You're a complicated guy! 
I'm actually almost as simple as you can get.
I have a single XLR microphone and a pair of XLR studio monitor speakers, and occasioanlly headphone playback. I want to hook up both of these to the computer with a single USB interface. The Rode AI-1 does
precisely this, but it doesn't have any ability to do compressor etc mic effects.
I currently use a Focusrite that does this also, but it annoyingly does not mute the line outputs when the headphones are plugged in.