I think the limit where we only pay VAT and not duties is 135 euros, which includes shipping.
I have been burned badly by American shops that offered free shipping but which did not list it on the invoice, so I got to pay imaginary shipping costs based on distance to the EU and then distance to my post office (which amounted to almost 200 dollars on 250 dollars of product). So, make sure everything is itemized, even if the shipping is free. If it's less than 135 euros total including shipping if any, then only VAT will be payable (in theory) and they should not charge brokerage or other fees. But, the carriers get their piece if it's not sent EMS (post office). So if you use UPS/FedEX, etc. then get a firm answer on how much the recipient will be charged.
As @alm said, if you can get DDP incoterms that's the best option in general.
But, some Chinese shops have worked out logistics so that the customer pays, the shop/manufacturer ships to their agent inside the EU, and from there it's reshipped as if it originated inside the EU, no taxes, no customs, just shows up like magic. So there are a lot of variables.