@Simon,
I only read part of this thread, but I would say that the ECU is NOT the problem.
I would guess its a temp sensor. get the OEM electrical schematics for your car AND THE CORRECT YEAR!!, do not use Chilton or Haynes, they are super crap, full of mistakes and very abbreviated, unreliable for electrical truobleshooting.
Many cars do have two water temp sensors check for this.
With your friend's OBD tool get into the car's realtime data, read the coolant temp, run the engine and watch the temp climb on the tool and pull the wire off the sensor, notice the change, if it doesn't the sensor is bad. Two wires are probably in the sensor connector, one is ground, (brown?) jumper the connector, read the temp.
It is possible there is another control loop outside of the ECU control. You can understand this by looking at the fan relay, for additional connections to the relay coil.
you can obtain OEM manuals from Ebay inexpensively, on DVD. Don't buy just the schematics, because they may not be of your car, but with the whole manual to read, you will know.
Get on a forum for your car and see if they can help too.