engineering jokes

[Nominal Animal]

To me, the best technical jokes and puns are those that give my own viewpoint/understanding the same kind of twist/kick, that realizing it is not the mirror that swaps left and right, but the human concepts of left and right that don't work in reflected image.

It's an ancient storytelling trick, of course: like the one where you realize at the end, that the hero is actually the bad guy.  It makes one think.

[RoGeorge]

The one with the storytelling looks more like a plot twist, where an important clue is withheld until the end.

Both a plot twist and a joke have in common some element of surprise.  In a plot twist, the teller lays a story with all the details but one, while in a joke the teller doesn't tell the details, and lets the listener to assume/build a context, and then an outcome.

In a joke, the listener is left to imagine both the details and the outcome based on the most common expectations.  Then the punch line of the joke comes, and reveals the context was not based on defaults, but on some less frequent situation.  The joker deceives, lures one's mind into using the most common assumptions instead of particular ones, and thus the calculated outcome will be wrong.  Also, the outcome must bring no damage to the listener, or else is not funny.

What is taken as a default for assumptions, how far a simulation will anticipate, how many possible paths are explored, what is considered harmful, etc., will differ from one individual to another, or from one population to another, so the same joke might not look funny, or might not be understood at all depending on the audience.

I suspect laughing is triggered like this:  The mind continuously simulates what will come next.  It does that naturally, all the time.  The default assumptions and how far can we see in the future depends on many aspects.  When the simulated outcome differs from reality, unless the mismatch is damaging, then the typical reaction is laughing.

Why laughing after that, IDK, maybe it's just joy for not taking any penalty after a wrong prediction.  Nature shows no mercy if we miscalculate (e.g. imagine a miscalculated jump over an obstacle), so a miscalculation from which we take no damage could be a good reason to bring joy and celebrate by laughing.  Not sure how a sudden exhale and all the rest of the physical laughter might help, though. 

Anyway, the last two paragraphs were an ad-hoc attempt to find the components that make one lough, seen through the perspective of some theory of mind I am fiddling with (mind as an oracle, with the sensory inputs used to minimize the simulation errors).  Might be incorrect, but to sum it up:  The laughter reaction is triggered when the mind simulation was made as usual, but the reality begs to differ this time, yet no personal damage was taken.

[metrologist]

This thread is totally on topic - exactly what I would expect   

[RoGeorge]

Good engineers don't eat the full pizza.
Good engineers like to leave a margin.


A programmer and a horse enter a bar.
The programmer says 10 beers please, 1 for me and 1 for my horse.
The rest we take it to go.

[RoGeorge]

- What's a 6.9?
- A good thing ruined by a period.

[Nominal Animal]

An engineer walks into a bar.  "Nice place, but the transportation needs work."

An engineer walks into a bar.  "Oops.  Are those atoms?"

An engineer walks into a bar.  "Do you serve engineers here?" he asks.  "Sure", the bartender answers.  "You monsters!" the engineer says, and walks out.

An engineer walks into a bar, and orders two drinks.  The whisky comes first, then the beer.

An engineer walks into a bar, and walks into a bar.  "Horrible design as usual", he comments.

An engineer walks into a bar, and walks into a bar.  "Do you serve engineers here?" he asks.  "Sure! What can I get you?", the atom answers.

[Nominal Animal]

Why did the chemical process engineer lapse into alcoholism?  It was all those boron-argon bonds he created.

[RoGeorge]

Didn't got it for some of those, also tempted to nitpick about a few of them. 

The latest I recall about atoms:
Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

And about software:
- What's the opposite of Microsoft Office?
- Macrohard Onfire.

[RoGeorge]

On a second thought, the one with don't trust atoms, they make up everything, is uncanny similar with this situation:

like the one where you realize at the end, that the hero is actually the bad guy

excepts it's the other way around, the bad guy was in fact the good guy all the time.

It's not the atom's fault, they are coerced to make up everything.
The atoms are the good guys, the electrons are the baddies. 

[Nominal Animal]

An engineer and his waterfowl friend arrive at a pub.  There is a sign outside that says "No pets", but since they're friends and not owner and pet, they decide to enter anyway.
"Duck!", the bartender shouts.  "No, I am an engineer", the engineer responds, and walks straight into the bar.

[Nominal Animal]

Okay, okay, I can take a hint!  I'll get my coat.  It's hanging at the bar.

[Infraviolet]

A programmer walks in to a bar:
Asks for a beer, the bartender responds appropriately.
Asks for 2 beers, again the right response.
Asks for 9999 beers, pleased to see a sensible "are you sure" message.
Asks for -1 beers, adequate error message.
Asks for a lizard, adequate error message.
Asks for aegyihwsygfwhguwhghygwiy, ok error message.
The bar works he says.

First real user walks in to the bar:
Asks where the toilet is, bartender short circuits, door falls off hinges, taps gush everything in the cellar and the kitchen catches fire, just in time for the roof to come crashing down.

[BU508A]

Star Trek technobabble:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtT3qOLvS2t/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng%3D%3D

[VK3DRB]

I don't normally tell jokes, but I told this one to some engineering colleagues, illustrating the importance of attention to detail in electronics design.

Man: "What do I need to do to lose weight?"
Dietician: "Its simple really. Just don't eat anything fatty."
Man: "What, like pies, chips, steaks and so on?"
Dietician: "No. Just don't eat anything, fatty."

 

[fourfathom]

Ah, the missing comma genre.  Here are some more:
"Let's eat, grandma!" / "Let's eat grandma!"
"The panda eats shoots and leaves."  / "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves."

[Xena E]

"The panda eats, shoots, and leaves."

That panda sounds like the modus operandi of my last date.

[audiotubes]

Ah, the missing comma genre.  Here are some more:
"Let's eat, grandma!" / "Let's eat grandma!"
"The panda eats shoots and leaves."  / "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves."

In the same spirit:

What's that in the road ahead? / What's that in the road, a head?

[coppice]

Ah, the missing comma genre.  Here are some more:
"Let's eat, grandma!" / "Let's eat grandma!"
"The panda eats shoots and leaves."  / "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves."

In the same spirit:

What's that in the road ahead? / What's that in the road, a head?

Reminds me of the "Attila the Hun Show" sit com sketch by Monty Python. Attila comes home to the family, says "I want you kids to get ahead", and pulls a severed head from a bag.

[Nominal Animal]

(Sorry about the lack of pixels, it's a third-hand copy.)

[msuffidy]

?

[BU508A]

Q: Why do PHP programmers wear glasses?

A: Because they can't C#

[MK14]

Q: Why do PHP programmers wear glasses?

A: Because they can't C#

I spilled my Java, all over my keyboard, when laughing at that.

[MrMobodies]

Found a beer at the local pub called the Pale Australian.

Q: Now where will you find a pale Australian?

A: Pilbara, Western Australia.
Where the workers use to mine around there in the heat at Wittenoom for asbestos.

[tautech]

Where the workers use to mine around there in the heat at Wittenoom for asbestos.

Hardly a joke that Gubbermints worldwide endorsed asbestos products until medical science proved its dangers.

Today authorities go white everytime another building is found to contain such products yet in many places asbestos pipes are still used in old water main installations....

[themadhippy]

in many places asbestos pipes are still used in old water main installations..

And 101 other things,it was at the time the new wonder building material,it was even suggested as a way to get your home made wine clear.