Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 45053 times)

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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #300 on: May 26, 2021, 07:02:42 am »
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline Shiv

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #301 on: June 08, 2021, 01:43:22 pm »
It reminds me a joke we made to 2 new practice workers here.

NOTE: I work in INTA, Spanish national institute for aeroespace... (3k+ workers here and too many high grade militars and politicial related personnel)

-Hey , you made the forms for using the pool?
-What pool?
-The pool for employees, behind the main building (management building)...
-No, what should we do?
-Fill the form and ask to our director to sign (100 people behind him)
-ok.

They filled it, they go to the director of our department and,...

-Hi Pedro, can you sign this for us?
-What´s this?
-Permission for the pool...

- ... eeeemmmm .... uummm... you forgot to add DNI anda names for family companions.Fill it and I sign.

THEY COME BACK
-Here it is.
-OK, signed. Go to the directors office, and it´s done.(CEO, aka General of the spanish Air Forces)

They went. They went. They went.

They were at directors door when our director called they back.

About 15 years ago, but we keep laughting.

 

Offline themadhippy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #302 on: June 08, 2021, 02:01:39 pm »
Quote
-Hey , you made the forms for using the pool?
-What pool?
Thats like one of the the old   wind the apprentice up   "make sure you bring a towel and swimming trunks tomorrow ,were working in the typing pool"
 

Offline basinstreetdesign

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #303 on: June 10, 2021, 03:47:19 am »
Quote
-Hey , you made the forms for using the pool?
-What pool?
Thats like one of the the old   wind the apprentice up   "make sure you bring a towel and swimming trunks tomorrow ,were working in the typing pool"
Or sending the new hire across the airport to the mech shop for a bucket of prop wash...
STAND BACK!  I'm going to try SCIENCE!
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #304 on: June 10, 2021, 07:54:47 am »
Does it count that as kids, we convinced some friends to go to a store and ask for "spare sparks" (irtokipinä) and a "piston return spring" (männänpalautusjousi), before we could repair their 50cc moped?  Same thing, really...
 
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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #305 on: June 10, 2021, 09:14:47 am »
Those jokes had already a very long beard 40 years back in the days  :-DD
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #306 on: June 10, 2021, 10:01:48 am »
Another popular one while fixing a moped is to send them to the gas station to buy a liter bottle of green compression because the engine doesn't have any compression.
 

Offline madires

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #307 on: June 10, 2021, 10:24:07 am »
Could you please hand me the 12mm flat wrench for left-hand threads?
 

Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #308 on: June 10, 2021, 10:33:14 am »
Could you please hand me the 12mm flat wrench for left-hand threads?

That one right there next to the anvil clock?
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline Berni

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #309 on: June 10, 2021, 10:42:45 am »
Could you please hand me the 12mm flat wrench for left-hand threads?

That one right there next to the anvil clock?

No no its right next to the pliers for pulling out holes.
 

Offline madires

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #310 on: June 10, 2021, 11:01:47 am »
I've meant the one left to the bag of gear box sand.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2021, 11:12:41 am by madires »
 

Offline CatalinaWOW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #311 on: June 11, 2021, 05:37:31 pm »
Years ago came across this description of engineers.  Funny but true enough to hurt.

Engineers Explained -------------------

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the non technical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This paper will teach you everything you need to know. You can learn their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...

A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CTS III system, establish a project schedule, and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron or that logistics must have messed up the installation/operator manual.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on bad marketing or a defective product due to teaming problems.

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.

"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interactions:

   Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation 
   Important social contacts
   A feeling of connectedness with other humans

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

   Get it over with as soon as possible.
   Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
   Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:  (1)things that need to be fixed, and (2)things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet or do the tilt drop test again.

No engineer looks at a cap pistol without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun RAY gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe (Hide and Ride!), making view graphs, or working on calibration problems.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. "DUH"! While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

 HONESTY

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
 
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Online MrMobodies

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #312 on: June 11, 2021, 07:05:15 pm »
There were some children playing around in the park one late evening making lots of noise accompanied with plastic bottles of ales and ciders brought from some discount store.

A policeman turns up following complaints about the noise and see the drinks and enquires about their age and eventually they admit they're under age so when the policeman went to confiscate the drinks and ask about where they live and the parents they all say but they're not real.

Real ale or ciders
« Last Edit: June 11, 2021, 07:10:09 pm by MrMobodies »
 

Offline PwrElectronics

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #313 on: June 11, 2021, 10:24:20 pm »
RE: Sending the newbie to get a "joke" item...

A OLD one in the rural area of Minnesota, USA I was told was send the new hire to the hardware store to get a "left handed monkey wrench".  Now, there actually is/was something called a "monkey wrench" in common slang but they were not in left or right versions.  A crude looking adjustable wrench for square headed bolts that were the norm on farm equipment.

Like telling someone the problem with their car is the blinker fluid is low, or you need a muffler belt....
 

Online Ed.Kloonk

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #314 on: June 11, 2021, 10:28:02 pm »
 
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Offline hamster_nz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #315 on: June 11, 2021, 11:43:44 pm »
(Sorry, unable to id the original artist)
Gaze not into the abyss, lest you become recognized as an abyss domain expert, and they expect you keep gazing into the damn thing.
 

Online eti

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #316 on: June 12, 2021, 05:20:00 am »
I’ve got an engineering joke:

Tesla.
 
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Offline Cyberdragon

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #317 on: June 12, 2021, 07:30:55 am »
I’ve got an engineering joke:

Tesla.

I've got a better one...

but you'll have to wait, he has to apply deoderant first, then possibly some heavy cologne.
*BZZZZZZAAAAAP*
Voltamort strikes again!
Explodingus - someone who frequently causes accidental explosions
 

Offline vk6zgo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #318 on: June 12, 2021, 03:52:05 pm »
Not really an engineering joke, although there is an "engineering" tool used in it.

A warrior was set upon by a horde of evildoers.

He fought valiantly, but was almost on the point of being overwhelmed, when suddenly, a large figure appeared, wielding a huge hammer, with which he despatched prodigious numbers of the enemy.
For every two our original protagionist prevailed against, he beat four.

Eventually, the hordes took to flight, leaving the two warriors standing there bloody but unbowed.
Turning to the imposing figure beside him, our hero asked "Are you Thor?"

The answer came:-
"Yeth, but we vanquithed thothe barthtids, so ith wath worth it!"
 

Offline TimFox

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #319 on: June 12, 2021, 04:06:57 pm »
There was an old non-engineering joke in Playboy about orgies in Valhalla, of which the punchline was “I’m tho Thor I can hardly walk”.
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #320 on: June 15, 2021, 06:28:26 am »
Very useful, but little known Git command:
git-dramatize-upstream - Negligently dramatizes modified upstream upstreams using local origins, while clutterring relevant hooks to translate the given upstreams.
 

Offline Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #321 on: June 15, 2021, 09:43:06 am »
Ehh?
Code: [Select]
$ man -k drama
drama: nothing appropriate.
 

Offline DiTBho

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #322 on: June 15, 2021, 09:57:35 am »
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships.

A.I. they are always honest. Human beings, engineers or non-engineers, always lie!
(I am human after all, did I lie in the previous sentence?
Yes, because you are human too so it is in your interest to defend the category?)
 

Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #323 on: June 15, 2021, 10:00:48 am »
Oh, someone has been reading this book:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6del,_Escher,_Bach
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline Sal Ammoniac

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #324 on: June 15, 2021, 03:13:12 pm »
Very useful, but little known Git command:
git-dramatize-upstream - Negligently dramatizes modified upstream upstreams using local origins, while clutterring relevant hooks to translate the given upstreams.

Another Git joke...

In Case of Fire:
git commit
git push
git outa the building
Complexity is the number-one enemy of high-quality code.
 


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