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| How to deal with manipulative coworker |
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| tszaboo:
--- Quote from: Fraser on September 08, 2022, 01:00:19 pm ---This article may be worth a read as you may recognise the detailed behaviour in your colleague…….. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/sociopath Fraser --- End quote --- I read quite a lot about the dark triad, after encountering a narcissist at work. That was equally destructive, and people either left or they refused to work with him. Also had colleague with Bipolar (told me). Honestly, I find it important to be prepared to people with mental illnesses, they can wreak havoc in your life. On the other hand, I don't consider myself qualified to diagnose people with the DSM5. I don't think that my brand new boss qualifies as one TBH. Probably just super competitive. I was checking his Linkedin though, doesn't seem to stay at the same company for two years, usually less than 1, might be a red flag. |
| HuronKing:
--- Quote from: tszaboo on September 08, 2022, 09:13:14 am ---On the other hand, there is no replacement for me at the company, and it would cost them seriously a lot of opportunity cost to let me go. That's probably the only reason I'm still there. And maybe because they know I could sue them for wrongful termination, due to the whistle blowing. --- End quote --- This sounds like their problem - not yours. I personally wouldn't bank anything on a whistle blowing allegation. Your mental health is crucial as well as working in an environment where you can trust and are trusted by your colleagues. I worked at an engineering firm for 3 months and ran away when they threatened early termination during my probation period because I suggested actually reporting to the president all these problems everyone around me was constantly bitching about never getting fixed... but not ever reporting it to the president. I then went back to my old job at my old company for the same salary (lower than what I got at the new firm) but within a few weeks I was promoted and got a industry rate compensation adjustment... in fact all the things I had asked for to stay. And things are now really great here again. I found out a year later that nearly all the managers at the company had been fired or quit, most of the engineering staff too, and my position which was newly created would've been prematurely terminated before the end of the probation period to be subsumed into another department. I didn't dodge a bullet - I dodged a howitzer shell... The lesson I learned is never be afraid to quit when your gut is telling you to do that. This is a new age of corporate satisfaction and these old toxic ways of doing business just won't cut it anymore. Power to the workers! ;) |
| tggzzz:
--- Quote from: HuronKing on September 08, 2022, 01:59:37 pm ---... I then went back to my old job at my old company for the same salary (lower than what I got at the new firm) but within a few weeks I was promoted and got a industry rate compensation adjustment... in fact all the things I had asked for to stay. And things are now really great here again. ... --- End quote --- That's unusual. "Going back" is usually a mistake. because all that happens is everybody remembers why you left. |
| capt bullshot:
--- Quote from: HighVoltage on September 08, 2022, 09:28:33 am ---I think the only way for you to get ahead is to let it go and find a new place where your skills are appreciated. Every serious company in Europe is looking for skillful people right now, on all levels. It should be easy for you to find a new job. --- End quote --- Beware, most job ads lie about the real requirements. I left my former job, motivated by the chance to leave the "bore-out" situation I was caught in. New job was advertised with required skills that I could easily provide, a good match to my experience, and some interesting new projects involving (for them) new technology. Job interview was promising for both sides. In reality you're expected to have perfect skills to operate SAP and other "enterprise tools" (which I don't have at all, and no one tells you more than maybe twice how to do that - then they'll get annoyed, no training for the essential stuff at all, but a lot of "shiny" onboarding, mandatory trainings that totally miss your point, ...). I ran into a situation that ended up with some person slamming on me during a regular meeting - because no one could be bothered to tell me how to do certain things the right way before I did this particular mistake. This event threatened my job there, took me a lot of effort and pain to manoeuvre out again. While I'm there, quite a few people left that company. In my department, one can feel discontentedness all over the place, IMO caused by management decisions. Your situation looks even worse, so IMO it would be the best choice to leave. But don't expect too much from your next job. The corporate world has turned into a bureaucratic shit show. |
| HuronKing:
--- Quote from: tggzzz on September 08, 2022, 03:22:39 pm --- --- Quote from: HuronKing on September 08, 2022, 01:59:37 pm ---... I then went back to my old job at my old company for the same salary (lower than what I got at the new firm) but within a few weeks I was promoted and got a industry rate compensation adjustment... in fact all the things I had asked for to stay. And things are now really great here again. ... --- End quote --- That's unusual. "Going back" is usually a mistake. because all that happens is everybody remembers why you left. --- End quote --- I left because I was furloughed with no known return-to-work date because of the pandemic. I tried to negotiate for promises for the future to stay on-staff and wait out the pandemic but the difference in compensation between my old job and the new (toxic I was to discover) job was too great to pass up. I honestly loved my old job and I'm glad to be back doing it at a higher title and with more responsibility. I didn't want to leave and none of the people I worked for wanted me to leave either. So yes, my story is unusual. But, coming back to my personal life lesson, I had to follow my gut to leave my old job (I was concerned about falling behind in my career development the longer I was on furlough and the fact my compensation was not commensurate to industry rates) and I also followed my gut to quit the toxic job and go back to my old job. It worked out for me because corporate HR everywhere has structured itself to punish company loyalty and incentivize jumping ships - even if you like where you work. Even my coworkers told me throughout my mentorship period that the way to get ahead at my job was to work for a few years, leave and come back. But, I never wanted to do that because I never knew when the 'right time' would be to do what I felt was a very cynical mercenary maneuver. Life circumstances kinda compelled it to happen this particular way and for me it worked out. I say we evolved survival instincts and bullshit detectors for a reason - to sense danger and toxicity and to flee to more fertile plains. You might even return to the original plains when the toxic period is over. :) |
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