Quick update -
The book mentioned above is excellent so far. Very practical and easy to follow, but appears to have enough detail to be truly useful.
I met with an engineer from Samtec, the company that makes the BNC connectors and gathered a wealth of information. He had a 20 Ghz Keysight PNA series VNA with a very rare 12Ghz 50 Ohm to 75 Ohm matching pad and cal kit. We were able to look at how to best launch a 12Ghz signal from the connector to the PCB. We looked at good and bad on the VNA. We talked about various PCB materials, RF simulation, etc. The real good part was that he and others at Samtec can take my project and model it as well as practically test it with their fully configured lab. the equipment and talent are miles out of reach for me so this is an amazing resource. He set up a demo where a 12Ghz signal was run through about 14 connections, cables, and PCBs - the eye was still open at the end and able to be decoded without errors. That was pretty impressive. I was expecting the signal to be mush by the time it went through that many transitions.
I also met with engineers from Semtech, Texas Instruments, and Macom who were also a wealth of information on how to deal with the various challenges in high-speed digital. Semtech was the most generous about offering practical assistance and reference designs. TI was pleasant, but did not have or did not offer as much assistance. For example, Semtech can help review designs as well as validate the designs after they are built in a purpose built lab. TI offered design help, but did not offer any validation service. Macom (makes similar silicon) was the least friendly from a design perspective, but that may have been the person I was speaking with. It felt like he had not slept in weeks and was drinking since 9am.
Anyway - the conversations I had with the collection of engineers this week and the various design assistance available leaves me encouraged that I will be able to get high-speed IO sorted out for my FPGA projects and other things. As difficult as the learning curve has been so far, it really is a lot of fun. Expecting to submit the next spin of the PCB tomorrow, fingers crossed I will at least see some improvements. If I can operate at up to 3Ghz, it will be marketable. If it is marketable, I can better pay for the various test gear and learning curve needed for the road ahead. I will try to post the latest PCB layout before I submit it.