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How to deal with manipulative coworker

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nctnico:

--- Quote from: HuronKing on September 08, 2022, 01:59:37 pm ---
--- Quote from: tszaboo on September 08, 2022, 09:13:14 am ---On the other hand, there is no replacement for me at the company, and it would cost them seriously a lot of opportunity cost to let me go. That's probably the only reason I'm still there. And maybe because they know I could sue them for wrongful termination, due to the whistle blowing.

--- End quote ---

This sounds like their problem - not yours.

The lesson I learned is never be afraid to quit when your gut is telling you to do that. This is a new age of corporate satisfaction and these old toxic ways of doing business just won't cut it anymore. Power to the workers!  ;)

--- End quote ---
I agree.  @tszaboo: Hand in your resignation letter tomorrow stating that you don't want to work with or for someone who is making you look bad. Hence you'll be leaving. See how that plays out.

Personally I would not even bother staying at such a company. Too much hassle with office politics and by what you write it looks like there will be no end to it anyway

fourfathom:
Quit nicely, but quit.  Give reasonable notice if you like, but putting you on probation cancels any obligation you feel to the company.  In the USA most companies will not give a negative reference (due to legal risk), but may implicitly damn you with faint praise.  You can't do much about that, except be honest and try not to emphasize all the psychological pathology -- doing so makes you look like it was actually your fault.  Demonstrate a positive attitude.  Even if you've specialized, that is built on a broad foundation and you can use this to demonstrate skill, smarts, and attitude.

And be honest with yourself.  Are you 100% sure you didn't contribute to this problem?  I will assume you didn't, but if there's room for improvement then do work on it.  None of us like to feel less than perfect, but we are all human.

tszaboo:

--- Quote from: fourfathom on September 08, 2022, 05:00:15 pm ---And be honest with yourself.  Are you 100% sure you didn't contribute to this problem?  I will assume you didn't, but if there's room for improvement then do work on it.  None of us like to feel less than perfect, but we are all human.

--- End quote ---
I have a somewhat assertive personality, who also doesn't shy away from confrontation. I'm also not a people pleaser, but "get the job done" guy. Which of course you can spin around, and say that it's impossible to have teamwork with me, and I'm intimidating people to do what I want. So 100% sure? No, probably on some level some people dislike me because of this. It's also not the Dutch way.

--- Quote from: nctnico on September 08, 2022, 04:44:07 pm ---I agree.  @tszaboo: Hand in your resignation letter tomorrow stating that you don't want to work with or for someone who is making you look bad. Hence you'll be leaving. See how that plays out.

Personally I would not even bother staying at such a company. Too much hassle with office politics and by what you write it looks like there will be no end to it anyway


--- End quote ---
I don't want to do that without plan B. I don't think that would achieve anything, because I saw that it didn't in the past. We don't have a dedicated HR person who would be able to do anything about this as well.

HuronKing:
My great-grandfather used to say:
"It's easier to find a job when you have a job."

Find that other job first but find it now.  :)

james_s:
Gaslighting and manipulation are some of the classic symptoms of a personality disorder such as NPD. These people never change, although sooner or later others usually start to notice their behavioral patterns. Document everything, keep notes and screenshots of any chat or email messages, bring up the issue with your manager and generally try to avoid interacting with the person as much as possible. If it gets bad enough it may be easiest to just find another job.

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