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How to deal with manipulative coworker

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pcprogrammer:

--- Quote from: tszaboo on September 08, 2022, 05:59:51 pm ---It's also not the Dutch way.

--- End quote ---

What is the Dutch way? I guess the guy who is stabbing you in the back is Dutch. Is that the Dutch way? Don't forget there are assholes in every culture.

Best to be true to your self. Open up the job pages and see if there is some other job for you, even if that means a bit more travel back and forth. Your health will benefit from it, and your next job does not have to be the perfect and forever one. See it as a stepping stone to get away from the toxic environment you seem to be in now.

nctnico:

--- Quote from: tszaboo on September 08, 2022, 05:59:51 pm ---
--- Quote from: nctnico on September 08, 2022, 04:44:07 pm ---I agree.  @tszaboo: Hand in your resignation letter tomorrow stating that you don't want to work with or for someone who is making you look bad. Hence you'll be leaving. See how that plays out.

Personally I would not even bother staying at such a company. Too much hassle with office politics and by what you write it looks like there will be no end to it anyway


--- End quote ---
I don't want to do that without plan B. I don't think that would achieve anything, because I saw that it didn't in the past. We don't have a dedicated HR person who would be able to do anything about this as well.

--- End quote ---
Plan B is to get another job and I agree with what HuronKing wrote.

Another option is to become self employed. That way you never really have to deal with what other people think & do. This works very well for me; I can become as much part of the team as I like and skip all the office politics. All of the 'good', none of the 'bad'.

snarkysparky:
I keep enough money saved.  The very fcking instant I am told that i am on "notice"  I will provide them with a "notice"  and they can watch my backside exit.

Its the only way to keep your mental health.  I never get too attached to a job.  It's just not good for you.   

I occasionally let em know that i can go.   I actually told my boss the other day to "get the f off me"  as he was looking over my shoulders while I was moving files on a computer and micro managing.

Of course I won't get promoted.  But that is another route to misery,  so I am OK with that.

pcprogrammer:

--- Quote from: nctnico on September 08, 2022, 06:59:25 pm ---Another option is to become self employed. That way you never really have to deal with what other people think & do. This works very well for me; I can become as much part of the team as I like and skip all the office politics. All of the 'good', none of the 'bad'.

--- End quote ---

Sure being self employed could solve some problems, but it ain't always easy. It depends very much on contacts you have and there is also a matter of responsibility and liability to consider. Then there is also the administrative side of things, that take up time. Don't think it is a 9 to 5 job, being self employed.

I was lucky that basically all the time work fell into my lap, and I never had to go out and look for it. It worked out well for me, and being wise with money plus not having kids allowed me to be where I am today. Have I had kids it would have been a different story, because it takes a lot of money to raise them.

So it depends very much on what your situation is, if you can take the gamble on starting your own business.

nctnico:

--- Quote from: pcprogrammer on September 08, 2022, 07:09:08 pm ---
--- Quote from: nctnico on September 08, 2022, 06:59:25 pm ---Another option is to become self employed. That way you never really have to deal with what other people think & do. This works very well for me; I can become as much part of the team as I like and skip all the office politics. All of the 'good', none of the 'bad'.

--- End quote ---

Sure being self employed could solve some problems, but it ain't always easy. It depends very much on contacts you have and there is also a matter of responsibility and liability to consider. Then there is also the administrative side of things, that take up time. Don't think it is a 9 to 5 job, being self employed.

--- End quote ---
Administrative work is minimal. And work hours are flexible indeed but I see that as a positive thing.


--- Quote ---I was lucky that basically all the time work fell into my lap, and I never had to go out and look for it. It worked out well for me, and being wise with money plus not having kids allowed me to be where I am today. Have I had kids it would have been a different story, because it takes a lot of money to raise them.

--- End quote ---
If you have kids, you just factor that in into the amount of money you need to make. Sometimes I need to go on a hunt for work but even for someone like me that is very doable. There is always a new project around the corner somewhere.

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