I should probably post I am in the process of return the board and plan to use an nForce 590 SLI solution now, as I already have the board, CPU, and RAM.
From what I can see, I've tried everything reasonable. The CPU should be compatible (although it reported it as an FX-57, which it most certainly is not, but it could just have been on THAT version of the BIOS)
I have run it barebones, I have reflashed the BIOS, I have followed the guidelines for RAM to the T (this isn't my first computer anyways), and the board does POST. It boots into DOS, and does all of that. My issue is that I wasn't able to get it to boot into the BIOS setup menu to change any options, nor boot from any non floppy-based media.
I'm taking a break from building these machines after this, as I am honestly getting annoyed with all this DOA bullshatner. Gonna go play around with 68k based machines like the Macintosh, Amiga, or ST machines now. I have a pretty good run of machines from a 486 to now this Athlon 64 machine.
Thanks for all the suggestions, I don't think there was anything within reason I could have done. The board's unusable as I have it and no amount of basic stuff seems to fix it.