I am not an expert in FCC regulations, but my general understanding is that the limit is on the maximum EIRP(radiated power). Generally this depends on duty cycle and usage.
Again, to the best of my knowledge, you can only get FCC certification on a complete system including antenna as it is the combination of radio output power and antenna gain that sets the max EIRP.
The RP-SMA came from a work around that allowed manufacturers to supply removable antennas so long as the connector was proprietary. Hence the Reverse SMA was born as simple non user swappable standard. Of course its now become a defacto standard and genric replacement antennas and connectors are common place which has totally made a mockery of the original regulation.
On the question does gain improve performance/range significantly. Yes it will...provided the gain is in the direction of the other end of the radio link. If the location of the two ends of the link can not be predicted, you are genrally better to have a low gain(but efficient) antenna. There can also be benifits of going with circular polarisation(like FPV guys do).
So I think you have 3 choices. Buy an FCC certified module(that will include an antenna). Or have your system certified with your chosen antenna. Or supply your product as a kit.