Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 24385 times)

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Offline maor

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engineering jokes
« on: September 17, 2012, 07:27:56 pm »
I saw this on facebook today, quite racist but it made me laugh, share your own!

 

Offline krish2487

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2012, 07:46:40 pm »
oh yeah!!!!


Thanks to russell peters and his "balm" tree...

>:-D

youtube for russel peter and clubbing in lebanon...

:-P

not engineeriing related but a laugh nevertheless
If god made us in his image,
and we are this stupid
then....
 

Offline PedroDiogo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2012, 10:48:58 pm »
 

Offline nitro2k01

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2012, 10:54:25 pm »
I saw this on facebook today, quite racist but it made me laugh, share your own!

I don't get it. Is the joke just "Arabs can't code for shit" or is there more to it?
Whoa! How the hell did Dave know that Bob is my uncle? Amazing!
 

Offline aluck

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2012, 12:09:46 am »
Suppose it has something to do with an Arabic accent. Their's "b" and "p" are kind of close.
 

Offline nitro2k01

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2012, 12:19:24 am »
Suppose it has something to do with an Arabic accent. Their's "b" and "p" are kind of close.
Right. I was thinking maybe the upper case M in Main had something to do with the joke too, but then I realized that it was C# code, not Java.
Whoa! How the hell did Dave know that Bob is my uncle? Amazing!
 

Offline NiHaoMike

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2012, 04:46:30 am »
There was a toothpaste factory that was facing a rather big problem: the machine that put the toothpaste tubes in the boxes would miss every once in a while and cause the factory to ship an empty box. Obviously, that led to a lot of unhappy customers.

In an effort to solve the problem, they found that the only way to prevent the machine from missing would cause an unacceptable slowdown. So, they decided to fix the problem after the fact. Realizing that toothpaste has a significant water content, it would absorb microwaves quite well. So they got a microwave signal generator and a microwave detector along with an optical sensing system and a PLC. The theory was that a filled box would block both the infrared beam and the microwaves, but an empty box would only block the infrared. After some programming work, they got it to tell the difference every time.

Now that they could sense it, they had to do something about it. They thought to use a robot arm to remove the empty box, but then they realized that they already blew much of their $10,000 budget on the sensing equipment and did not have enough left over for a robot arm. They had to settle for a $20 siren that would go off and notify a worker to find and remove the empty box.

A few days after the system was installed, the worker who removed the empty boxes was tired of the siren going off several times every hour so he put a $25 fan next to the conveyor belt just before the detectors, nicely blowing the empty boxes onto the floor...
« Last Edit: September 18, 2012, 04:48:15 am by NiHaoMike »
Cryptocurrency has taught me to love math and at the same time be baffled by it.

Cryptocurrency lesson 0: Altcoins and Bitcoin are not the same thing.
 
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Offline poptones

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2012, 05:08:44 am »
There's a story about Edison interviewing a potential protege. The student told Edison his academic qualifications, his desire to become an engineer, his excellent mathematical aptitude...

So Edison handed him an empty light bulb envelope and asked him to determine the exact internal volume of the glass. The student took the empty bulb off to a corner with a pen and paper, calipers and trig charts and spent hours measuring every curve and trying his best to meet this challenge. After several hours he returned to Edison and proudly presented his results.

"Good" said Edison. "Let's see how you did." At which point he took the envelope to the sink, filled it with water, and emptied it into a measured flask.
 

Offline AlfBaz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2012, 11:35:51 am »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil
 
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Offline Noize

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2012, 12:18:57 pm »
Four friends go on holiday to South Africa - one English, one American, one French and one Chinese. While out trekking in the countryside they find some gold in the ground. The Frenchman, a geologist, realises that they have stumbled across a rich seam, suitable for a new mine.

The American happens to be a billionaire, so he buys the land with an arrangement that they split the profits four ways - The Englishman is an engineer, so is put in charge of extraction. The Chinese man is involved in import and export so is put in charge of supplies. The Frenchman is a manager, so is put in charge with overseeing the whole operation.

A year later the American returns to see how his investment is going. First he goes to the main office to see how the Frenchman is doing.

"Well," he says, "we're getting some gold out, but there seem to be some problems with the extraction. You'd better go down and see."

So the American walks down to the mine, meets the Englishman emerging from the entrance and asks him how things are going.

"Well" he says, "my boys are fine, but the Chinese guy just isn't pulling his weight. Go down there and you'll see what I mean."

So he walks down into the mine. After a couple of hundred yards it's almost pitch black down there and he can't see or hear anyone. All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"  :D
 

Offline aluck

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2012, 01:46:44 pm »
A few days after the system was installed, the worker who removed the empty boxes was tired of the siren going off several times every hour so he put a $25 fan next to the conveyor belt just before the detectors, nicely blowing the empty boxes onto the floor...
That's The Engineer.
 
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Offline maor

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2012, 04:02:48 pm »
Four friends go on holiday to South Africa - one English, one American, one French and one Chinese. While out trekking in the countryside they find some gold in the ground. The Frenchman, a geologist, realises that they have stumbled across a rich seam, suitable for a new mine.

The American happens to be a billionaire, so he buys the land with an arrangement that they split the profits four ways - The Englishman is an engineer, so is put in charge of extraction. The Chinese man is involved in import and export so is put in charge of supplies. The Frenchman is a manager, so is put in charge with overseeing the whole operation.

A year later the American returns to see how his investment is going. First he goes to the main office to see how the Frenchman is doing.

"Well," he says, "we're getting some gold out, but there seem to be some problems with the extraction. You'd better go down and see."

So the American walks down to the mine, meets the Englishman emerging from the entrance and asks him how things are going.

"Well" he says, "my boys are fine, but the Chinese guy just isn't pulling his weight. Go down there and you'll see what I mean."

So he walks down into the mine. After a couple of hundred yards it's almost pitch black down there and he can't see or hear anyone. All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"  :D
 
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Offline SeanB

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2012, 04:13:01 pm »
I see your problem, you bought French equipment........... All the service tools are "Tool, Special".
 

Offline LaurenceW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2012, 06:15:38 pm »
What goes "Pieces of Seven"?

A Parroty error, of course.

I'll get my coat
If you don't measure, you don't get.
 
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Offline T4P

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Offline krish2487

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2012, 07:38:25 pm »
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan
said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come
with me."
 Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground." Zail
Singh digs. Reagan says, "More, more, more?"
 Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
 Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
 Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
 Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to
have telephones!"
 Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India. In
India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes
 Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig.
 After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
 Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
 Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
 Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
 GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!"

>:-D

FYI: Gyani Zail singh was one of our earlier president.

If god made us in his image,
and we are this stupid
then....
 
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Online Mechatrommer

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #16 on: December 18, 2012, 04:17:38 pm »
dissapointed with her aging thermos mug, a woman went to shoppingmall, to her surprise she got what she looking for. in a corner there's one sales man. woman: "whats this?" man: "this is novel newtech as-seen-on-tv thermos mug... cold stays cold, hot stays hot!" she buys it and went back home happy thinking she got 2in1 mug, "tomorrow i dont have to wake up early making breakfast", she's thinking. that night she made two cups, one hot coffe and one cold ice lemon tea. the coffe is for tomorrow breakfast (as usual) and the lemon tea is for the afternoon (as usual too). she put both cups in the mug and went to bed.
It's extremely difficult to start life.. one features of nature.. physical laws are mathematical theory of great beauty... You may wonder Why? our knowledge shows that nature is so constructed. We simply have to accept it. One could describe the situation by saying that... (Paul Dirac)
 

Offline notsob

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #17 on: December 18, 2012, 09:55:17 pm »
Not so much a joke but a trueism.

'If it's jammed, force it.
 If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway.'

pretty much describes my late father.
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2018, 10:03:44 am »


 ;D
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline GreyWoolfe

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2018, 01:59:09 pm »
That's funny, I don't care who you are.
"Heaven has been described as the place that once you get there all the dogs you ever loved run up to greet you."
 

Offline In Vacuo Veritas

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2018, 02:04:16 pm »
The pay?
 

Offline Avacee

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2018, 03:01:28 pm »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil

Alas, this is a myth / legend / FakeNews / MustBeTrueAsItsOnTheInterWebThingee

This article has some good info on what's used now:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-nasa-spen/
 
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Offline Lord of nothing

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2018, 03:55:42 pm »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil
When your life dont matter a good solution. I gues you never had some Pencil dust in your Eyes, Lung,...?  :clap:
Made in Japan, destroyed in Sulz im Wienerwald.
 

Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2018, 05:08:46 pm »
From my crappy jokes collection...



Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Engineer: The glass is too big.



A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip.

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"



A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl. Doctor used to give her a rose daily and engineer used to give the girl an apple. Girl got confused and asked engineer: There is a meaning of giving rose in Love, Why are you giving apple ? Engineer answered: Because "An apple a day keeps the doctor away".



Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in!
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 05:10:41 pm by bd139 »
 
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Offline duak

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2018, 07:46:19 pm »
It's not well known, but after communism fell and there was more air travel between the eastern bloc countries and the west, commercial pilots noticed that the aircraft started to behave more erratically, especially when the autopilot was engaged.  As reports piled up it was found that the effect correlated with the number of polish nationals on board.  Further investigation ruled out malicious intent and no-one had any ideas.  One day, an EE heard about the problem and instantly figured it out;  to be stable, the poles have to be on the left side of the plane.

-----------------

Edison was famous for saying that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Tesla, who once worked for Edison, was reported to have said that if Edison had learned some math, he could have avoided 90% of the perspiration.
 
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Offline VK5RC

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2018, 08:09:35 pm »
5 Doctors go duck hunting, the first turn is the Family doctor, "I think they are ducks, but I am not sure" while he hesitates, they fly away. Next is the Psychiatrist, " They are ducks, I wonder if they know they are duck" While he is pondering this, they fly away.
Next is the Consultant Physician " Ducks definitely , are they the Grey Spotted duck, the Eastern Migrating duck?" While he ponders this, they too fly away.
Next is the Surgeons turn, as soon as small specs appear over the horizon, he let's go with both barrels, turns to the Pathologists and says" Go and see if they are ducks thanks".
Whoah! Watch where that landed we might need it later.
 
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Offline CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2018, 08:18:28 pm »
Time to drag some old ones out of the vault.  The attached text came to me on a DEC Rainbow 100, in their proprietary email scheme.  Some of you will be able to place that somewhere between the dinosaurs and sabre tooth tigers.
 
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Offline CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2018, 08:52:13 pm »
Another one.  As I recall I got this from the Standards Manual at the second engineering job I held about 50 years ago.  Who says electric power companies don't have a sense of humor.  Those who don't deal well with traditional units will have to figure out how to do translations in a few places.  Back then virtually no one in the US thought metric.

Dredging this up also brought me face to face with Microsoft's inability to read equations in older word documents.  The original blue line from the standards manual was imported in Word sometime in the late eighties, and current word just said there were embedded equations.  Thank heavens for Libre Office which seems to understand that older writings still have current use, unlike the geniuses in Redmond.
 
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Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2018, 10:39:12 pm »
It's not well known, but after communism fell and there was more air travel between the eastern bloc countries and the west, commercial pilots noticed that the aircraft started to behave more erratically, especially when the autopilot was engaged.  As reports piled up it was found that the effect correlated with the number of polish nationals on board.  Further investigation ruled out malicious intent and no-one had any ideas.  One day, an EE heard about the problem and instantly figured it out;  to be stable, the poles have to be on the left side of the plane.

-----------------

Edison was famous for saying that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Tesla, who once worked for Edison, was reported to have said that if Edison had learned some math, he could have avoided 90% of the perspiration.

there is a critical flaw in your joke. The USSR did not actually fall, well it did, but this is my current best model. Imagine the end of terminator 2, but instead of taking place in a steel works, a sewer treatment plant.

The t-1000 (USSR) fell into a waste tank, and re-emerged as the Golgothan from Dogma.
 

Offline ewaller

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #29 on: December 12, 2018, 04:10:19 am »
Q:  How is a dog like Cauchy?

A: They both leave residuals at poles.
 
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Offline mtdoc

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #30 on: December 12, 2018, 04:55:37 am »
An engineer is flying to Rome and excited to be flying first class for the first time.  He finds his seat and is shocked to see that sitting next to him is the Pope!.  He pauses, and thinks, "oh great, I have nothing in common with the Pope. What will we talk about".  The Pope introduces himself and then asks the engineer what he does.  The Pope says "great, you must be good at puzzles".  The engineer thinks proudly to himself "yes I am".  The Pope continues: I'm working on this crossword puzzle and I'm stuck.  "What's a 4 letter word for a woman that ends in UNT"   Briefly the engineer is excited and about to answer but quickly panics and stops himself. He shrugs his shoulders and slumps back into his seat.  Several minutes later it comes to him "AUNT!" he says.  The Pope looks at him and says "Damn, do you have an eraser?"
 
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Offline vk6zgo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #31 on: December 12, 2018, 12:30:59 pm »
A Technician, Engineer, & an Accountant had a dog & a cat.
They each got sick of opening the door to let their pets out to "do their thing" in the garden.

The Tech bought a  "doggy door", & both animals used it.

The Engineer bought a "doggy door" & a "cat flap", & devised a special system so each animal could only use its allocated exit/entrance.

The Accountant bought a "cat flap" & tried to push the dog through it.
 

Offline metrologist

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #32 on: December 12, 2018, 02:50:13 pm »
 
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Offline newbrain

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #33 on: December 12, 2018, 07:58:56 pm »
Well, not a joke, real life, but fantasy names, many, many (too many) years ago.

My manager and all our (small) team are in the meeting room, when the new hire is brought in.
Usual half-formal welcomes, round of introductions, some small talk - nothing out of the ordinary.

Then the manager: "Well, you are an engineer, as most of us here, so let's see if you have one of the skill we really value: being able to make precise estimations!".
"Let's see...how wide is this desk?", the new person have a look then hazards "About 130cm".
"Well, yes, about... ::) but maybe one can do better - Pat, your guess?"
"128.7cm I'd say".
Someone is sent to the lab to get a tape measure, and the desk is proven to be 128.4cm.
"See? This is what we expect from people working here! Let's try again, how much does this pencil weight?"
Already a bit baffled, "10g..." is offered.
"Bob?"
"12.2"
After another run to the lab, to get a scale, the pencil is of course 12.3g!
This goes on for a number of items, with objects (furniture, stationery...) chosen by us and by the new employee: we never fail to estimate the size or weight to less than 0.5%.

They look more and more depressed, so after a while we dismiss the meeting.
We offer encouragement and tell not to worry too much, as we all were newbies once.
Giving them the tape measure and the scale, we recommend to practice as much as possible. :popcorn:

The new hire is seen going around  for a whole week with a notebook, scale and tape, measuring everything from coffee machine to doors, to trays at the canteen, under the increasingly worried looks of other co-workers.

I must admit that they took it with grace, when finally we revealed that we had previously measured and weighted absolutely everything in that room! :-DD >:D
Nandemo wa shiranai wa yo, shitteru koto dake.
 
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Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #34 on: December 12, 2018, 08:55:23 pm »


 ;D
this is really brilliant actually
 

Online tom66

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #35 on: December 12, 2018, 09:21:15 pm »
this is really brilliant actually

It also indicates the failure mode if overvolted.  Eventually, the cap breaks down and passes DC anyway!
 
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Offline RobK_NL

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2018, 09:44:01 pm »
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business
executives and sales people. Now we have a mathematical proof that
explains why this is true:

Postulate 1:  Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2:  Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:

                  Work
         Power = -------
                  Time

Since, as everyone knows from the postulates,

Knowledge = Power and Time = Money, we have:

                      Work
         Knowledge = -------
                      Money

Solving for Money, we get:

                   Work
         Money = ----------
                 Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero (like in the social sub-group
indicated from above), Money approaches infinity regardless of the
amount of Work done!
Tell us what problem you want to solve, not what solution you're having problems with
 
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Offline DDunfield

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #37 on: December 13, 2018, 11:59:15 pm »
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Engineer: The glass is too big.

Me: Are you going to drink that?
 
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Online blueskull

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #38 on: December 14, 2018, 05:46:04 am »
<snip> All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"  :D

Isn't this more like Japanese accent? The shifting from R to L.
Over pronunciation and over separating of syllables is some of the most common Chinglish problems I know.
 

Offline basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #39 on: December 14, 2018, 07:40:14 am »
This one actually sounds plausible.

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That is an exceptionally odd number. Now, why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. Railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English build them that way? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons,which used that wheel spacing. So why did the wagons have that particular odd spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old,long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So, who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? The ruts in the roads, which everyone had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels, were first formed by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The U.S. standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot.  Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back end of two war horses. Thus we have the answer to the original question. Now the twist to the story... When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two booster rockets attached to the side of the main fuel tank. These are Solid Rocket Boosters or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, the major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass!!! Don't you just love engineering?
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 
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Offline radar_macgyver

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #40 on: December 14, 2018, 07:45:16 am »
 

Offline vk6zgo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #41 on: December 14, 2018, 10:11:04 am »
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/horses-pass/

Yes, a moment's thought reveals the error in the clever story.
Railway rolling stock always have a lot of hangover, so extrapolating between the width of horse drawn carriages, where everything sits between the wheels, is a false trail.

The commuter trains in my home city run on 3ft 6in gauge rails, but the interior width is the same as those that run on "Standard gauge".

indeed, in the days of horse drawn wagons, many flat topped "drays" had high load areas, which overhung the wheels considerably, so it doesn't even work for them.
 

Offline Roeland_R

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #42 on: December 14, 2018, 10:17:07 am »
The commuter trains in my home city run on 3ft 6in gauge rails, but the interior width is the same as those that run on "Standard gauge".



Are the horses in your homecity smaller[emoji41]
« Last Edit: December 14, 2018, 10:22:42 am by Roeland_R »
 

Online Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #43 on: December 14, 2018, 10:33:21 am »
Oh and another 'nice round number' in railways is also the power they run on. The standard power for electric locomotives was 15kV at 16 2/3 Hz. This is still used today on a few lines while more modern lines in Europe tend to use 25kV 50Hz.

So why is it 16 2/3 Hz ? Well it turns out this is exactly 1000 cycles per minute. This makes AC motors run at nice round RPM numbers of 1000 rpm 500 rpm 333 rpm 250 rpm etc..

They probably need some rather giant rotary converters to convert 50Hz to 16.7Hz in order to power these lines.
 

Offline RobK_NL

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #44 on: December 14, 2018, 10:49:33 am »
Trains in The Netherlands run on 1500V DC.
Tell us what problem you want to solve, not what solution you're having problems with
 

Offline vk6zgo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #45 on: December 14, 2018, 11:22:59 am »
The commuter trains in my home city run on 3ft 6in gauge rails, but the interior width is the same as those that run on "Standard gauge".



Are the horses in your homecity smaller[emoji41]

Dunno, Rail security wouldn't let me compare my horse's bum with the rail spacing. ;D
 

Online Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #46 on: December 14, 2018, 12:36:25 pm »
Trains in The Netherlands run on 1500V DC.

Here in Slovenia they run on 3kV DC. There is not a whole lot of standardization in terms of this. But in general the 15kV 16.7Hz stuff is still used because they keep using the old trains while the most modern high speed rail lines seam to be using 25kV AC. Id guess the motivation for 25kV AC is cheaper infrastructure.
 

Offline Kleinstein

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #47 on: December 14, 2018, 12:49:37 pm »
The 16 2/3 Hz frequency is still used in the German Rail system.  It is 1/3 the normal 50 Hz mains. Most of the power is directly from separate power stations. There are a few converters to transfer power between the 2 nets.

The supposed reason for the lower frequency was the use of mechanical rectifiers in the early days. These work better at low frequency.
 
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Offline IanMacdonald

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #48 on: December 14, 2018, 02:00:44 pm »
Two protons are going round the 'big ring' are CERN:

"Wha--heey! This is fun! It must be the fastest we've ever been since the Big Bang!  :-DD
"Yes, but I do have a kind of, well, sense of dread about this. It might have a bad ending"
"Oh? Why?"  ???
"There might be one coming the other way."
"Nonsense. You're just trying to scare me."  :bullshit:
 

Offline radar_macgyver

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #49 on: December 14, 2018, 03:49:23 pm »
They probably need some rather giant rotary converters to convert 50Hz to 16.7Hz in order to power these lines.

To say nothing of the transformers on board the trains to step down the 15 kV to ~3kV to drive the motors. Gives new meaning to the term 'big iron'.

So here's one I've heard:

An ME, an EE and a CS major are on a road trip. Suddenly, the car sputters and they pull over and immediately start trying to analyze the problem. "It's the engine!" says the ME. "Let me inspect the fluid levels and find out where the problem is". "Nonsense!" says the EE, "It's got to be the electricals. Let me inspect the wiring and distributor, and find out where the problem is". The CS major is silent for a moment, then in a flash of inspiration says "OK, everybody get out of the car and get back in"
 

Offline schmitt trigger

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #50 on: December 14, 2018, 04:36:00 pm »
This is a very old one: but worth re-telling:

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.


Another one:

A mathematician and an engineer find themselves together in a room, with an exceedingly beautiful woman on the other side. A genie appears and proclaims: "The woman will belong to either one of you who reaches her first. But there is one condition: your first movement consists of half the distance between you and the woman. The second movement, half of the first movement. The third movement, half of the second, and so on."
The mathematician starts crying. He knows that it will take him an infinite time to reach the woman. But the engineer is all smiles: "I work with 10% tolerances"
 

Offline CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #51 on: December 14, 2018, 06:32:16 pm »
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/horses-pass/

Snopes article bends over backwards falsifying this line of thought. 

It points out that that the US equipment was not literally built by British expats.  True enough.  But a huge majority of Americans at the time of railroad initiation were descendents of immigrants from the island kingdom, and the technical tradition and trades of the US were very heavily influenced by the same (note which system of units is still used here.  It isn't the French or German or Russian or any other).  So saying that US wagon standards came from England is probably not false.

In another example it brings up the lack of standardization in Southern railroads, but doesn't mention that of the three gauges used, one was the standard gauge discussed in the lineage, one was the British broad gauge (which was both an attempt to modernize for the conditions of the time and an attempt to create a proprietary, non compatible standard for commercial competitive reasons).  It seems likely that as Snope's says, there is a strong grain of truth in much of the story. 

The story does go off the deep end a bit when it ties the space shuttle to this, but I think a more balanced view would say this logic train is generally correct, if not traceably and literally true in every word.
 

Offline jmelson

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #52 on: December 14, 2018, 08:06:14 pm »
When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two booster rockets attached to the side of the main fuel tank. These are Solid Rocket Boosters or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, the major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass!!! Don't you just love engineering?
The SRB's have a diameter of 12.17 feet, (3.71m), so quite a bit wider than the train tracks.  That tunnel must be more than "slightly" wider than the track.

Jon
 
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Offline rrinker

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #53 on: December 14, 2018, 09:23:27 pm »
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/horses-pass/

Snopes article bends over backwards falsifying this line of thought. 

It points out that that the US equipment was not literally built by British expats.  True enough.  But a huge majority of Americans at the time of railroad initiation were descendents of immigrants from the island kingdom, and the technical tradition and trades of the US were very heavily influenced by the same (note which system of units is still used here.  It isn't the French or German or Russian or any other).  So saying that US wagon standards came from England is probably not false.

In another example it brings up the lack of standardization in Southern railroads, but doesn't mention that of the three gauges used, one was the standard gauge discussed in the lineage, one was the British broad gauge (which was both an attempt to modernize for the conditions of the time and an attempt to create a proprietary, non compatible standard for commercial competitive reasons).  It seems likely that as Snope's says, there is a strong grain of truth in much of the story. 

The story does go off the deep end a bit when it ties the space shuttle to this, but I think a more balanced view would say this logic train is generally correct, if not traceably and literally true in every word.

 Also, many of the early locomotives on some of the first railroads in the US were actually built by British companies and shipped over on boats. One is part of a diveable wreck of the coast of New Jersey. My 'local' railroad, and the one I model, was initially backed by investors from England, and also the first locomotives used were shipped over, before various American builders became established.
 

Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #54 on: December 14, 2018, 09:53:37 pm »
what if gordon freedman was a sales engineer instead of a theoretical physicist?
 

Offline schmitt trigger

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #55 on: December 14, 2018, 10:26:22 pm »
Another dumb engineering joke:

A new teacher is querying a group of new students about their names:

"My name is John Smith" says one.
"My name is Robert White" says another.
"My name is Mary O'Donnell" says a third.
Then another student: "my name is Milli Current Flow".
"WHAT?" replies the teacher.
"What you heard Milli Current Flow" she answers.
And the teacher replies back: "Your name is too long. I'm going to call you Milliamp" .

 

Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #56 on: December 14, 2018, 10:48:44 pm »
here is like 400 minutes of engineering jokes
 

Offline palindrom

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #57 on: January 15, 2019, 12:57:53 pm »
Upgrading your Ethernet to cat.6 hardware is a real eye-opener.
 
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Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #58 on: April 03, 2019, 09:47:22 am »
An opinion  without 3.14 is an onion.

Just to make that clear.
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #59 on: April 05, 2019, 07:22:50 am »
salary
 
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Offline TerraHertz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #60 on: April 06, 2019, 01:50:11 am »
I saved this file, to read after I finish all my current projects.


 :-DD
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Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #61 on: April 06, 2019, 09:20:39 am »
Trust me, I'm an engineer!
https://youtu.be/rp8hvyjZWHs
 
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Offline tautech

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #62 on: April 06, 2019, 10:55:13 am »
Trust me, I'm an engineer!
https://youtu.be/rp8hvyjZWHs
:-DD
The crane toppling over @ 1.32 happened ~10 miles from me a few years back.
One on either side of a tidal creek lifting in tandem a 50m long foot bridge from the roadway bridge onto the new abutments but one crane pad gave way.  :palm:
Avid Rabid Hobbyist
 

Offline soldar

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #63 on: April 06, 2019, 11:35:16 am »
I find the notion that railway standard gauge has come down since Roman times beyond silly and find it difficult to believe anyone would take it seriously.
All my posts are made with 100% recycled electrons and bare traces of grey matter.
 

Offline Lord of nothing

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #64 on: April 09, 2019, 10:44:13 am »
Made in Japan, destroyed in Sulz im Wienerwald.
 

Offline ebastler

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #65 on: April 10, 2019, 05:44:08 am »
Quess what that is:  :palm:

A magnetic shielding tube? I fail to see the joke there.  :-//
 

Offline Lord of nothing

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #66 on: April 10, 2019, 09:26:47 am »
a Steel pipe for 3980,-€
Made in Japan, destroyed in Sulz im Wienerwald.
 

Offline ebastler

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #67 on: April 10, 2019, 09:51:27 am »
No, it‘s mu metal.
Feel free to make your own and start a competing business. ;-)
 

Offline soldar

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #68 on: April 10, 2019, 10:23:36 am »
So it's not a mousetrap?
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Online JackJones

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #69 on: April 10, 2019, 10:36:33 am »
I'm much more interested about these to be honest:



https://aaronia.de/abschirmung/aaronia-baldachine/
 

Offline soldar

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #70 on: April 10, 2019, 11:07:04 am »
I'm much more interested about these to be honest: https://aaronia.de/abschirmung/aaronia-baldachine/

That's the Pope's bed: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baldachin

(Or just a mosquito net?)
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Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #71 on: July 08, 2019, 09:04:41 am »
This is a nice one. Sorry, but some of the meme are more or less German-internally (sort of)

It all started with a broken door at the university in Mainz.

The sign is saying: Broken.  Technician has been informed.





And then the story starts ....     :-DD  >:D  :popcorn:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/de/sebastianfiebrig/techniker-ist-informiert

“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Online Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #72 on: July 08, 2019, 09:18:31 am »
Hah that is quite the story behind repairing a door. :-+

Understanding German does help with understanding some of the more local memes tho.
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #73 on: July 08, 2019, 09:36:58 am »
One of my favourites there is this one:



The guy is Walter Ulbricht, formerly leader of the DDR and the one who was responsible for building the wall in Berlin.

On 15th of June in 1961, shortly before the building of the wall starts, he stated in a press conference: "Niemand hat die Absicht, eine Mauer zu errichten."
Means: "Nobody has an intention to build a wall."

And, you surely guessed it, it becomes this meme.  ;D

(Nobody has the intention to inform a technician.)
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline tocsa120ls

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #74 on: July 08, 2019, 10:26:33 am »
A priest, a surgeon and an engineer are playing golf, when the groundskeeper asks them to play through a slower group. He tells them that those were the firefighters that saved the city last year but they all went blind in a freak explosion.
The priest says "oh how terrible, I will say a prayer for their well-being"
The surgeon says "that's just awful but I have a good buddy who's an ophthalmologist, let me get them an appointment"
The engineer looks in disbelief, then asks "Okay, but why don't they play at night then??"
-------
Short circuit - long fire
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #75 on: July 17, 2019, 03:00:53 pm »
Embedder's Handbook:
 
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Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #76 on: July 17, 2019, 05:26:51 pm »
Hahaha that’s hilarious
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #77 on: July 17, 2019, 08:25:37 pm »
I'm not sure this last one is really a joke though for some. :-DD
 

Offline Refrigerator

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #78 on: July 17, 2019, 09:32:20 pm »
Oooh i know a good joke...

Free energy, perpetual motion, overunity.

Badum-tsssss  ;D
Just started a blog at http://brimmingideas.blogspot.com/ . Not much in it as of now but more is sure to come :)
 
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Online blueskull

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #79 on: July 18, 2019, 04:57:56 am »
Q: What is she looking for?
A: She's looking for screw.

This literally happened today and drew quite some attention.
 

Offline Dundarave

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #80 on: July 18, 2019, 05:31:40 am »
I'm not sure this last one is really a joke though for some. :-DD

Sadly (I can say from many years of experience across many different project domains), it's a real thing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gumption_trap

First coined by Robert Pirsig in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", one of my favourite books.

I speculate that everyone eventually encounters it in some personal project or other.

Who among us isn't wallowing in the detritus of stalled projects that we refuse to get rid of because one day "we'll get around to it" or "pick it up again"?
« Last Edit: July 18, 2019, 05:34:09 am by Dundarave »
 
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Online Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #81 on: July 18, 2019, 05:58:15 am »
Who among us isn't wallowing in the detritus of stalled projects that we refuse to get rid of because one day "we'll get around to it" or "pick it up again"?

What? No, not me. Not at all.
*looks over at the boxes of parts bought for a certain project that i never got around to finishing*
 

Offline lordvader88

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #82 on: July 18, 2019, 06:11:04 am »
cooks are like engineers, and I like food, there fore I should play fallout 4, since it's running in the backgound and I'm hungry
 

Online daqq

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #83 on: July 19, 2019, 07:01:42 pm »
Knock knock.
Race condition.
Who’s there?
Believe it or not, pointy haired people do exist!
+++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
 
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Online hamster_nz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #84 on: July 22, 2019, 07:03:28 am »
A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

“Got any two watt bulbs?”

“For what?”

“That’ll do I’ll take two.”

“Two what?”
 
“I thought you didn’t have any.”

“Any what?”

“Ok then!”

(from @dadsaysjokes on Twitter)

Gaze not into the abyss, lest you become recognized as an abyss domain expert, and they expect you keep gazing into the damn thing.
 

Offline rrinker

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #85 on: July 22, 2019, 07:38:40 pm »
Q: What is she looking for?
A: She's looking for screw.

This literally happened today and drew quite some attention.

 This happened many years ago when I was in high school. Computer science teacher was fairly young (mid 30's) and quite attractive. Head custodian for the high school was also a fairly young guy, who clearly worked out a lot, etc - not the typical "old man" janitor you usually picture. Pencil sharpener was falling off the wall in the comp sci teacher's room. She happens to see the head custodian, named Tim, walking past her door, and without thinking, in front of a room full of high school kids, mostly boys, yells out "Hey Tim, I need a screw". With expected results.
 
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Offline Kjelt

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #86 on: July 22, 2019, 08:57:22 pm »
Three marine engineers are bragging about their achievements.
First the US engineer "we just build a nuclear submarine last year that can stay below the sea surface for 6 months"
Second the Russian engineer " thats nothing, we have now build a triple plutonium powered sub that at least can stay a year below the surface"
Last the Elbonian* engineer: pffff that is nothing, we launched our state of the art submarine twenty years ago and it still has not surfaced.



*Since this is an international forum I choose the fictional "Dilbert" country so not to insult any nation.
 
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Offline tocsa120ls

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #87 on: July 23, 2019, 06:58:22 am »
(I think the US has the dibs on this too with the Thresher)
-------
Short circuit - long fire
 

Offline basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #88 on: July 24, 2019, 03:41:10 am »
I'll bet everyone has heard this one or something like it:
Managers vs Engineers

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.  He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.  He descended a bit more and shouted “Excuse me, can you help me?  I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied. “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.  You are between 40 and 41 degrees north Latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.  “I am,” replied the woman.  “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.  Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The woman below responded, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.  You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.  You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.  The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before you met me, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 
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Offline basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #89 on: July 24, 2019, 03:45:56 am »
And now for something real.
I kid you not.  This was a hotel in the town I lived in for 21 years.  I took the shots myself.  You probably are a redneck if you see nothing odd about eating here:
« Last Edit: July 24, 2019, 03:48:41 am by basinstreetdesign »
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 

Offline Kjelt

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #90 on: July 24, 2019, 06:39:01 am »
I'll bet everyone has heard this one or something like it:
Managers vs Engineers 
Indeed I love the "consultant vs the sheep shepherd"
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #91 on: July 24, 2019, 12:15:26 pm »
I kid you not.  This was a hotel in the town I lived in for 21 years.  I took the shots myself.  You probably are a redneck if you see nothing odd about eating here:

Hmm gotta wonder what exactly is a salard... :-DD
 

Offline schmitt trigger

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #92 on: July 24, 2019, 02:04:38 pm »
It is made of fuirts and vetegables
 

Offline CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #93 on: July 24, 2019, 04:02:14 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.  Now if a meter was off by 3% that would be different.
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #94 on: July 24, 2019, 04:25:25 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.

I wonder if Boeing's engineers thought the same with the 737 MAX's MCAS?

(Cynical joke  ::) )
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #95 on: July 24, 2019, 05:39:07 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.  Now if a meter was off by 3% that would be different.
What if I am a perfectionist redneck engineer/physicist?
(I admit to being an impractical folk who wants to fix *everything*.)
 

Offline jmelson

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #96 on: July 24, 2019, 06:49:47 pm »
(I think the US has the dibs on this too with the Thresher)
Well, it gets a LOT more complicated.  Look up the Russian sub K-129.  It is a VERY scary story.

Jon
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #97 on: July 28, 2019, 04:56:28 pm »

"So, with the help of simple devices, a loaf of wheat (or rye) bread can be turned into a trolleybus… BUT WHY?!"
 
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Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #98 on: July 29, 2019, 05:17:19 am »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.

I wonder if Boeing's engineers thought the same with the 737 MAX's MCAS?

(Cynical joke  ::) )

don't worry, the  power cord will just smoke a bit and go open circuit, there is no need for a fuse, that's why we went to thin aluminum wiring. Do you know how old that technology is? We are a modern company. If there is a problem our semi-lean sigma hyper-agile III management method will catch it. 
« Last Edit: July 29, 2019, 05:23:38 am by coppercone2 »
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #99 on: July 29, 2019, 05:56:19 pm »
If there is a problem our semi-lean sigma hyper-agile III management method will catch it.

You mean we'll open a ticket and put it in the backlog? :-DD
 

Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #100 on: July 29, 2019, 07:17:03 pm »
Ahh yes the backlog. A magic carpet which all accepted risks are put under.

 

Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #101 on: August 03, 2019, 09:07:11 pm »
i will not comment because someone might actually implement what I say :-[

at some point its like selling high quality 'scream' masks next to a sorority house from a hot dog stand at 2am, its obviously a joke but i am pretty sure some nut would come along and pilfer a project with it
« Last Edit: August 03, 2019, 09:09:23 pm by coppercone2 »
 

Offline nigelwright7557

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #102 on: August 06, 2019, 10:01:28 am »
She was only the electronic engineers daughter but no one could resistor.
PCBCAD51/PCBCAD360/PCBCAD720 PCB design software https://www.murtonpikesystems.co.uk
 

Offline tocsa120ls

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #103 on: August 28, 2019, 12:47:10 pm »
On a recent video recommendation by youtube...

Q: How many amp techs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one -- he begins at the front door and replaces every bulb in the building until he gets the one that is out.
-------
Short circuit - long fire
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #104 on: August 28, 2019, 04:34:17 pm »
Q: "What goal do you have?"

A: "Knocking-off time."

Q: "And on the long run?"

A: "Weekend."
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline macboy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #105 on: August 30, 2019, 04:24:04 pm »
Three engineers from America, Germany, and Japan are playing golf. They hear ringing. The Japanese engineer says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", extends his little finger and thumb, holding his hand to his face, and proceeds to carry on a conversation. He finishes, and explains that he was using his company's latest prototype, a phone built in to his hand. The others were impressed. Later, they hear ringing again. the German says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", taps the side of his head, and has a short conversation. When done, he explained he was using the latest in German technology: a phone built in to his head. The others were impressed. Later, the American says "excuse me...", walks to the bushes, drops his pants, squats, and explains, "I'm getting a fax!".
 
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Offline coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #106 on: August 31, 2019, 03:34:39 am »
this is what you look like when you see test equipment

 
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Offline ChunkyPastaSauce

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #107 on: August 31, 2019, 04:13:06 am »
 

Offline bsfeechannel

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #108 on: September 05, 2019, 03:28:51 am »
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #109 on: October 10, 2019, 08:53:52 am »
A police officer stops a car. Behind the steering wheel sits Heisenberg.
Officer: "Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I do know exactly where I am."

 :)
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #110 on: October 10, 2019, 06:30:18 pm »
Erwin Schrödinger is seeing the veterinary surgeon.
Says the vet: "Regarding your cat: I have good news and bad news ..."

 :)
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline Sal Ammoniac

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #111 on: October 10, 2019, 06:47:15 pm »
String Theory
Complexity is the number-one enemy of high-quality code.
 
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Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #112 on: October 10, 2019, 07:07:38 pm »
 

Offline rhodges

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #113 on: October 10, 2019, 09:05:32 pm »
I just saw this one in Jack Ganssle's newsletter.

Quote
From Tom Razov:

A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd. First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.
Currently developing STM8 and STM32. Past includes 6809, Z80, 8086, PIC, MIPS, PNX1302, and some 8748 and 6805. Check out my public code on github. https://github.com/unfrozen
 
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Offline fourfathom

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #114 on: October 10, 2019, 10:59:25 pm »
If architects designed buildings like software engineers designed programs, than the first woodpecker that came along would destroy all civilization.
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #115 on: October 27, 2019, 08:10:35 am »

"Tinning, soldering, computer repair!"


"We invited a hypnotist to debug a computer".


"Look at him! Going to DIY club instead of music school!"
« Last Edit: October 27, 2019, 08:15:28 am by Canis Dirus Leidy »
 
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Offline Black Phoenix

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #116 on: October 27, 2019, 08:24:20 am »
 
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Offline lwatts666

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #117 on: October 27, 2019, 10:56:32 am »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.
 
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Offline NiHaoMike

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #118 on: October 27, 2019, 01:52:27 pm »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.
The "S" in "HTTP" stands for Security. Guess why "HTTPS" was invented. Should we invent "IoTS"? :)
Cryptocurrency has taught me to love math and at the same time be baffled by it.

Cryptocurrency lesson 0: Altcoins and Bitcoin are not the same thing.
 

Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #119 on: October 27, 2019, 02:39:07 pm »
No because the S would stand for shit then  :-DD
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #120 on: October 27, 2019, 02:47:00 pm »
From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.

 :-DD
 

Offline GlennSprigg

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #121 on: October 28, 2019, 11:28:30 am »
Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"   :palm:

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!!  When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes...  Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"   :scared:
 
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Offline Black Phoenix

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #122 on: October 28, 2019, 01:48:40 pm »
Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"   :palm:

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!!  When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes...  Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"   :scared:

Both of them have exactly the same equivalent in Portuguese, it's basically a translation word by word.
 
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Offline GlennSprigg

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #123 on: November 02, 2019, 12:35:47 pm »
I really don't have anything against the Irish!!  (I was once one!).
Can't help sharing this one too though... (not sure about the 'engineering' aspect...)

Paddy is holidaying in London, and keen to get home he phones the airport...
Paddy:  "Can ya be tellin' me when's the next floight to Dublin!!"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Paddy:  Immediately hangs up... "Jesus Chroist I better hurry, to catch Dat one!!!!"
Paddy is racing along the Motorway, and sees a sign... "Airport Left"....
So he turned around and went back to the Pub.

HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !! 

(Sorry...  :palm:)
 
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Offline Gyro

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #124 on: November 02, 2019, 12:57:52 pm »
HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !! 

(Sorry...  :palm:)

Hey, those are a real thing - they do jettison the rotor blades first though.  ;)
Chris

"Victor Meldrew, the Crimson Avenger!"
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #125 on: November 13, 2019, 12:17:33 pm »
If you need to explain active power, reactive power and apparent power to somebody which is not familiar with EE then I recommend to have a beer.

 ;D  :-+

“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline coppice

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #126 on: November 13, 2019, 01:08:44 pm »
If you need to explain active power, reactive power and apparent power to somebody which is not familiar with EE then I recommend to have a beer.

 ;D  :-+


That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #127 on: November 13, 2019, 02:52:13 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.

If you're after such details then there isn't enough beer involved.  ;D
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline coppice

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #128 on: November 13, 2019, 02:59:16 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.

If you're after such details then there isn't enough beer involved.  ;D
So you think additional beer will straighten things? I thought it worked the other way around.
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #129 on: November 13, 2019, 03:20:45 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.

If you're after such details then there isn't enough beer involved.  ;D
So you think additional beer will straighten things? I thought it worked the other way around.

If it will not then it wasn't enough beer.
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #130 on: November 13, 2019, 03:42:07 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.
I tried that, but the beer fell out.

You owe me a beer now, btw.
 
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Online Mechatrommer

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #131 on: November 13, 2019, 03:45:56 pm »
sure it's not enough beer if it's not send you to the reactive power... there are funnier things than resting in peace... like blaming "The Other" for anything wrong in this world...
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9939161/drunk-student-electric-shock-claimed-30ft-pole-ohio-university/
« Last Edit: November 13, 2019, 03:48:36 pm by Mechatrommer »
It's extremely difficult to start life.. one features of nature.. physical laws are mathematical theory of great beauty... You may wonder Why? our knowledge shows that nature is so constructed. We simply have to accept it. One could describe the situation by saying that... (Paul Dirac)
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #132 on: November 13, 2019, 03:47:50 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.
I tried that, but the beer fell out.

 :-DD
 

Offline rhodges

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #133 on: November 13, 2019, 07:51:45 pm »
Could it be the beer has an imaginary component? This seems too complex for me.
Currently developing STM8 and STM32. Past includes 6809, Z80, 8086, PIC, MIPS, PNX1302, and some 8748 and 6805. Check out my public code on github. https://github.com/unfrozen
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #134 on: November 13, 2019, 07:59:59 pm »
Could it be the beer has an imaginary component? This seems too complex for me.
I always considered the head on a beer an imaginary component.
 

Offline GlennSprigg

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #135 on: November 18, 2019, 12:30:38 pm »
Well, maybe 'Chemical' Engineering. Always thought this was funny!!   :-DD
 
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Offline bsfeechannel

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #136 on: December 11, 2019, 04:14:57 am »
 

Online BU508A

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“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #138 on: January 24, 2020, 10:01:08 pm »
So true. Years of common lisp and now C#  :-DD
 

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #139 on: February 05, 2020, 09:54:55 am »
Finally, I've found the square root:

“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #140 on: February 07, 2020, 02:22:35 pm »

"So, I understand correctly that you spent 4,000 bucks on the interconnect cable because you “hear the difference”, but you don't hear me calling you from the kitchen??"
« Last Edit: February 07, 2020, 02:25:42 pm by Canis Dirus Leidy »
 
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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #141 on: February 07, 2020, 08:16:06 pm »
(Attachment Link)
"So, I understand correctly that you spent 4,000 bucks on the interconnect cable because you “hear the difference”, but you don't hear me calling you from the kitchen??"

At least she knows her place.
 
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Offline Cyberdragon

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #142 on: February 08, 2020, 05:38:30 am »
(Attachment Link)
"So, I understand correctly that you spent 4,000 bucks on the interconnect cable because you “hear the difference”, but you don't hear me calling you from the kitchen??"

At least she knows her place.
OOF
*BZZZZZZAAAAAP*
Voltamort strikes again!
Explodingus - someone who frequently causes accidental explosions
 
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Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #143 on: February 10, 2020, 02:38:57 pm »
A French aspect to nuclear physics:

“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #144 on: February 10, 2020, 02:57:04 pm »
Finally, I've found the square root:

Sorry, that one is for German speakers only (pointing out a common mispelling of Maschine):
Sagt ein Gleisarbeiter zum anderen: "Waschmaschine"
Safety devices hinder evolution
 

Online BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #145 on: February 18, 2020, 06:18:37 pm »
Did you know?
If you read "Neil Armstrong" backwards, it is saying: "Gnorts Mr. Alien".
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline hwj-d

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #146 on: February 18, 2020, 10:18:12 pm »
i've built a new jet:

« Last Edit: February 18, 2020, 10:42:41 pm by hwj-d »
 

Online Ed.Kloonk

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #147 on: February 18, 2020, 11:48:01 pm »
i've built a new jet:



Make sure loose items are stowed.
 

Offline Kjelt

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #148 on: February 19, 2020, 07:52:54 am »
i've built a new jet:
:-DD
Probably to match the new EU environmental emission standards
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #149 on: February 19, 2020, 08:19:24 am »
Ain't a jet; it's an ornithopthopthopter.
 

Offline AlfBaz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #150 on: March 03, 2020, 11:03:51 pm »
Too soon? :D
 
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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #151 on: March 28, 2020, 11:39:06 pm »
Isaac Newton: "Today, I'm staying at home, chilling."

'Isaac, we cannot publish that!"

"Ok, write the following: First Newton's Law: In an inertial frame of reference, an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force."
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline dbctronic

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #152 on: March 29, 2020, 01:48:36 am »
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are attending a conference. They stay in hotel rooms with walls that meet at a common corner.
An outlet in the corner shorts out and starts a fire. The engineer runs for his room's fire extinguisher, douses the outlet, then douses the wall for a two foot radius around. He then starts writing a log and observes it for the next two hours.
The physicist does a quick calculation on a notepad, gets his fire extinguisher, and douses his wall with one precise burst. He is satisfied after ten minutes that he's put it out.
The mathematician stares at the fire in his wall, thinks for a moment, then runs into the bathroom and runs water on his hand. He nods and goes back to bed.
 
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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #153 on: April 01, 2020, 12:55:30 pm »
A police officer stops a car. Behind the steering wheel sits Heisenberg.
Officer: "Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I do know exactly where I am."

Better version:

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm are in a car and they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.

The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws his handy and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”

“We do now, asshole!” shouts Schroedinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline mrflibble

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #154 on: April 01, 2020, 05:40:07 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.
I tried that, but the beer fell out.
Pffff, wrong dimension. The normal vector should be parallel to that time arrow thingy. That neatly solves the orthogonality and beer existence problem in one go. *burp*

 

Offline MrMobodies

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #155 on: April 02, 2020, 11:54:04 pm »
I have a small simple joke:

A manager walks into a firm and says to everyone, "We're going to be needing new firmware in this office so therefore you're all FIRED!"
 

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #156 on: April 03, 2020, 08:27:40 am »
I have a small simple joke:

A manager walks into a firm and says to everyone, "We're going to be needing new firmware in this office so therefore you're all FIRED!"

Ungh!, That's a mean one!  >:D
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #157 on: April 03, 2020, 08:53:23 am »
We regularly refer to the office folk as firmware or meatspace :-DD
 

Offline hwj-d

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #158 on: April 03, 2020, 03:45:31 pm »
I'm empty. So, no need to fire me ...  :-//
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #159 on: April 03, 2020, 05:09:33 pm »
That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.
I tried that, but the beer fell out.
Pffff, wrong dimension. The normal vector should be parallel to that time arrow thingy. That neatly solves the orthogonality and beer existence problem in one go. *burp*
Took me a while, but I contacted some of my crosstime alternatives.  They got frigging angry, me talking about beer.  Most of them have to drink kilju, since there is no more beer there due to the nuclear fallout. Kilju being made of water, sugar, and yeast (they say they use a small dead critter instead), has no head.

Oh wait, you said parallel, not perpendicular...  Nevermind.
 

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #160 on: June 06, 2020, 08:40:24 pm »
99 little bugs in the code,
99 little bugs. Take one down,
 patch it around,
117 little bugs in the code.
Believe it or not, pointy haired people do exist!
+++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
 
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Offline Larryc001

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #161 on: June 09, 2020, 04:56:50 am »
I don’t know if this has anything to do with engineering but I thought it is pretty funny.

The Gerrymandering font

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/KC3PGZHZBJFZDFF5S5VKVCDNJM.jpg&w=916
 
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