What are your favourite worthless auction phrases?

[bitseeker]

Of course no matter what the phrasing it can be used by a dishonest seller or one with different standards to hide defects.

Yeah, that and the other extreme where a seller is just doing copy+paste without a second thought. Both are irritating.

On a more positive note, I do very much appreciate those rare listings where someone either actually knows what he or she is talking about or hasn't a clue yet doesn't try to cover it up with these vacuous phrases.

[tggzzz]

On ebay, marked as "used", but the text contains "Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process". Um, if you know it is used then what further testing is required, and why does it take 5 days?

Example: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Tektronix-1502C-Time-Domain-Reflectometer/401141897985

[Ice-Tea]

"Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process".

Translation: we have a warehouse full of stuff. If it turns on, we'll toss it on eBay but won't spend additional time on something we may never sell. If we sell it, we'll test it fully and say sorry and refund you if an issue turns up.

[grumpydoc]

"Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process".

Translation: we have a warehouse full of stuff. If it turns on, we'll toss it on eBay but won't spend additional time on something we may never sell. If we sell it, we'll test it fully and say sorry and refund you if an issue turns up.

Spot on.

[Electro Detective]

"Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process".

Translation: we have a warehouse full of stuff. If it turns on, we'll toss it on eBay but won't spend additional time on something we may never sell.

If we sell it, we'll test it fully and say sorry and refund you if an issue turns up.

   So true, Ebay is crawling with 'cheap rent warehouse' sellers like this

It's an obvious 'no risk' SNEAKY UNDERHANDED ploy to keep their Positive Feedback levels high

and wastes the buyers time doing all the work testing and returning nature strip and dumpster grade gear,
or pallets of corporate write-offs that may or may not be sort of working

**** those sellers, usually they operate with different seller names as well too for better Ebay coverage/monopoly or in case one 'seller' goes bust, 
their 'style' is easy to spot and I avoid them like a plague   

Sometimes I'm not sure what sux more, their blurry photo auction items, useless picture of a pallet 

...or the sub-neanderthal grammar flavored useless email replies   


Question: Hi, does this item work, or sold 'as is' ?

Reply: All Ebay stock iss coms wit money back garantree

 

[Quarlo Klobrigney]

Vintage, Art Deco, 1970's, Works Great, Needs New Cord, All Bulbs Light, All Sales Final

Edit: I forgot to add that it (insert item) was designed by Art Deco himself!
And: No reserve! "Auction ended because of an error in the item or listing and has been removed"

[Electro Detective]

Electronics parts from recent diseased estate auction

Bidding starts at 99 cents, NO RESERVE, no pick ups,

happy bidding and good luck

 

[jasonbrent]

"steampunk".

Makes me cringe.

[bitseeker]

Ah, yes. Steampunk.

Also, "Nixie era." Usually appears on devices or even just displays that use LED or VFD technology. However, pretty much any object made from the 50's to the 90's would qualify.

[ikrase]

It isn't usually relevant to electronics, but an annoying thing is when sellers barf up a whole bunch of marginally related or actually unrelated keywords in the item title and description.

It's particularly egregious in the vintage, reproduction, and historical clothing world.

[Terry01]

That's the joys of Ebay! You could be buying from someone who really knows how to get an item in top shape before selling it and the seller is very honest and fair, or.....you get some crook who knows nothing but how to lie about the item and tell you it's great and rob you for every penny they can get. Then you have everything in between....

You just have to use the best defence you can against the crooks......your head! Sometimes though even that's not enough. Sad for the honest sellers who get tarred with the same stick through no fault of their own. It's called "The Big Bad World" of Ebay! 

[Electro Detective]

If the seller has excellent Ebay Feedback and a good communicator, then it becomes a 50/50 coin toss on the true state of the item, especially if the seller is unaware either way.

If the seller is not too far away and offers a local pickup option, and a demo or test before you fork over the cash, it's as good as it gets, never a problem   

and you can always make an offer to the seller if the item has issues, if you're prepared to sort it out


The only Ebay non-joy for me as a buyer is those 'PAYPAL ONLY' wankers that really p*** me off      they obviously have not heard of direct bank debit or C A S H   
and most are predictably arrogant and or illiterate twats anyway, with little or no knowledge of what they are selling,

they can keep their item and paypal 'frequent d!ckhead points' or whatever it is they 'earn' to inconvenience genuine spenders     

[steve30]

WOW L@@K RARE!

Though to be honest, you don't see L@@K much these days.

[mdijkens]

Actually there might be interesting deals between those offers...

If you have to sell all the hobby gear of your dad/husband who just passed away and you know nothing about the stuff..
I've seen several ads on a local website here in NL of people selling stuff they don't even know what it is but the only thing they want/need is to get rid of it asap

[JohnMc]

"Complete" showing a unit missing the accessories, like power cords, probe sets or anything that would normally plug into it and which is essential for it to work. Think of things that have external probes or sensors but which do not come with them. Those are probably in a pile of "Miscellaneous" cables on the same auction, or were chucked into the bin.

One better how about the reverse. I remember seeing a listing for a inside micrometer. Long wanky ad lots of buzz words. "Only missing one piece". Ya the actual micrometer.  

[Tony_G]

If you have to sell all the hobby gear of your dad/husband who just passed away and you know nothing about the stuff..

How'd the old joke go again???

My greatest fear is that when I die, my wife will sell my gear for what I told her I paid for it

My Dad is putting stickers on his gear now just in case it needs to be sold before I can get back home to sort out.

TonyG

[bitseeker]

That's a good one. I guess I should start attaching price tags to all my gear so it's ready to go when I do.

[tggzzz]

That's a good one. I guess I should start attaching price tags to all my gear so it's ready to go when I do.

My mother started that a decade ago, on antiques, not test equipment Many labels have fallen off!

[bitseeker]

Talk about Murphy's Law — you go through the trouble to be prepared and when the time comes, the tags have all fallen off.

[Ice-Tea]

That's a good one. I guess I should start attaching price tags to all my gear so it's ready to go when I do.

Let me help you with that. The label should read:

"Gelieve op te sturen naar Ice-Tea omdat het een geweldige kerel is. Stof 'm ook even af zodat hij dat alvast niet hoeft te doen"

[bitseeker]

I kind of guessed what the first part was. Then, ran it through the translator to get the full effect.

[jmelson]

On ebay, marked as "used", but the text contains "Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process". Um, if you know it is used then what further testing is required, and why does it take 5 days?

When you buy it, they pull the top one off the pile and plug it in.  If it explodes in flames, toss it aside and take the next.  When they find one that doesn't explode, they ship it to you.  No way to know in advance how long that could take to find the good one.

Jon

[tggzzz]

On ebay, marked as "used", but the text contains "Guaranteed Working - 5 days to complete full testing process". Um, if you know it is used then what further testing is required, and why does it take 5 days?

When you buy it, they pull the top one off the pile and plug it in.  If it explodes in flames, toss it aside and take the next.  When they find one that doesn't explode, they ship it to you.  No way to know in advance how long that could take to find the good one.

Jon

Possibly, but they have that notation on some relatively rare 1970s items - and I doubt they have a large stock of them.

[Kjelt]

Most worthless sentence IMO often used on a dutch auction site:

This needs no explanation, an expert knows what it is worth.

Yeah an expert knows it is a POS worth nothing 

[Po6ept]

"Surplus to my needs".