Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 24380 times)

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Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #100 on: July 29, 2019, 07:17:03 pm »
Ahh yes the backlog. A magic carpet which all accepted risks are put under.

 

Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #101 on: August 03, 2019, 09:07:11 pm »
i will not comment because someone might actually implement what I say :-[

at some point its like selling high quality 'scream' masks next to a sorority house from a hot dog stand at 2am, its obviously a joke but i am pretty sure some nut would come along and pilfer a project with it
« Last Edit: August 03, 2019, 09:09:23 pm by coppercone2 »
 

Offline nigelwright7557

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #102 on: August 06, 2019, 10:01:28 am »
She was only the electronic engineers daughter but no one could resistor.
PCBCAD51/PCBCAD360/PCBCAD720 PCB design software https://www.murtonpikesystems.co.uk
 

Offline tocsa120ls

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #103 on: August 28, 2019, 12:47:10 pm »
On a recent video recommendation by youtube...

Q: How many amp techs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one -- he begins at the front door and replaces every bulb in the building until he gets the one that is out.
-------
Short circuit - long fire
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #104 on: August 28, 2019, 04:34:17 pm »
Q: "What goal do you have?"

A: "Knocking-off time."

Q: "And on the long run?"

A: "Weekend."
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline macboy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #105 on: August 30, 2019, 04:24:04 pm »
Three engineers from America, Germany, and Japan are playing golf. They hear ringing. The Japanese engineer says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", extends his little finger and thumb, holding his hand to his face, and proceeds to carry on a conversation. He finishes, and explains that he was using his company's latest prototype, a phone built in to his hand. The others were impressed. Later, they hear ringing again. the German says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", taps the side of his head, and has a short conversation. When done, he explained he was using the latest in German technology: a phone built in to his head. The others were impressed. Later, the American says "excuse me...", walks to the bushes, drops his pants, squats, and explains, "I'm getting a fax!".
 
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Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #106 on: August 31, 2019, 03:34:39 am »
this is what you look like when you see test equipment

 
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Offline ChunkyPastaSauce

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #107 on: August 31, 2019, 04:13:06 am »
 

Offline bsfeechannel

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #108 on: September 05, 2019, 03:28:51 am »
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #109 on: October 10, 2019, 08:53:52 am »
A police officer stops a car. Behind the steering wheel sits Heisenberg.
Officer: "Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I do know exactly where I am."

 :)
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #110 on: October 10, 2019, 06:30:18 pm »
Erwin Schrödinger is seeing the veterinary surgeon.
Says the vet: "Regarding your cat: I have good news and bad news ..."

 :)
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Online Sal Ammoniac

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #111 on: October 10, 2019, 06:47:15 pm »
String Theory
Complexity is the number-one enemy of high-quality code.
 
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Online SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #112 on: October 10, 2019, 07:07:38 pm »
 

Offline rhodges

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #113 on: October 10, 2019, 09:05:32 pm »
I just saw this one in Jack Ganssle's newsletter.

Quote
From Tom Razov:

A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd. First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.
Currently developing STM8 and STM32. Past includes 6809, Z80, 8086, PIC, MIPS, PNX1302, and some 8748 and 6805. Check out my public code on github. https://github.com/unfrozen
 
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Offline fourfathom

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #114 on: October 10, 2019, 10:59:25 pm »
If architects designed buildings like software engineers designed programs, than the first woodpecker that came along would destroy all civilization.
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #115 on: October 27, 2019, 08:10:35 am »

"Tinning, soldering, computer repair!"


"We invited a hypnotist to debug a computer".


"Look at him! Going to DIY club instead of music school!"
« Last Edit: October 27, 2019, 08:15:28 am by Canis Dirus Leidy »
 
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Offline Black Phoenix

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #116 on: October 27, 2019, 08:24:20 am »
 
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Offline lwatts666

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #117 on: October 27, 2019, 10:56:32 am »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.
 
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Offline NiHaoMike

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #118 on: October 27, 2019, 01:52:27 pm »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.
The "S" in "HTTP" stands for Security. Guess why "HTTPS" was invented. Should we invent "IoTS"? :)
Cryptocurrency has taught me to love math and at the same time be baffled by it.

Cryptocurrency lesson 0: Altcoins and Bitcoin are not the same thing.
 

Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #119 on: October 27, 2019, 02:39:07 pm »
No because the S would stand for shit then  :-DD
 

Online SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #120 on: October 27, 2019, 02:47:00 pm »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.

 :-DD
 

Offline GlennSprigg

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #121 on: October 28, 2019, 11:28:30 am »
Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"   :palm:

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!!  When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes...  Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"   :scared:
 
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Offline Black Phoenix

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #122 on: October 28, 2019, 01:48:40 pm »
Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"   :palm:

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!!  When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes...  Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"   :scared:

Both of them have exactly the same equivalent in Portuguese, it's basically a translation word by word.
 
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Offline GlennSprigg

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #123 on: November 02, 2019, 12:35:47 pm »
I really don't have anything against the Irish!!  (I was once one!).
Can't help sharing this one too though... (not sure about the 'engineering' aspect...)

Paddy is holidaying in London, and keen to get home he phones the airport...
Paddy:  "Can ya be tellin' me when's the next floight to Dublin!!"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Paddy:  Immediately hangs up... "Jesus Chroist I better hurry, to catch Dat one!!!!"
Paddy is racing along the Motorway, and sees a sign... "Airport Left"....
So he turned around and went back to the Pub.

HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !! 

(Sorry...  :palm:)
 
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Online Gyro

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #124 on: November 02, 2019, 12:57:52 pm »
HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !! 

(Sorry...  :palm:)

Hey, those are a real thing - they do jettison the rotor blades first though.  ;)
Chris

"Victor Meldrew, the Crimson Avenger!"
 


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