General > General Technical Chat
How to deal with manipulative coworker
pcprogrammer:
--- Quote from: dunkemhigh on September 09, 2022, 03:41:29 pm ---
--- Quote ---Furthermore if your work is hardware related it involves investments like buying your own test equipment to setup your own lab.
--- End quote ---
Isn't that a benefit?
--- End quote ---
Definitely, with as an added bonus no VAT and a deduction on your tax bill due to write off over three years. A lot of what I bought in the time I was self employed has benefited from these perks. As long as I could make a reasonable argument it was needed for the business. Little did they know that an expensive oscilloscope was not needed for doing PC related software development :-DD
freda:
TIP:Never conclude a meeting without followup notes:
Note, many meetings are not formal with minutes, or a manager attending.
If your responsible about some point of work, its hard to not
show passion about it, the gaslighter will use that against you.
Though humbly you might have something wrong too.
After the meeting always write the set of points raised in the meeting,
and conclusions and alternative points, and or reasons for/against.
Apart from your OWN points, do NOT name whoever other points are
apportioned from. (whoever is reading will know what points they own)
stay factual.
Email the notes to all attendees, and the department manager.
If you did make some mistake, whoever pointed it out is forced to
reply to you in writing. So deal with it congenially, this is team work.
The thing about gaslighters, is that they are just about never as good
technically as you, or other colleagues. But they will out talk you,
and beat you on the podium, and strangely even colleagues who are non-committal
about some point will weirdly be against you too, yes they are being manipulated
without even knowing it. I mean f#%#$@ they can be really good at it,
you will be bamboozled as to how that can be....It amazing how we humans
can be misdirected in remembering something differently to how it actually
happened.....some people are good at using that.
anyway, if you follow the procedure above you will very quickly find
out if is worth standing your ground/job or start looking for another
job pronto.
A genuine gaslighter will also feel cornered and you will be enemy #1.
Purely verbal meetings are a waste of time, but surprisingly are easily sucked
into to. So you need some self discipline to document them.
tszaboo:
I've just received the official complaint letter. I'm going to ask formally for third part mediation. That's gotta be annoying enough for them, plus I wonder what sort of mediator wouldn't agree with me at least partially. Plus probably the proposed resolution would be apologizing, that I'm quite willing to do anyway.
I mean it's just a workplace conflict between employees.
And showing that I'm willing to cooperate would absolutely defuse their attempts of threatening my job.
PlainName:
--- Quote ---And showing that I'm willing to cooperate
--- End quote ---
Might not the request for an external mediator be seen as not cooperating? It's kind of saying you want to argue your case, and the only reason to do that is if you disagree with them. I think from their PoV, cooperating would be doffing your cap and agreeing with whatever the letter says, offering your apologies and saying you won't do it again.
--- Quote ---I mean it's just a workplace conflict between employees
--- End quote ---
That's what it should be, but it seems to have turned into much more than that. I wouldn't use 'just' when it's potentially losing one's livelihood.
rstofer:
Your resignation letter should read like the following with no additions:
--- Quote ---Please accept my resignation effective <insert date here>
--- End quote ---
Sign and date but do NOT offer up reasons or excuses. If possible, decline any meetings with Employee Relations other than those required to transfer any retirement amounts. Sign acknowledgements of NDAs still in effect, don't agree to Non-Competes (they're not allowed in California, I don't know about elsewhere)
https://oag.ca.gov/news/press-releases/attorney-general-bonta-reminds-employers-and-workers-noncompete-agreements-are
During the exit interview, if pressed, you are pursuing other opportunities. Do NOT mention any internal struggles, they can find those for themselves.
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