I have never heard of the XL6009, but they look very similar to the common LM2596/LM2576 used on a lot of cheap boost and buck boards. Notable differences: pinout, higher operating frequency, has OVP and seem to be FET-based. Diagrams for internal control loops look quite similar.
at 4 amps with heatsink in ambient they are on fire [...] what i don't understand is these modules are on fire at 2 amps, with heat sinks
Be warned that the "4 amps" refers to the switching current limit, not the output current of the whole converter. When using these chips as boost converters the internal switching current will be MUCH higher than the output current. You're probably already running them past their 4A maximum ratings even at a 2A output level.
Greymarket Aliexpress sellers will not understand this and will instead market them as 4A output or just "4A" performance.
Can someone tell me why? is it simply better IC's? newer technology. After seeing the difference between a fake mosfet and a real one, its clearly a parts thing
Yes. Not only the quality of the switcher chip but also the parts you use to accompany it (diodes, capacitors, external mosfets), the layout of those parts and other design choices made (different switchmode toplogies). Efficiency easily ranges from 50% to 98% across many common designs, and this efficiency also depends on their usage scenario (input V, output V, load).
I generally do not expect anything that uses the TO263 package to be particularly good. They're cheap and easy to get (because the LM2596 market has so many clones) and I use them quite a bit for random prototypes but I never expect their efficiency or noise ripple to be particularly good.