I don't think your age should mean you need "something easy". You are probably as well (maybe even more!) capable to learn to program as someone who is older.
Now, as the others have stated, going straight to USB, GUI and microcontroller programming at the same time is quite a huge goal if you don't know programming at all. I think there are two ways approach this, though: from the "bottom", by starting with microcontroller programming and straight C close to the hardware, or from the "top" by learning very high-level programming on a modern operating system.
Since you mentioned C# and GUI's, starting with the free Visual C# Express is a good way. This allows you to build applications with GUI and learn how to control what the application does very easily, because a lot of the underlying low-level stuff is taken care of for you. It will still teach you the universal concepts in programming and will be less frustrating than other methods. This would be the "from the top" approach.
For a "from the bottom" approach, going with any of the simple microcontroller development platforms (PIC, AVR, MSP430, but avoiding ARM based system initially) will do the job. I would advice staying away from Arduino-type environments (or at least quickly moving beyond them). They are not bad per se, but one of the most valuable things about microcontroller programmming is that you can deal directly with the hardware at a very low level. This forces you to learn about peripherals and their registers, read datasheets(!), be more vigilant about memory usage and a few of other useful skills.
Have fun!