Most Bizarre job contract clauses I have ever seen

[Icarus]

I've recently came across a company and they offered me a job.
Let me share with you some of their insane conditions.

"If you talk badly  or swear to your employer, employers relatives or loved ones, you'll be fired with no compensation"
"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."
"If one of your project cause to lose companies money, you'll compensate that loss"

[Mr. Coffee]

I'd write a counter contract:
1. The company is not allowed for me to feel like I have to go to the bathroom during working hours. If I feel like I have to go to the bathroom, it is the companies fault, and I, the employee, will be compensated.

Any profit I make the company on any of my projects is mine. If anything I do wrong costs me money, then anything I do right makes me money as if it were my own business.

What is this, a 19th century sweat shop?

[dexters_lab]

I've recently came across a company and they offered me a job.
Let me share with you some of their insane conditions.

"If you talk badly  or swear to your employer, employers relatives or loved ones, you'll be fired with no compensation"
"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."
"If one of your project cause to lose companies money, you'll compensate that loss"

what country are you in icarus?

contracts can say many things, not all of which can be legally enforced!

[8086]

I think it would be a very great service if you disclose the company in question so we can all avoid it. 

[hans]

These sound more like conditions for primary school.

Agreed with Dexter. Some companies demand some crazy things, also in like service contracts with normal consumers, where the law describes something else and therefore the contract/statement is not pleadable.

[c4757p]

"If you talk badly  or swear to your employer, employers relatives or loved ones, you'll be fired with no compensation"

Hey, at least they used the word to rather than about - you can call them a bunch of insecure toads, just not to their faces

[amyk]

"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."

unless the "working hours" are very short, I just can't see anyone agreeing with that...

[JefferyB]

"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."

  I'm going to say that this isn't legal, they would have a very hard time enforcing this on anyone, and I'm sure it wouldn't hold up in any court of law. 

[daqq]

... and the company dress code is what? A straightjacket?

[8086]

... and the company dress code is what? A straightjacket?

Sounds like that's what the management wears

[Mr. Coffee]

... and the company dress code is what? A straightjacket?

Sounds like that's what the management wears

+1
Can you say, promoted out of various positions due to incompetence until, eventually, reaching the top management positions?

[leppie]

"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."

Do you mind if if I put my catheter on my desk?

[GreyWoolfe]

... and the company dress code is what? A straightjacket?

Sounds like that's what the management wears

+1
Can you say, promoted out of various positions due to incompetence until, eventually, reaching the top management positions?

Classic example of the peter principle.  Also works well in governmental positions of <insert country of choice here>

"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."

Do you mind if if I put my catheter on my desk?

and can I place it in your coffee cup?

[Excavatoree]

...
Any profit I make the company on any of my projects is mine. If anything I do wrong costs me money, then anything I do right makes me money as if it were my own business.

What is this, a 19th century sweat shop?

I asked my first boss why he paid me so much less than he made from my efforts.  He answered "Because I take the risks.  I'm responsible for anything you screw up.  I  You aren't.  I pay for teh building, and all the expenses, regardless of whether I make any money or not.  If you want all the reward, you can go into business for yourself and assume all the risk."  It was an important lesson for me.

[Icarus]

what country are you in icarus?

contracts can say many things, not all of which can be legally enforced!

I'm in Turkey.
Even though they can't enforce those, still it'll be very frustrating legal process.
I told them that they should remove those clauses and they refused.
Surprisingly they have about 200 employees

[manticore00]

Back in my youth when I was looking for one of my first IT jobs after college I got hired on to a call center to do tech support. On the first day during orientation they went through a laundry list of things that were prohibited and were grounds for termination. The one that stuck out for me was that if you were seen smoking outside, no matter how far from company property,  you could be sacked for it since the owner hated smoking so much. Even though I've never smoked and hate the smell of it and the habit, I quit after that first day because I don't want to work for a company that has a mentality which allows for that sort of thing.

Unfortunately employment law in the US sucks and unless you work for a large company with comprehensive HR rules/guidelines you're pretty much at the mercy of your employer's whims. That said, I wouldn't want to swing the other direction and be like some countries in Europe where it takes an act of God to get someone fired, but there needs to be some happy medium.

[linux-works]

I spent nearly a month trying to negotiate an employment contract (a few yrs ago).  at the time, I was out of work and doing my own consulting company (audio hardware and software).  I had made a lot of progress and gotton a prototype made and was working, and I planned on keeping that side buisiness going even when I would start a fulltime job (probably just doing the audio stuff on weekends).

one company I applied for sent me the employment contract and it stated that anything I did while under their employ belonged to them.  the business of the company was networking (and some java stuff) which had nothing at all to do with my product, yet they still insisted on owning anything I did.  if I sold houses on weekends or fixed computers or stuff like they, it would be a violation of the contract and I'd lose whatever I worked on.

we tried making the contract fulltime (in the US, that means you get benefits like health insurance and vacation/sick time off, paid).  they could not word it in an acceptable way.  we tried making it a contractor form (none of the benes of fulltime work) and still they insisted on that clause.  a month went by and my recruiter spent a lot of time trying to get them to compromise.  in the end, I had to walk away since I did not want to transfer ownership of my own IP to them.

as for the 'not going to the bathroom during work hours', what kind of insanity is that??  even in the lowest of human rights countries, this is unheard of.

maybe you should move.  I could not imagine even being asked to live in that environment!

[johey]

[...] like some countries in Europe where it takes an act of God to get someone fired [...]

Are you sure you have the complete picture of how it really is in those countries? I live in Sweden, and no, it is not as you think. Our laws give the employer plenty of options for getting rid of misplaced employers.

[linux-works]

up until a few weeks ago, I was working at a US company that has offices around the world.  we had a major layoff (1/3 of the staff) and in the US, we were walked out of the office pretty much that very day it happened.  otoh, our finland office had to go thru the 'procedure' to decide on who would get the axe and how it would all work out.  they could not say who would be affected over there, but in the US, we all knew who the layoffs were going to impact.  in the US, we got nearly no severance (even senior managers who were impacted) but overseas, I am quite sure they got VERY nice packages and were treated much better.

BTW, anyone looking for a software/hardware/networking guy in the bay area?  PM me.  I'm available now..

[manticore00]

[...] like some countries in Europe where it takes an act of God to get someone fired [...]

Are you sure you have the complete picture of how it really is in those countries? I live in Sweden, and no, it is not as you think. Our laws give the employer plenty of options for getting rid of misplaced employers.

I was thinking less about Scandinavian countries and more about France, where the labor market restrictions are significantly hurting their economy(I'm still stunned from the article a few weeks ago about union members essentially kidnapping management and forcing them to stay at the factory to negotiate... and that apparently that's not unusual and afterwards rarely results in prosecution ).

I've asked my wife several times if we could learn to speak either Danish, Swedish, Norwegian or Finnish and emigrate but she hates cold weather and keeps vetoing the idea.

[johey]

Haha!  Either the weather is cold, or is the climate for employees.

[Corporate666]

Unfortunately employment law in the US sucks and unless you work for a large company with comprehensive HR rules/guidelines you're pretty much at the mercy of your employer's whims. That said, I wouldn't want to swing the other direction and be like some countries in Europe where it takes an act of God to get someone fired, but there needs to be some happy medium.

Does that happy medium go both ways, where the employee can't just quit and stop showing up to work?  If not, then it's inherently unfair.  There is absolutely zero reason to add additional laws to employers - they already deal with so many that have had a huge detrimental effect on our economy.

[Corporate666]

as for the 'not going to the bathroom during work hours', what kind of insanity is that??  even in the lowest of human rights countries, this is unheard of.

It is actually common in some USA companies.  But as always perspective is in order.

One of the big problems in a manufacturing environment (aka blue collar work) is employees slacking off.  Anytime something is "free", it gets abused.  There are countless stories on other forums I am on regarding employees taking two 30-minute bathroom breaks per day.  That's unfair to the people who don't abuse it.

It's no different than smoking breaks.  Responsible people, if afforded the luxury of smoking breaks, will be reasonable and take them quickly and not let it impact their work.  Others will abuse it and take 10 minutes off every hour and will smoke twice or go with others and stay there until the last one has finished their cig.  And the employer acts to resolve this inherent unfairness.

I've never seen an office environment where bathroom breaks were not allowed during work time, but it's definitely common in blue collar work.  It's not that you are disallowed from going to the bathroom, but rather you are expected to go on break (and if you have to go during work hours - that becomes your break).

[AndyC_772]

one company I applied for sent me the employment contract and it stated that anything I did while under their employ belonged to them.  the business of the company was networking (and some java stuff) which had nothing at all to do with my product, yet they still insisted on owning anything I did.  if I sold houses on weekends or fixed computers or stuff like they, it would be a violation of the contract and I'd lose whatever I worked on.

This isn't uncommon, and I believe the theory behind it is that if you have a great idea while you're sat at your desk working on a company problem, you can't claim you had a flash of inspiration at 3am which you then own and can sell to the highest bidder.

I've found myself on the receiving end of such a clause too, and of course, it's completely unreasonable to try and impose this on someone who works for more than one entity.

I walked away - which, with hindsight, was absolutely the right thing to do.

[free_electron]

"You are not allowed to go bathroom in working hours."

Do you mind if if I put my catheter on my desk?

no, just pee in the potted plant in the boss's office. since that is not officially designated 'bathroom' you are safe.
For number 2 : behind the sofa in his office