Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 24955 times)

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Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #75 on: July 17, 2019, 03:00:53 pm »
Embedder's Handbook:
 
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Offline bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #76 on: July 17, 2019, 05:26:51 pm »
Hahaha that’s hilarious
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #77 on: July 17, 2019, 08:25:37 pm »
I'm not sure this last one is really a joke though for some. :-DD
 

Offline Refrigerator

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #78 on: July 17, 2019, 09:32:20 pm »
Oooh i know a good joke...

Free energy, perpetual motion, overunity.

Badum-tsssss  ;D
Just started a blog at http://brimmingideas.blogspot.com/ . Not much in it as of now but more is sure to come :)
 
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Offline blueskull

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #79 on: July 18, 2019, 04:57:56 am »
Q: What is she looking for?
A: She's looking for screw.

This literally happened today and drew quite some attention.
 

Offline Dundarave

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #80 on: July 18, 2019, 05:31:40 am »
I'm not sure this last one is really a joke though for some. :-DD

Sadly (I can say from many years of experience across many different project domains), it's a real thing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gumption_trap

First coined by Robert Pirsig in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", one of my favourite books.

I speculate that everyone eventually encounters it in some personal project or other.

Who among us isn't wallowing in the detritus of stalled projects that we refuse to get rid of because one day "we'll get around to it" or "pick it up again"?
« Last Edit: July 18, 2019, 05:34:09 am by Dundarave »
 
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Offline Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #81 on: July 18, 2019, 05:58:15 am »
Who among us isn't wallowing in the detritus of stalled projects that we refuse to get rid of because one day "we'll get around to it" or "pick it up again"?

What? No, not me. Not at all.
*looks over at the boxes of parts bought for a certain project that i never got around to finishing*
 

Offline lordvader88

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #82 on: July 18, 2019, 06:11:04 am »
cooks are like engineers, and I like food, there fore I should play fallout 4, since it's running in the backgound and I'm hungry
 

Offline daqq

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #83 on: July 19, 2019, 07:01:42 pm »
Knock knock.
Race condition.
Who’s there?
Believe it or not, pointy haired people do exist!
+++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
 
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Offline hamster_nz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #84 on: July 22, 2019, 07:03:28 am »
A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

“Got any two watt bulbs?”

“For what?”

“That’ll do I’ll take two.”

“Two what?”
 
“I thought you didn’t have any.”

“Any what?”

“Ok then!”

(from @dadsaysjokes on Twitter)

Gaze not into the abyss, lest you become recognized as an abyss domain expert, and they expect you keep gazing into the damn thing.
 

Offline rrinker

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #85 on: July 22, 2019, 07:38:40 pm »
Q: What is she looking for?
A: She's looking for screw.

This literally happened today and drew quite some attention.

 This happened many years ago when I was in high school. Computer science teacher was fairly young (mid 30's) and quite attractive. Head custodian for the high school was also a fairly young guy, who clearly worked out a lot, etc - not the typical "old man" janitor you usually picture. Pencil sharpener was falling off the wall in the comp sci teacher's room. She happens to see the head custodian, named Tim, walking past her door, and without thinking, in front of a room full of high school kids, mostly boys, yells out "Hey Tim, I need a screw". With expected results.
 
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Offline Kjelt

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #86 on: July 22, 2019, 08:57:22 pm »
Three marine engineers are bragging about their achievements.
First the US engineer "we just build a nuclear submarine last year that can stay below the sea surface for 6 months"
Second the Russian engineer " thats nothing, we have now build a triple plutonium powered sub that at least can stay a year below the surface"
Last the Elbonian* engineer: pffff that is nothing, we launched our state of the art submarine twenty years ago and it still has not surfaced.



*Since this is an international forum I choose the fictional "Dilbert" country so not to insult any nation.
 
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Offline tocsa120ls

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #87 on: July 23, 2019, 06:58:22 am »
(I think the US has the dibs on this too with the Thresher)
-------
Short circuit - long fire
 

Online basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #88 on: July 24, 2019, 03:41:10 am »
I'll bet everyone has heard this one or something like it:
Managers vs Engineers

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.  He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.  He descended a bit more and shouted “Excuse me, can you help me?  I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied. “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.  You are between 40 and 41 degrees north Latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.  “I am,” replied the woman.  “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.  Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The woman below responded, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.  You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.  You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.  The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before you met me, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 
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Online basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #89 on: July 24, 2019, 03:45:56 am »
And now for something real.
I kid you not.  This was a hotel in the town I lived in for 21 years.  I took the shots myself.  You probably are a redneck if you see nothing odd about eating here:
« Last Edit: July 24, 2019, 03:48:41 am by basinstreetdesign »
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 

Offline Kjelt

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #90 on: July 24, 2019, 06:39:01 am »
I'll bet everyone has heard this one or something like it:
Managers vs Engineers 
Indeed I love the "consultant vs the sheep shepherd"
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #91 on: July 24, 2019, 12:15:26 pm »
I kid you not.  This was a hotel in the town I lived in for 21 years.  I took the shots myself.  You probably are a redneck if you see nothing odd about eating here:

Hmm gotta wonder what exactly is a salard... :-DD
 

Offline schmitt trigger

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #92 on: July 24, 2019, 02:04:38 pm »
It is made of fuirts and vetegables
 

Online CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #93 on: July 24, 2019, 04:02:14 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.  Now if a meter was off by 3% that would be different.
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #94 on: July 24, 2019, 04:25:25 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.

I wonder if Boeing's engineers thought the same with the 737 MAX's MCAS?

(Cynical joke  ::) )
 

Online Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #95 on: July 24, 2019, 05:39:07 pm »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.  Now if a meter was off by 3% that would be different.
What if I am a perfectionist redneck engineer/physicist?
(I admit to being an impractical folk who wants to fix *everything*.)
 

Offline jmelson

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #96 on: July 24, 2019, 06:49:47 pm »
(I think the US has the dibs on this too with the Thresher)
Well, it gets a LOT more complicated.  Look up the Russian sub K-129.  It is a VERY scary story.

Jon
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #97 on: July 28, 2019, 04:56:28 pm »

"So, with the help of simple devices, a loaf of wheat (or rye) bread can be turned into a trolleybus… BUT WHY?!"
 
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Online coppercone2

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #98 on: July 29, 2019, 05:17:19 am »
You could be a redneck, or maybe just an engineer.  Practical folks who don't see the point in wasting money to fix something that doesn't matter that much.

I wonder if Boeing's engineers thought the same with the 737 MAX's MCAS?

(Cynical joke  ::) )

don't worry, the  power cord will just smoke a bit and go open circuit, there is no need for a fuse, that's why we went to thin aluminum wiring. Do you know how old that technology is? We are a modern company. If there is a problem our semi-lean sigma hyper-agile III management method will catch it. 
« Last Edit: July 29, 2019, 05:23:38 am by coppercone2 »
 

Offline SiliconWizard

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #99 on: July 29, 2019, 05:56:19 pm »
If there is a problem our semi-lean sigma hyper-agile III management method will catch it.

You mean we'll open a ticket and put it in the backlog? :-DD
 


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