Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 112000 times)

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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #425 on: June 24, 2022, 01:05:45 pm »
This joke works probably in German only.

"Kannst du mir erklären, was ein Newtonmeter ist?"

"Ja, ein Moment."

"Ok, ich warte."


Translation via DeepL:

"Can you explain to me what a newton metre is?"

"Yes, a moment."

"Ok, I'm waiting."
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #426 on: July 01, 2022, 11:52:10 am »
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline Infraviolet

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #427 on: July 01, 2022, 11:20:21 pm »
You're ok, the joke works fine in english.

The other one is:
Every couple has their moment, all they need's a little torque
 
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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #428 on: July 03, 2022, 07:00:26 pm »
The Fibonacci convention is supposed to be pretty special this year.

They say it's going to be as big as the last two put together.
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Online tom66

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #429 on: July 05, 2022, 10:22:40 pm »
In the Soviet Union it wasn't uncommon to have long wait times for luxury items, like cars.

A man walks into the nearest car dealership and places his order for a brand-new Lada.  The salesman reminds him, "Sir, that model has a five-year build time.  Are you okay to wait?" 

The man says, "sure - but would it be the morning or the afternoon?"

"Why do you care?  It's five years away!"

"You see, the television repairman is visiting in the morning, so I was hoping it'd be in the afternoon..."

(Not quite an engineering joke, but I was reminded given the current chipageddon nonsense...)
 
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Offline M.Zohaib Usman

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #430 on: July 07, 2022, 08:49:21 pm »
No personal attacks please
Student Electronics Engineer. Working on Several different projects ATM. Hit me up if interested
 

Offline Canis Dirus Leidy

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #431 on: July 25, 2022, 08:53:55 am »
A cartoon from 1984:

"There is no real intellectual work here, so we have gone wild". (The inscription on the door plate: "Research Institute of This and That")
 
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Offline free_electron

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #432 on: July 25, 2022, 08:16:13 pm »
early days of cell phones.
Larry Ellison ,Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are in a meeting.
-Ring-Ring-.
Ellison say : excuse me , i have a call and starts talking to his watch while the other two sit silently. When done, Ellison says : that's the latest from ou hardware team : a cellphone in a watch.
The meeting goes on. -Ring- . Gates excuses himself taps his ear and starts talking. Afterwards he explains microsoft has been working on an earpiece cellphone receiver with the transmitter built in to the filling of a tooth.
Back too the meeting.
Jobs blows a fart. The others look startled. Job says , excuse me gentlemen, i have an incoming fax....
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Any comments, or points of view expressed, are my own and not endorsed , induced or compensated by my employer(s).
 
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Offline free_electron

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #433 on: July 25, 2022, 08:18:06 pm »
working in a waferfab you deal with lots of chemicals. silicontetrachloride , isopropanol....
The new operators were easily fooled. You'd send them to the warehouse for a bottle of elektaminol.
Flemish translation : he licks my ass ...

That, or a pair of scissors to cut the wafers , or a tank of vacuum ..
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Any comments, or points of view expressed, are my own and not endorsed , induced or compensated by my employer(s).
 
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Offline hugjior

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #434 on: July 25, 2022, 08:23:15 pm »
soon it will be exactly the same thing in actual russian federation  :-DD
 
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Online Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #435 on: July 26, 2022, 08:58:20 am »
soon it will be exactly the same thing in actual russian federation  :-DD
and in the failed american empire too :-DD

When you live in a glass house, it is better not to throw rocks around.  I have opinions on politics, and I don't like people, but I do not have any ill will whatsoever to any group of humans just because their political or religious system is untenable in the long term.  For the most part, I hope they find a more reasonable way forwards on their own, and reserve the harshest criticism for my own political system that I happen to be a part of.
 
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Offline temperance

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #436 on: July 26, 2022, 10:08:21 am »
early days of cell phones.
Larry Ellison ,Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are in a meeting.
-Ring-Ring-.
Ellison say : excuse me , i have a call and starts talking to his watch while the other two sit silently. When done, Ellison says : that's the latest from ou hardware team : a cellphone in a watch.
The meeting goes on. -Ring- . Gates excuses himself taps his ear and starts talking. Afterwards he explains microsoft has been working on an earpiece cellphone receiver with the transmitter built in to the filling of a tooth.
Back too the meeting.
Jobs blows a fart. The others look startled. Job says , excuse me gentlemen, i have an incoming fax....

We al ready had 3D printers in that time.
 

Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #437 on: July 26, 2022, 10:41:30 am »
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity.

So I decided to return it.

He gave me another one, free of charge.
iratus parum formica
 
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Offline Infraviolet

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #438 on: July 29, 2022, 11:39:06 pm »
Well, that must have brought you down to earth, Ed.
 
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Online pcprogrammer

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #439 on: July 30, 2022, 11:30:29 am »
A new way of charging your mobile phone. A highly efficient micro turbine driven generator ducted to your asshole, all nicely concealed in your pants. A good fart and whop 10% extra charge on your phone.

Now you are sitting in a restaurant and "beep, beep, beep" damn my phone needs recharging. Waiter, oh waiter, would you bring me a large serving of beans please.

Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #440 on: July 30, 2022, 01:02:15 pm »
Q: If your Tesla is stolen, is it now called an Edison?

 >:D
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline madires

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #441 on: July 30, 2022, 02:00:02 pm »
BTW, those Tesla cars have DC motors. ;D
 
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Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #442 on: July 30, 2022, 09:07:41 pm »
BTW, those Tesla cars have DC motors. ;D

And not a single bulb is Edison Screw. (I'll bet)
iratus parum formica
 

Online TimFox

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #443 on: July 30, 2022, 09:14:55 pm »
BTW, those Tesla cars have DC motors. ;D

According to Motortrend magazine, "Tesla, for example, uses alternating current (AC) induction motors in the Model S but uses permanent-magnet direct current (DC) motors in its Model 3."
https://www.motortrend.com/news/electric-cars-explained-gearheads/
 

Offline Wallace Gasiewicz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #444 on: July 30, 2022, 09:52:57 pm »
working in a waferfab you deal with lots of chemicals. silicontetrachloride , isopropanol....
The new operators were easily fooled. You'd send them to the warehouse for a bottle of elektaminol.
Flemish translation : he licks my ass ...

That, or a pair of scissors to cut the wafers , or a tank of vacuum ..

Medical equivalent:

When I was working as an orderly in a hospital as a teenager a common joke was to send the new guy or gal down to Central Supply for
A Fallopian Tube
 
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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #445 on: August 12, 2022, 05:41:51 pm »
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #446 on: August 15, 2022, 07:21:18 am »
Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

A: Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 
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Offline daqq

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #447 on: August 15, 2022, 10:24:52 am »
The Small Frog Collider failed to provide any new insight into frog biology. Need to go to higher energies.
Believe it or not, pointy haired people do exist!
+++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
 
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Offline JohanH

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #448 on: August 15, 2022, 11:21:17 am »
working in a waferfab you deal with lots of chemicals. silicontetrachloride , isopropanol....
The new operators were easily fooled. You'd send them to the warehouse for a bottle of elektaminol.
Flemish translation : he licks my ass ...

That, or a pair of scissors to cut the wafers , or a tank of vacuum ..

If we are into other languages... New students at Swedish speaking vocational schools were occasionally fooled to fetch the "ögonmått" (literally "eye ruler") to the machine shop, like it would have been some kind of real ruler or measurement tool. In reality the word means to estimate a distance using eyesight only. Not anything funny about it, other than if they went with it. There were other imaginary devices and tools that I can't recall now...
 

Online Nominal Animal

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #449 on: August 15, 2022, 11:35:23 am »
(I heard the original in Finnish, so this might not translate too well, what with rhythm being key in humor and all.  Sorry about that.)

An ob/gyn doctor grew weary of his profession, and decided to switch to something much simpler: car mechanics.

He went to a vocational school to get certified.  There was a test, where he had to take apart and rebuild an engine, while being observed and evaluated.
The evaluator said that while it was not the fastest nor the most impressive engine rebuild he'd ever seen, it was certainly the first time he had ever seen or heard it done without opening the bonnet at all, all through the exhaust pipe.
 
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