Thanks for the replies. I was not ready to accept that wire is so very different but this has helped me understand it better.
The issue comes up mainly when I sell/buy used items that cost let's say 5000 EUR (e.g. a spectrum analyzer).
Inevitably the question of how to pay for the item comes up. You already have haggled back and forth a bit and agree on a price but then the buyer wants to use paypal (which is OK). The problem is that accepting payments via paypal adds additional fees that vary so vastly depending on where in the world you are (I mean, your paypal account), where your buyer is located and whether there is a currency conversion necessary. Then there may be a difference if the transfer is for goods and services or just 'sending money'.
And who is paying the fee? Let's first see how much it is.
Let's say the buyer is in the US and the price did not include shipping. Shipping an heavy item with UPS (as private individual) costs around 340 EUR. Paypal fees will then amount to ca 235 EUR (receiving in Finland: 3.4%+1% for US/Canada) and that is not including the conversion from USD to EUR for the buyer which is even more expensive if done via paypal (2.5%-4% over wholesale). So the US buyer can either add the funds in EUR from his debit card (his bank does the conversion) or in USD and let paypal do the conversion. I am not sure but if I send a paypal money request then the buyer can do the payment directly with his credit card (so, not from paypal balance) and use the option that allows him to use the card issuer's conversion rates? At least I can do that when I pay. Anyway, I will never see the cost of the conversion since that happens on the buyer side.
So, 235 EUR fees.
I don't want to pay that since I just haggled and maybe also gave a discount on shipping ... the things you do to make a sale happen. And the fee is entirely caused by the choice of payment method by the buyer. But maybe I just have to accept that this is the cost of selling my used gear. Then again, it is not just about the fees or being inconvenient, I think this is about protection.
Paypal offers buyer's protection which doesn't really do anything for the seller by the way (charge-back protection?
That's not even handled by paypal if the seller used his credit card, which most do). So in my eyes I am the one paying for the buyer protection. I can ask the buyer so send the money "for friends and family" but that immediately makes me look like a scammer again. Actually why? You can still do the payment with the credit card and get protection that way.
Given a choice between a paying service identical to paypal, same fees and convenience minus the buyer's protection, I think paypal would always be preferred.
Is it OK to ask the buyer to cover the paypal fees? Paypal actually says no, that's against their terms. So you have to call it something else like "handling fee"
Meanwhile online stores are surcharging when you want to pay using a credit card (stipulating additional fees for payments by bank transfer, direct debit or debit/credit card will be prohibited in the EU starting 2018 by the way).
Wire transfer sounded like a very reasonable alternative but I can see that it is connected with a lot of inconvenience outside of EU. Thanks for helping me understand that.
PS, the fees are actually a lot less if the US buyer pays them from their end, but that form of transfer is not covered by the buyer's protection. Maybe I should get a US paypal account, hmmmm!