Social media - I just can’t...

[frozenfrogz]

I am 35.
I was born and raised with a lot of technical things surrounding me (my dad is a network admin for a public museum and some other public service departments / trained TV technician, studied electronics).
I was introduced to BTX prior to the internet and discovered the digital world through the console.
My first own computer was an Apple II and I went through all the good things like having to write a boot disk with some clever driver management to free up enough lower memory to be rewarded with a DOS game actually loading.
All that is maybe why I love using "simple" PHP bulletin boards like this.

Now, the following problem occurs again and again: I just can not deal with all the "new school" social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, you name it. Trying to get a hang of those always leaves me frustrated. I would love to just not use them and don’† care, but sadly my job (I am a product designer) seems to involve using those platforms from hell!
As you might notice, I am leaving Youtube out of the listing, mainly because I think it works very differently (type of actual content) than those mentioned above.

I am more or less forced to use Facebook to keep track of what others around me are doing (job related). A lot of jobs from companies for designing furniture, tableware, lamps for architecture and general lighting, etc. are actually coming through Instagram - at least for the businesses of friends and colleagues that are also product designers and heavily use a lot of social media channels.

It is not that I have fear of not having enough work / earning money / ... but I realize, that I just can not deal with that kind of communication. It might sound crazy, but I am feeling old and stupid. I do not want to use mobile apps on my phone to "get the full experience". It’s frustrating.
Am I alone in this? Sometimes it feels like I am missing out on something, but I just can’t!

Kind regards,
Frederik

[SeanB]

You are not alone, just regard it as a strictly business tool, and never use it after hours. As well only use it if possible on a single computer, and on all others block all the subsidiaries that otherwise track your every usage and location to sell to advertisers.

[Bud]

I do not use any of that shit, and in fact i am proud of it, as it keeps me free from herd mentality. I was laughing every time i looked at the TV in the hallway on my way to the bathroom where red faced Zuk on one side and bunch of morons in their chairs on the other side made big deal out of Facebook data. To me they can go facckk each other  and it does not affect my life in any way. I leave that to Kardashian fans.

[Fsck]

I just got back on facebook. I was told by a friend that networking is key to future success.

[abraxa]

Reading your post, I wondered if it's the content or the user interface that rubs you the wrong way. For me personally, it's definitely the user interface. They seemingly love to create "discoverable" user interfaces where you don't even know a function exists until you trigger it by sheer accident or someone shows you. Icons that give you no indication of what they do when you touch them. Confusion about whether a button shows the current state or the state the app will have after you touch it. No "undo" or "revert" function (the "apply" button in desktop applications is apparently also a thing of the past now). No indication of what apps can actually do and how to accomplish a given task.
Discoverability goes down the drain quickly if you can perform destructive or unintended actions while trying to discover the interface of the application. But no, this is apparently the norm now.

I get it, though. Intentionally designing your hip app this way encourages social interaction with your peers because you're trying to figure out together how to operate it and share discoveries among them.

Yeah, sorry for that little rant but frozenfrogz kinda hit a nerve there

[The Soulman]

I have the same age as the op, and I don't use "social" media at all, cant stand the crummy interface and why even bother wit it.
To me it is completely nonsense, and mankind has proven to survive very well without it.

Don't get me started on "smart"-phones, ergonomics anyone?

About apps, you don't control them, they control you. 

[Karel]

Am I alone in this?

Absolutely not. I don't use any social media apart from Telegram.
My smartphone is activated with a fake email-address which I never use.
I cannot and will not check my email on my smartphone.

If I want interaction with other people, I visit or invite them, or I go to a bar.

[joeqsmith]

... but I realize, that I just can not deal with that kind of communication. It might sound crazy, but I am feeling old and stupid. I do not want to use mobile apps on my phone to "get the full experience". It’s frustrating.
Am I alone in this? Sometimes it feels like I am missing out on something, but I just can’t!

Kind regards,
Frederik

I have no desire to own a cell phone. 

[Zero999]

I'm the same. I do have a Facebook account but hardly ever use it.

I find touchscreens a pain to use and would rather use a desktop PC than those buggy crapps.

I'm a similar age to the original poster. I wonder if it's a generational thing? Perhaps if I was born in the year 2000, I'd love social media and the shitty user interface?

I wonder if many people who were in the mid 30s plus, said similar things about the Internet, when that first became mainstream in the mid 90s?

I suspect people generally become less apt at dealing with new things, as they get older and some are better at it than others.

[rdl]

I'm retired now, never had a facebook account and have only visited the site a few times. Just never saw any need for it, and that Zuckerberg guy gives me an icky feeling.  Twitter is okay I guess. I don't really use it though. My phone is a dumb phone, cost me $15, works fine.

[GreyWoolfe]

... but I realize, that I just can not deal with that kind of communication. It might sound crazy, but I am feeling old and stupid. I do not want to use mobile apps on my phone to "get the full experience". It’s frustrating.
Am I alone in this? Sometimes it feels like I am missing out on something, but I just can’t!

Kind regards,
Frederik

I have no desire to own a cell phone.

I get you on this.  I have a Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge and use it for nothing more than calls, some texting and playing solitaire.  I spend way too much time on my company phone as that is how I work.  Us remote techs have our phones and laptops.  SWMBO, on the other hand, does a completely immersive experience with hers.  What's funny is not that many years ago, she wanted nothing to do with smartphones.  "I just need something simple to make calls and text".  Yeah, right.  She does 10 times the stuff I do and then some. 

Frozen, I am 61 myself.  I didn't grow up with technology.  I played with Erector sets, Tonka trucks and played stick ball, foot ball, whatever ball depending on the season.  Now I work from home and have a company van.  I don't let technology get the best of me but it sure beats having a real job.  I do limited facebooking with those people that are scattered around the country that are important to me and that's it.  NO Instagram, shapchat, twitter or any other crap.

You aren't missing out on anything.  I know I am not.  I actually get more enjoyment out of <gasp> reading an actual paper book than anything else except spending quality time with SWMBO.  I enjoy technology but I refuse to let it run my life or define me.

[abraxa]

I wonder if many people who were in the mid 30s plus, said similar things about the Internet, when that first became mainstream in the mid 90s?

I suspect people generally become less apt at dealing with new things, as they get older and some are better at it than others.

I don't think that's what it is. To me, it's that we have established characters and enough self-esteem/-confidence to understand that social networks are little more than neatly wrapped Skinner boxes, designed to condition people to become addicted to attention and recognition - or at least fulfill the desire for it, if a person has been craving it already.

In my country, a lot of people of my mother's generation embrace social media with wide open arms because it lets them feel like their social circles are expanding. They, of all people, should be sceptical - and yet, the advantages and peer pressure make them join. At least though, they're not all about ego and image as the current young generation seems to be.

Also, keep in mind that young people have always been adopting trends that the older generation didn't want or like - simply to make it a point that they're different. I'd be surprised if it was any different here. Older people (including me) hate the user interfaces but young people apparently embrace them. It certainly is one way to keep the old folks out of their in circles.

[JohnnyMalaria]

Oh, you have know idea how good your post made me feel You're 17 years my junior and have the same hatred I do!

There's a couple I use mainly for visibility for my career: ResearchGate and LinkedIn. Both have given me excellent leads to necessary work. Sadly, LinkedIn is taking on a Facebook feel.

I had a Facebook account - rarely used it. I deleted in just a couple of days before the shit hit the fan recently.

Like many, I just cannot stand the interface even on the desktop. I hate that crap on a phone. How on earth people conduct all their business computing needs on a phone baffles me. Often, they have never used an application such as Excel on a PC. When they see what itcan do, they freak.

Imagine designing circuits and PCB layouts!

[PA4TIM]

I'm from 1963, The thing I most do with my smartphone is trying to find where I put the bloody thing.
I only use it for mail if I am out-house.
But the thing I like about it (Nokia Lumina 925 I think) is the camera. That is really handy for my work (Component level repair) I make pictures from everything, like the position of connectors, which screws go where etc. They are sharp and it needs very little light. 
Before this I had a Nokia E93, that was a very nice phone with a keyboard.

No facebook, instagram , skype etc. Only linkedin but not active, I do not like it either. My favorite communication is mail or a forum like this. My favorite source of information is Youtube.

[JohnnyMalaria]

But the thing I like about it (Nokia Lumina 925 I think) is the camera.

I've got the 928 which is the Verizon badged version. I love that phone. Had it since 2012. I love WP8.1. I dread the day I have to choose between the duopoly of gaudy circus phones [Tried WP10. Yuck.]

Most of the other people I know with WP phones always apologize when they take it out 

[frozenfrogz]

Thanks y’all!
I felt like slowly going insane, because everyone* except me seemed to be a social media connoisseur, embracing it.
*just my impression, never really started that conversation IRL, but maybe I should...

As abraxa mentioned, maybe it is the UI and I can also very much relate to the argument that the shallow mode of conversation might be responsible for the mental turn-off.

Thank you for letting me in on your perspectives.

Btw. GreyWoolfe: Although there was a lot of technology around, it was limited access by my parents and I have had a lot of fun playing with my friends with LEGO, Meccano, Kosmos experimental kits (chemistry, physics,...) and building things from wood and stuff I dragged home from the curb. When staying at a friends house, there were some excessive C64 sessions and later on null modem marathons playing Command and Conquer, War Craft I + II, Duke Nukem etc. though.

[TerraHertz]

1955 represent!
By deliberate choice, I'm a Contrarian. If I see a majority following some new fashion, I'll usually take an opposite path. Mainly for the peace and quiet, and less-seen places that brings me to. Speaking allegorically, I find there's a lot less trash on the ground in places far from the crowd. (Literally true, in the bush.)

My dumb cell phone, that I almost never carry with me, was free from the telco. Because my previous one was 2G, and apparently when the phone company wanted to shut down the 2G network they were legally required to provide free 3G phones to remaining 2G customers. Ha ha.

'Social media' to me seems like a way of making people forget how to actually be sociable in the real world.
Twitter is designed to make people think in tiny fragments, and unable to express themselves in any deep way.
Facebook's founder is a psychopath, who's on record stating all facebook users are 'dumb f*cks.'
So called 'free net services' are never free - the product they sell for profit is their users.
Habitually using GPS mapping and positioning as your navigation method, is the best way to forget how to actually navigate.
And in general, I see the 'cellphone addicted generations' walking around with their faces attached to the little bauble in their hands, completely oblivious to the world around them.

No thanks.

[treesap]

I'll provide a somewhat dissenting take here. I own accounts on all of the major platforms, and while I very rarely post on them, I have a couple of uses for them that I appreciate. My biggest use is employment. As a software engineer, I've gotten, literally, all of my jobs through LinkedIn (a professional-oriented social network.) I find that in my industry, it is almost the de-facto way of finding potential employees. I get contacts from interested corporate recruiters at least every week or two. I've also utilized its ability to show me contacts at companies that people I know can introduce me to. That has also been helpful in my career.

As far as more traditional social networks (like Facebook), I have family members and some friends, who no longer live in the area, who share pictures there, and it is nice to be able to see what they are up to without seeing them in person. About once a week, I'll log in and check on a few distant relatives/friends.

Also, while this isn't really the same thing as browsing and posting content, I do find the calling feature of Facebook messenger to provide a good alternative to ordinary phone calls, even amongst people whose phone numbers I possess! The voice quality is just far, far superior to that achievable over ordinary phone networks. (It also makes it possible to contact people when their phone numbers have changed.)

While I cannot imagine posting every single event of my day for other people's affirmation, and am not a very regular user, I must admit that they do have their place, at least in my industry and amongst my circle of acquaintances.

[Brumby]

Social media may have its place, but I'm not a fan.

I have seen a number of occasions where things are taken far too seriously and bullying is all too easy.  It is a two edged sword that all too frequently draws blood ... IMHO.  The only way it could work properly is if everybody were to take responsibility for their actions - and that's a pipe dream.

As for the interfaces, I can only speak from a casual interaction with Facebook - and I find it horrendous.  I don't spend a lot of time on it, so I don't get to exercise the options an learn what's what.  The only thing I have done is screw the security down as hard as I can - but even then, I'm not comfortable.

One major thing that irks me is the sheer volume of crap that gets shoved in my face.  I have very few things I have liked or follow, yet there is so much crap that gets served up, I could literally spend hours wading through it all .... and it's ongoing.  I can see how people can be caught up in this 24x7 - but it is just insane.

Something else that so many don't realise is the exposure of their lives to the world.  From showing every course of a meal they are having to advertising the fact that a whole household is on holiday and their home will be unattended for two weeks.  Burglars want the address?  Just look up the name in the phone directory and you can confirm the house by the detailed photos available - which may also show you the layout.


I find the whole social media thing an interesting concept - but the implementation and usage trend is just obscene.

[InductorbackEMF]

You are not alone,i like to think it will somehow "die" off but it wont.
I have never seen the point of using social media when i could talk to friends in real life.
Age is not the factoring point here i am 16 and only even got a phone until i was 15.
I would guess it is how you are bought up ect.

[Mr. Scram]

I just got back on facebook. I was told by a friend that networking is key to future success.

That's what everyone keeps telling each other and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also realise that many people aren't using these platforms because they really want to. That sounds odd, but most social media are self admittedly designed to constantly trigger our dopamine system. Social media carefully craft themselves to be an addiction, a habit that isn't very pleasurable any more but has worn in and is hard to shake. People aren't gratified by it, but simply feel empty without constantly checking their apps and getting messages and likes.

It seems more and more people are feeling that social media aren't providing added value any more, but feel like a burden instead. Research is showing that people who indulge in social media often feel less happy than people that partake in a more moderate fashion. People are trying different things to shake the habit, though like is the case with smoking it's probably the generation that has grown up with it that will be least likely to lose the habit.

[hans]

I finally ditched Facebook last month after the privacy scandals, and especially the ridiculous face of our friend Mark Z. I could put many curse words here, but now you're reading this sentence which means I won't. Let's just say I don't mind to see Facebook going down to the drain.

Nonetheless, I'm also quite useless with social media. I think social media profiles are about building a picture of self justification. Rarely are there people that actually share ups and downs on Facebook or Instagram. I think the closest one that gets there is maybe Twitter - but usually the "messages of 140 characters long" (they are longer IKR) are meant to be so insignificant that you can't tell your life story, even if you wrap it in a poem.

So in the end I feel that social media is rather useless - it's maybe only good for something if you're right in that dopamine loop.

I think LinkedIn has been going down the same rabbit hole as well. Unfortunately that site has an actual value for networking and job offers, so I'm afraid I need to keep it.

I read a funny comparison last month on a Dutch IT site; someone compared how many people quit smoking compared to quit facebook. By that analogy, Facebook is several orders of magnitude more addictive than smoking.

[Harb]

I am 55, and I am happy to use Social Media, in fact I can honestly say I would miss out on a lot in life with out it........I communicate , Catch up with people , purchase and sell , keep up with what the remote part of the family is up to etc etc.....I would say you miss a lot of stuff without it , its just the modern way of doing things.....like it or not, you are cutting yourself off without it........even this forum is basically Social Media and so it this thread !!
You shouldn't fear it, you should embrace it and make it work for you........the old ways are just........old.

And you can't tell what you are missing until you establish yourself on it.......I have better comms and access to information than I ever have.

Its all about management.........its just like any other comms tool.

[Mr. Scram]

I am 55, and I am happy to use Social Media, in fact I can honestly say I would miss out on a lot in life with out it........I communicate , Catch up with people , purchase and sell , keep up with what the remote part of the family is up to etc etc.....I would say you miss a lot of stuff without it , its just the modern way of doing things.....like it or not, you are cutting yourself off without it........even this forum is basically Social Media and so it this thread !!
You shouldn't fear it, you should embrace it and make it work for you........the old ways are just........old.

And you can't tell what you are missing until you establish yourself on it.......I have better comms and access to information than I ever have.

Its all about management.........its just like any other comms tool.

It's not like any other communications tool in the sense that it's all designed to keep you around and to provide as much data you can to the system. It's made to look attractive and uses refined manipulation to keep you around while the real goals and costs are mostly obscured from you. I could rehash the "you are the product" but I think we've all grown tired of that one, however true it may be.

[Halcyon]

frozenfrogz, good on you!

I keep telling people, on social media, you are the product, not the customer. They use your information (with your consent which you don't read but agree to anyway) to make a butt-load of money.

If you can exploit social media to make a living for you, then go for it! It actually has some pretty good features, but other than that, it's near useless (in my opinion).

I'm around your age and don't use social media, never have. Yet, I'm not a hermit. I have brilliant friends who call or SMS me whenever there are things on. They call just to check-in and see what's happening. Just this weekend we went sailing in Sydney Harbour (attached is a lovely panorama taken on my phone).

Personally, I think avoiding social media has made me closer to my friends and professional contacts. When I pick up the phone and call someone at work, there is no awkward pause while they think about who the hell is on the other end of the phone, they ask me how my weekend was.