This may not be the place to talk about this, but I feel my story might help others who may not realize what they are going through. I had previously posted in this thread saying I was kind of feeling the same way, and mentioned vitamin D. Depression also got mentioned by others. I kind of gave it some thought but brushed it off.
Well for me anyway, it turns out it was depression slowly setting in. A few days ago, I started to feel sad for no apartment reason. Also completely lost motivation to do anything. At least with my ongoing lack of motivation I had SOME just not a lot. 2nd day was worse. I was starting to wonder if something is really up. I was in a really dark place. Felt like nothing had meaning, nothing was fun or satisfying. Not even simple things like watching TV or playing video games. I wanted nothing. I went to bed hoping it would just go away, but I felt anxious and butterflies in my stomach and that throat feeling when you're sad. By morning (Wednesday) I was considering checking myself in to the MHU. It was bad. My sense of purpose was just gone and I was just filled with unexplainable sadness and grief. I called my mom, I just had to talk to someone. I told her how I felt, and that I think I'm having a depression. We talked for a while and she helped me feel better, and she told me I should just go for a walk. Yeah it's cold out, but just do it.
Long story short because I've become complacent with my job, and love my night shifts, and generally love going to bed late and sleeping in, it just caught up with me. I never get sun light, and don't socialize much. Always just doing the same thing over and over. So I went for that walk, then my mom came to visit me for a while, and then I went for another walk. When I got back from the walk I did a few things around the house that needed to be done. I then went to visit my mom and my dad was now done work and stayed over with them for a while. At some point I started to feel better but it was up and down. I was debating on even just sleeping over to my parents' as they offered, but I wanted to try to power through this so went home, took two tylenols and slept well.
Also, Vitamin D tablets don't replace the vitamin D you get from the sun. They will help for things like bone and dental health so it's still good to take them, but they don't help with the mental aspect. So for anyone feeling this way, your first step is to really try to get some sun every day. For a red head like me, I don't even need that long, like 15 minutes maybe? (there's not really any 100% answer as it depends on lot of factors like latitude and atmospheric conditions) But try to get more. Myself I will make it a case to go for a walk around the block every day. Who cares if it's freezing, once you start it's not that bad. I also need to stop going to bed so late on my days off because I end up getting late and miss out on day light. Need to do things out of the house, and go visit people more, like my grandparents and parents. And friends. And if I don't do any plans I need to at least set goals for each day so I accomplish something rewarding. Need to try to do more than just be on the computer.
You do not want to fall in the dark place I fell in recently. Honestly if I had been in that place for any longer I think I would have started to feel suicidal. I really feel bad for anyone that has to suffer this chronically, especially those who do so in silence. The best thing to do is to talk to someone, whether it's family, friends, or a counselor. I have a Dr. appointment next week, just for a general checkup as I had been wanting to take better care of my health even before this hit, but I will mention this incident to my doctor too. I feel good now that I talked to my parents but I can't just ignore it and continue living the same life. Need to shake some things up. One thing I did do is decide to not work as many night shifts, going to ask to just be put back on normal rotation. I worked lot of nights since I enjoyed them, not realizing it was messing with my health. What I got is most likely Seasonal Affective Disorder. Google that and see if you hit all the checkboxes, because I do, or at least did. Now I know what I need to fix it and sunlight and socializing is the two main things.
I just thought I would share my experience with depression. I think it may help a people here who may not realize they are suffering it, we are all geeks who probably spend too much time indoors, and always working our brains. Sometimes you need to shut down and just go for a walk outside no matter how cold it is. Winter is the worse time for this because you don't really want to spend more time outside than you have to and there is a very short window of opportunity to get day light.