There are two steps:
First, verify conformance to the most important tolerances like center conductor dimensions with a proper connector tester gauge. These are things like this:
https://www.maurymw.com/Precision/Connector_Gage_Kits.php. You have to do this before going to the next step because if it fails this test you might end up destroying much, much more expensive connectors.
If they pass this (And only then) you get the connectors on a cable or board of high quality, and with a VNA measure it a number of times. This will give you 1) the performance of the actual connector in terms of insertion loss and return loss vs frequency and 2) the repeatability of said performance. From that you can figure out if your connector meets specification or not, or rather, if it is good enough for your purpose (does it really matter to you that a connector for your drone antenna has 10 dB instead of 25 dB return loss at 10 GHz?) .
A quick visual inspection by someone who has a lot of experience around various grades of connectors can often tell you a lot already (in my experience a lot of the cheap male connectors have just horrendous center pin dimensions, and you can easily see this by eye if you know what they are supposed to look like).
In addition, not all good connectors have gold plating. In fact, none of the top-of-the-line connectors in our lab (apart from the ones on the 3.5 mm cal kit) have gold plating.
I'm not sure most cheap connectors have gold plating. I think they are often made out of some form of brass, and just giving it a good polish might make it look gold.
In the end it all comes down to applications. What are you getting these connectors for, how much do you need, and who are you getting them from. And it is not just the manufacturer that matters. Even the big names will make connectors that are not great, because they are good enough for say WiFi, and cost 1/4th of what it would cost to make a connector that gives you the best performance at 12 GHz.