Sadly, my mistakes don't end there:
1) Accidentally wired a virtual ground net to system ground (had a lot to do with my inner voice constantly repeating "tip to left, ring to right, sleeve to ground"), and
2) botched the pin mapping of three identical SOT-23 transistors.
All hardware screw ups are corrected now. It's a bit of a disappointment to work on this project alone, without a partner to bounce around ideas and proof-check each others' work. There's another group of 2 that will be presenting their project this coming Thursday. I think everyone is in agreement (myself included) that their combined efforts will justifiably earn them the 1st place prize money this semester...and I'm willing to bet that their project will pop up on hack-a-day sometime shortly thereafter.