The word "poly" today means
polyfidelity, or permanent pair bond relationships with more than one person.
Maybe thats for you. Or maybe not, in any case, some people manage to do that and keep their first relationship well, others don't.
A number of years ago a book came out for women who liked to maintain the freedom to date many entitled "The Ethical Slut". It was very successful and it seems to have sold well and now its gone into three editions, and spawned a discussion and movement of sorts. The word "slut" in this context isnt pejorative, its meant in a positive sense as somebody who stays true to their values but still expresses themselves sexually in any way that works for them.
Read one discussion here.. The same issues apply to all genders. As somebody who was in an open relationship for many years during my 20s the crucial issue in retrospect was time management. At various times my SO and I had various agreements that worked for us at the time. One that it seems is popular with many is that sex with other people might occur while traveling or on vacation, but not at home. The idea is to do it with love.. At the time my SO was from a fairly well to do family that had her traveling a lot more than me. This wasn't as promiscuous as it sounds, as I am fairly nerdy and not at all the kind of person who others see as "hot" and never have been. (But I do like sex) Anyway, what I am trying to get at is that the only people you need to please are yourself and the people you choose to associate with. But you do have to be real and not sell yourself short. You deserve a good life, too. Nothing spices up an existing relationship more than new found honesty.
If you are in a couple and your SO doesn't want sex then I don't think they have a right to demand abstinence from you! (if thats what they do) I think that attitudes about that are changing. What she probably does want is that you not embarrass her if you do see other people. Its essential however that you discuss this and have rules and obey them. Otherwise it could get ugly and you will have nobody to blame but yourself.
I am not one of those people who live on the edge, at least not right now, but I appreciate them and the fact that they exist.
If you're going to go down that path the most important thing is being true to yourself, your friends and your values..
The one thing I envy them for is the communication skills they develop. They get right to the point in a way I struggle with. As far as sex goes a key issue the world is struggling with is consent for sex. I was lucky in that when I was fairly young I got away from the place I grew up where guys were constrained into a fairly macho role into a world where that was much less the case. And I connected up with a girlfriend who was very much ahead of her time in terms of her own sexuality but she also had a strong libido. I now realize that this was a good background because lots of things that many other guys struggle with I am fairly comfortable with. Let me give an example, many years ago I had a friend, Marc, who was a brilliant programmer and ham and he was a pioneer in the Internet world, so much so that he invented a whole virtual reality OS for collaboration. But he was incredibly shy in his social skills and this brought him to committing suicide. He was so tortured by his inability to connect that he killed himself.
Maybe somebody here knew him, I wouldnt be surprised.
At the time I had several good female friends who I introduced him to and he dated one for a time. But they didnt connect and she, a very down to earth lady tried to explain it to me, but I didn't engage as I should have and most importantly, didnt recognize how my friend was sinking into despair.
I view this really as a failure in myself for not recognizing that he was in such a bad way and helping him more. He wasnt a bad guy, he was actually a very good friend. He was good looking, and in shape. He was a technical mentor to me, he wasn't violent or mean. He was just a geek. But his life was cut short by his loneliness which was just so sad.
There are a lot of people who go through stuff like this and its getting worse. He was actually the second of two close friends I have had that committed suicide. The first one, Jeff was when I was in my teens and early 20s. He was a neighbor and a very smart guy, although this was before personal computing was part of my life I was into electronics at the time. What happened with Jeff I later realized was schizophrenia.
Which is terrifying. I really don't want to tell the story but basically, I was his best and perhaps only close friend, I had gone away to a school which was far away, and was back for a short time. so we went on a trip into New York City (which is something we used to do all the time on the weekends) And unexpectedly, he just lost his mind. It was like something out of a movie. He was hallucinating!
His family I dont think could handle the fact that he was in this situation.
It was schizophrenia which often begins in puberty.
Where I grew up and at that time, there were few groups of people or friends for people who were smart but in a nontraditional way. There still arent really although the Internet has definitely improved this a lot. We all need to be more accepting of others in every way we can. Also, quality medical care needs to be cheaper! My friend was at that age when families often struggle with communication.
There is no rule book, we just have to be true to ourselves and our friends and families and even other species, animals and as Alex the parrot put it, in his last words to Irene Pepperberg, "be good".
Electronics is great because it grounds us.. so to speak, at least it does for me, its a thing I can do which I can get deeply into, working with my hands and the physical world and its fun. People who are into it have a shared language all over the world, and in a way we are all speaking a shared language.. pushing the envelope of technology brings us joy and it brings all humanity very real gifts by solving problems.
I did not flirt . That was a red line.
that's the problem. I feel the NEED to do it, a great need.
The excitement that flirting gives me is something I've never sought in my life (In fact, I often tried to avoid it), but now I seek it almost every moment.
It's terrible that before my mind could "calm down" by simply thinking about electronics (even just my workbench), whereas now I just think about teasing cute women.
Thinking about my electronic instruments and workbench (my passion since childhood) has always brought me back down to earth, given me something to really live for, and now that it's not working that way anymore, it's worrisome for me, especially since it's happened in such a short amount of time.