Engineering humor hub

[CM800]

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books
Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

•    532.35 cm3 gluten
•    4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
•    4.9 cm3 refined halite
•    236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
•    177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
•    177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
•    4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
•    Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
•     473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
•    236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

[metrologist]

Yes, because cooks know that measure by weight is much more accurate.

[SeanB]

Well, mass and volume are related by density, and using an average density of the material and expressing as a volume is good enough for Civil engineering.

However, you missed that the final step in the blending the heat input is mostly as a result of enbergy added to the product as a result of mechanical shear during this blending process, which results in an undesired temperature rise.

And, now totally off topic, Armenian girls......



Yes not quite the song, but non the less.....

[Leiothrix]

I'd expect an engineer to specify weight instead of volume.

Possibly in mols instead of kgs as well.

And specify a species for the eggs.

[janekm]

I'd expect an engineer to specify weight instead of volume.

Possibly in mols instead of kgs as well.

And specify a species for the eggs.

Not to mention weight for the eggs... eggs vary hugely in weight! And personally I'm not a huge fan of shells in my cookies.
Tallow is absolutely not the same thing as butter.
You won't have much luck with "theobroma cacao" either... Do you mean the whole fruit? Just the bean? Roasted, to what state? Powdered? Alkali-processed or not?
Legume meats I imagine is supposed to be almonds?

[tszaboo]

I hate recipes. They have phrases like "teaspoon of sugar" and "bake until it is crispy brown" and all these holistic bullshit. I started using science in the kitchen. I check oven temperate by IR. Soup is served at 70C. Pizza should be started baking for 10:30 when the temperature reaches 220C.

I actually consider starting sous vide cooking. Less bullshit.
Vacuum seal the meat. Place it in water. Cook at 68.5C for 4 hours. Place it in pre-heated grill for 1 minute, enjoy your meal. Consistent result all the time.

[BU508A]

EE dancing tutorial:

Source:
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/e0/87/e3/e087e396bf2c98d112ae7b624b23bbc7--electrical-engineering-humor-civil-engineering-humor.jpg

[Mr. Scram]

I hate recipes. They have phrases like "teaspoon of sugar" and "bake until it is crispy brown" and all these holistic bullshit. I started using science in the kitchen. I check oven temperate by IR. Soup is served at 70C. Pizza should be started baking for 10:30 when the temperature reaches 220C.

I actually consider starting sous vide cooking. Less bullshit.
Vacuum seal the meat. Place it in water. Cook at 68.5C for 4 hours. Place it in pre-heated grill for 1 minute, enjoy your meal. Consistent result all the time.

Doneness? Undercooked? People need to stop bitching and just eat their lovely meat.

[vk6zgo]

There were a Technician, an Engineer, & an Economist.

Each had a dog & a cat, & wanted their animals to be able to go outside to do their "business", without their owner's intervention.

The Tech  fitted a " doggy door" , & both pets used it.

The Engineer couldn't stand to see a big door wasted with the small cat, so fitted a small cat door, as well, with a complex system to prevent the cat using the dog door.

The Economist fitted a cat door, & tried to shove the dog through it.

Maybe this makes more sense with the edit---My God, I hate this iPad!!

[paulca]

[tszaboo]

Doneness? Undercooked? People need to stop bitching and just eat their lovely meat.

Raw parts of steak is absolutely disgusting. Also under or overcooked hard boiled egg.
I believe science has the answer.

"Doneness is a gauge of how thoroughly cooked a cut of meat is based on the color, juiciness and internal temperature when cooked.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Mr. Scram]

Raw parts of steak is absolutely disgusting. Also under or overcooked hard boiled egg.
I believe science has the answer.

"Doneness is a gauge of how thoroughly cooked a cut of meat is based on the color, juiciness and internal temperature when cooked.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Anyone who thinks a raw bit of steak is "absolutely disgusting" might better stick to broccoli.

[tszaboo]

Anyone who thinks a raw bit of steak is "absolutely disgusting" might better stick to broccoli.

Could people have different taste?

[Mr. Scram]

Could people have different taste?

I might be knee-jerking a bit, but I'm getting a bit fed up with men stuck in an office the whole week overcompensating their loss of freedom by getting all fancy about food in the weekends, especially if it's the "manly" foods. The latest fad was barbecuing, with all sorts of super expensive equipment, workshops and whatnot. It's not that hard. Slap meat on something approximately hot. Not cooked enough? Wait longer next time.

[BradC]

Not cooked enough? Wait longer next time.

Or make the plate hotter. While it's not hard, it's slightly more complicated than reducing it to time. It's certainly not as hard as the blowhards try to make it out to be however.
My wife became a naturalised Aussie this year (she's from Ayr). I keep telling her she'll never be a *real* Australian as she is completely incapable of sufficiently ruining meat on the BBQ.

[sokoloff]

I actually consider starting sous vide cooking. Less bullshit.
Vacuum seal the meat. Place it in water. Cook at 68.5C for 4 hours. Place it in pre-heated grill for 1 minute, enjoy your meal. Consistent result all the time.

Sous vide steaks are excellent, easy, and quite repeatable. I'm pretty sure we spent under $100 for the Anova sous vide device.

Note that 68°C is well past "ruined" though, IMO. 
We cook ours to 131°F/55°C

[BU508A]

We cook ours to 131°F/55°C

But this will not guarantee, that all bacteria have been killed.
For example:

Quote:
"Does cooking kill Cl. botulinum and its toxin?
Normal thorough cooking (pasteurisation: 70°C 2min or equivalent) will kill Cl.botulinum bacteria but not its spores. To kill the spores of Cl.botulinum a sterilisation process equivalent to 121°C for 3 min is required. The botulinum toxin itself is inactivated (denatured) rapidly at temperatures greater than 80°C . "

Source:
https://web.archive.org/web/20140521032214/http://www.fsai.ie/faqs/botulism.html#botulism6

[Mr. Scram]

But this will not guarantee, that all bacteria have been killed.
For example:

Quote:
"Does cooking kill Cl. botulinum and its toxin?
Normal thorough cooking (pasteurisation: 70°C 2min or equivalent) will kill Cl.botulinum bacteria but not its spores. To kill the spores of Cl.botulinum a sterilisation process equivalent to 121°C for 3 min is required. The botulinum toxin itself is inactivated (denatured) rapidly at temperatures greater than 80°C . "

Source:
https://web.archive.org/web/20140521032214/http://www.fsai.ie/faqs/botulism.html#botulism6

Spores don't seem to be an issue for food that's consumed not long after preparation.

[BU508A]

Spores don't seem to be an issue for food that's consumed not long after preparation.

Yep. But a lot of bacteria need a much higher temperature than 55°C to get killed. Even these Cl. botulinum can survive 55°C.
Not t speak of legionella or salmonella.

[rrinker]

 Yup, this is indeed an engineering humor thread - it went from funny to a serious discussion about food-borne bacteria in nothing flat.

 

[tszaboo]

Could people have different taste?

I might be knee-jerking a bit, but I'm getting a bit fed up with men stuck in an office the whole week overcompensating their loss of freedom by getting all fancy about food in the weekends, especially if it's the "manly" foods. The latest fad was barbecuing, with all sorts of super expensive equipment, workshops and whatnot. It's not that hard. Slap meat on something approximately hot. Not cooked enough? Wait longer next time.

Yeah, just slap it on the still hot V8 engine for some time and eat it. The engine oil actually gives it some taste. Also, I eat my beef jerky with testosterone and rocks.

Note that 68°C is well past "ruined" though, IMO. 
We cook ours to 131°F/55°C

It was a random temperature and time. I've yet to try it at home.

[Mr. Scram]

Yeah, just slap it on the still hot V8 engine for some time and eat it. The engine oil actually gives it some taste. Also, I eat my beef jerky with testosterone and rocks.

It was a random temperature and time. I've yet to try it at home.

You're not the first.

[schmitt trigger]

An old one but good one:

-A mathematician and an engineer are in a corner of a room. In the opposite corner there is an exceedingly beautiful woman. She tells them:
"Whoever reaches me first can have me." She says with a smile on her lips. And in a seductive voice continues: "And I'm so hoooorny tonight".

She continues with her explanation, an in a wicked voice she says: "However, there is one rule. The first steps you will cover half the room length and stop for a second. The next steps, you will cover half of that half and stop. Next steps, you will cover half of that half of that half. Continue that way until you reach me"

The mathematician starts weeping inconsolably. He knows it will take him an infinite amount of time to reach her.
On the other hand, the engineer is all smiles. He asks the woman: "Is a 10% tolerance OK with you?"

[rrinker]

Yeah, just slap it on the still hot V8 engine for some time and eat it. The engine oil actually gives it some taste. Also, I eat my beef jerky with testosterone and rocks.

It was a random temperature and time. I've yet to try it at home.

You're not the first.

PFFFT, there's a whole BOOK on the subject!

http://www.wisebread.com/cooking-great-meals-with-your-car-engine-the-heat-is-on

[BU508A]

Yup, this is indeed an engineering humor thread - it went from funny to a serious discussion about food-borne bacteria in nothing flat.

You know, we Germans have a bit the tendency to be a bit humourless.