learn how to atleast hover a quad in Acro mode, just to recover if something goes wrong, but you build up to it,
For command, it comes down to the size of the quad and the distances you want it to respond within, Inside a house with a little 200g mini, bluetooth could work, for around 800g and outdoors i would say go proper RC, the amount of times i have been furthur away than it looked, and had to recover it from 200m away near trees, I've been glad i could trust the control link.
The ESC's and Motors will strongly come down to your mass, flytime and top speed, many RC groups have calculators for them.
Personally i ended up going with a prebuilt - Walkera F210, It has hit the ground atleast 100 times with minimal injury, (the feet are fragile, but a 3D printer cranks out replacements), The main thing i clued in to early on was expect that you will hit the ground hard, and learn how to slow it down, and reduce the risk of damage,