engineering jokes

[mrflibble]

In Case of Fire:
git commit
git push
git blame
git outa the building

That git-dramatize-upstream command mentioned earlier gives me an idea though. Something along the lines of "GPT-3 + github + 4chan".  Possibly with a flame fest preprocessor. Mmmh, now that I think about it ... there is bound to be someone else who already implemented it.

[Canis Dirus Leidy]

Ehh?

Code: [Select]

$ man -k drama
drama: nothing appropriate.


Behold the power of Markov chains!

Code: [Select]

git-taunt-mailing-list - incorrectly taunts non-performed downstream mailing lists outside other reset stash entries, modifies setups, etc.
P.S. In reality, this is, of course, just example of random text generator works. But sometimes it's funny.

[Sal Ammoniac]

git-piss-off-torvalds - posts request to rewrite the kernel in C++ to the kernel mailing list.

[free_electron]

Newly minted engineer is looking for a job when he stumbles across a huge engineering facility being built. Sign says 'help wanted' , so he walks in and asks where he can apply. One of the builders directs him to the foremans office. The engineer thinks this is odd but goes nonetheless. Knocks at the door and asks if he can hand his resume. The foreman looks him over and says " don't need that, you can start immediately, we're very short staffed. Oh wow, what luck the engineer thinks. The foreman takes him outside the mobile office , points ot a pile of dirt and says "see that pile of dirt ? it needs to be moved over there." The engineers says " oh , but .. i'm an engineer and" , the foreman interrupts him mid sentence and says "Ah, Ok, let me explain it again then"

[Howardlong]

A programmer, a mechanical engineer and an electronics engineer are in a car driving through the mountains.

The get to the top of a pass, and as the car travels back down the steep hill, the brakes keep locking up the wheels, making the car skid and it becomes increasingly uncontrollable: terrified, they just manage to pull over into an a runaway truck ramp.

Shocked, the three jump out to analyse the situation.

The mechanical engineer says "Looks like the brake calipers are in need of some adjustment".

The EE says "Nah, it's an anti-lock braking system sensor that's failed".

The programmer says, "No. We just got unlucky. Let's drive up to the top of the hill and try again."

[SiliconWizard]

Unluckily missed the happy path!

[Gyro]

A programmer, a mechanical engineer and an electronics engineer are in a car driving through the mountains.

The get to the top of a pass, and as the car travels back down the steep hill, the brakes keep locking up the wheels, making the car skid and it becomes increasingly uncontrollable: terrified, they just manage to pull over into an a runaway truck ramp.

Shocked, the three jump out to analyse the situation.

The mechanical engineer says "Looks like the brake calipers are in need of some adjustment".

The EE says "Nah, it's an anti-lock braking system sensor that's failed".

The programmer says, "No. We just got unlucky. Let's drive up to the top of the hill and try again."

In the version I know, the car doesn't have ABS (maybe an older version then!) and the Software guy says 'Let's drive back up to the top of the hill and see if the brakes burn out again" 

[Kasper]

An engineer at a startup calls the CEO 'Holmes'. The CEO is thinking Sherlock, I'm like Sherlock Holmes, I'm so smart I can figure out engineering without even having an engineering degree.  The engineer was thinking Elizabeth.

[Ed.Kloonk]

An engineer at a startup calls the CEO 'Holmes'. The CEO is thinking Sherlock, I'm like Sherlock Holmes, I'm so smart I can figure out engineering without even having an engineering degree.  The engineer was thinking Elizabeth.

Not John, the great actor?

 

(you know what he did to everything he touched?)

[MK14]

An engineer, explained that, although he'd probably prefer never to die, if he does, he wants it to be like his late grandfather. Who died, entirely peacefully, while he slept.
Not like dying, in complete and absolute terror, like the final passengers his grandfather was driving.

[Kasper]

An engineer at a startup calls the CEO 'Holmes'. The CEO is thinking Sherlock, I'm like Sherlock Holmes, I'm so smart I can figure out engineering without even having an engineering degree.  The engineer was thinking Elizabeth.

Not John, the great actor?

 

(you know what he did to everything he touched?)

Haha no.

[Zeyneb]

An engineer, explained that, although he'd probably prefer never to die, if he does, he wants it to be like his late grandfather. Who died, entirely peacefully, while he slept.
Not like dying, in complete and absolute terror, like the final passengers his grandfather was driving.

The first thing I think off when I witness a fatal car crash: "Hey, that's peaceful!"

[MK14]

The first thing I think off when I witness a fatal car crash: "Hey, that's peaceful!"

Possibly, the original source of the joke, from quite a long time ago, and the exact way it is suppose to be said, is (many links to it, not sure exactly where I first heard it, so no links supplied):

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

EDIT: Actually, one of the links, seems to have it in image format. So copied here:

[SeanB]

An engineer at a startup calls the CEO 'Holmes'. The CEO is thinking Sherlock, I'm like Sherlock Holmes, I'm so smart I can figure out engineering without even having an engineering degree.  The engineer was thinking Elizabeth.

Not John, the great actor?

 

(you know what he did to everything he touched?)

Well, I hear he was able to stretch things quite a bit, and afterwards they were forever loose. He was able to do things a hedgehog was unable to do as well.

His son also took up the same career path, and is very much the splitting image of his father in all respects.

[Ed.Kloonk]

An engineer at a startup calls the CEO 'Holmes'. The CEO is thinking Sherlock, I'm like Sherlock Holmes, I'm so smart I can figure out engineering without even having an engineering degree.  The engineer was thinking Elizabeth.

Not John, the great actor?

 

(you know what he did to everything he touched?)

Well, I hear he was able to stretch things quite a bit, and afterwards they were forever loose. He was able to do things a hedgehog was unable to do as well.

His son also took up the same career path, and is very much the splitting image of his father in all respects.

Ha. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, eh?

[BU508A]

[Ed.Kloonk]

He's a good actor. One of the few antagonists I enjoy to watch in any show that I do watch.

[BU508A]

Just for the ones who think "WTF?!?", the lower right picture is a Jeffries tube.
The place, where all kind of engineers are doing weird things to save the Captain's ass.

 

[Ed.Kloonk]

 

[free_electron]

He's a good actor. One of the few antagonists I enjoy to watch in any show that I do watch.

most actors only have to change characters. he has to change species !

[BU508A]

  

[MK14]

  

In theory, I found that joke extremely funny. But, in practice I didn't find it funny at all.

[BU508A]

Fun with flags

[coppice]

Possibly, the original source of the joke, from quite a long time ago, and the exact way it is suppose to be said, is (many links to it, not sure exactly where I first heard it, so no links supplied):

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

I've seen that joke phrased with a pilot, bus driver, train driver, and other operators of potentially lethal equipment. Based on the historical sequence of these professions, my guess is train driver was the original.

[MK14]

I've seen that joke phrased with a pilot, bus driver, train driver, and other operators of potentially lethal equipment. Based on the historical sequence of these professions, my guess is train driver was the original.

I bet a lot of jokes have complicated and very long histories, like that. So it makes lots of sense. Even with words, the experts seem to need lots of time, to try and determine when a word was first used, and I don't think they can be really sure, either.
E.g. The term 'Computer bug', as in programming bug. Earlier was actual living 'bugs' between relay contacts, during the second world war. But, apparently the term 'bug' was used a long time before then (at least about 10 years, if not much, much longer).