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Stuck in a rut for years
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eti:
Hi friends. Baring my soul here:

My passion for electronics started when I was around 5 or 6, when I remember clearly being in a Church activity group, where we made a basic circuit with a 9V battery and a deep cherry red LED; I distinctly remember being entranced by its glow.

Ever since I was a child, even a toddler, I had a burning passion to see how things worked. Aunties would give me broken radios and clocks for Christmas (sometimes just a clock - I was interested but electronics is my thing). All my life people marvelled at how good I was at repairing just about anything, or finding out how it worked. I love this stuff.

When I was 16, in 1991, I would ring around all the local TV & VCR repair shops, asking if they had and broken or unused equipment they were throwing out. I’d have a couple of regular collections from some very nice blokes, and I must’ve made quite the impression on one of them - Phil - as, one day, he said “you’re clearly very passionate about electronics, so how would you feel about a Saturday job?” Well I was absolutely OVER THE MOON! I remember clearly the first repair I was tasked with, back on that first Saturday morning, and that was to take some alcohol and a toothbrush and to clean the tinned fingers of the card edge connector of a plug-in module for a Philips (or could’ve been Pye) TV. I lapped it up!

I worked on Saturday for quite a while - I don’t recall how long. When the boss (Phil) went on holiday, he left me alone in charge of the workshop; now THAT is trusting and shows he had confidence in me! :))  we would go to a couple of ham rallies (I never really took to those - FAR too hardcore nerdy and awkward!!) - later on, he employed me through the local govt youth training scheme (“YTS”) and even later, decided he would pay for my driving lessons (which I had literally NO interest in taking, and the instructor was his best mate, so I suppose he felt obliged to get me to pass… and the instructor was very bossy and impatient [also verified by my sister, who had him, and found him the same] but after 49 lessons… haha yeah I know … I failed my test.) I had, and have literally ZERO interest or need to drive. I remember wanting to be in the workshop fixing equipment, NOT being a delivery driver lugging things around.)

Reasonably enough, shortly afterwards, he very politely and gently let me go. That’s fine because he taught me SO much, and let’s not forget he taught me to drive, despite my not having passed.

I had a couple of similar positions in the next year or so, and then worked on a production line for a very small local manufacturer of 4-20mA DIN rail relays/integrators/isolators etc. we sat all day listing to “BBC RADIO 2” and cracking jokes with the boss as we soldered along. It was fabulous fun, and the savant-esque chap on the bench in front of me, the chief (ONLY!) test and certification engineer, had a laser-focused hobby around CCTV and collecting bakelite phones. At that age, a lot of what he was saying went over my head, but I got the gist of most of it.

I then went to college and took “ City and guilds electronics servicing 224, part 1 year 1”, where I had a wonderful, kind tutor, Wayne. He was so kind and patient, a very gentle fellow, and once brought an old CRT scope over to give me (I’d asked for an old one), despite my having left college quite a few years earlier  (I’d passed with an A++ distinction, AND I’d skyved off, and arrived LATE for the exam!… I’d skyved A LOT, as I felt I was being pressured into going to my course.)

I had a couple of jobs after that, one in a hand dryer control board manufacturing co, which we’d spend lots of messing around because it was  boring overall (and then the bosses nephew swooped in, bossing us all around like children!) and then in the late 90s my Dad’s close friend hired me to sit in a lab all day on my own, soldering and testing humidity probes; I’d have to wrap PTFE tape (humidity transparent) around the sensor housing holes, solder a ceramic humidity sensor onto two metal posts, assemble the thing and put it inside a custom humidity generating jig for burn in and calibration. The boss was, and still is a very lovely chap, and he’s a close friend of Dad’s (he was his churchwarden). A while later, I traveled with him around UK city shopping centres with a couple of colleagues, installing “PFM” footfall measuring systems (he’d invented the system, and it’s now owned, or was, I think, by Ferranti).

After that job, I worked with another family friend who ran an electrical installation company… and all I can say about that is… they were wonderful and kind people (still my Mum is the wife’s best friend) but the job? UGH! first and second fix of lamps and sockets is SO BORING, dusty and, well… I’m grateful it was well paid!

My final “proper job” around 2002/3 was wiring up looms for control systems inside some film developing machine (for Fuji, if memory serves? Not FOR them, but working for a contractor). That was dull and the staff weren’t that friendly …

So anyway, to the point… I’ve got a passion for technology and especially electronics (My first love), but ever since the late 90s, I seem to have wandered off track. I recall (and it sounds weird) never having the confidence to wire up transistors - yes - SPECIFICALLY transistors - partially for some strange fear of messing it up, because I’d always over-thought them, and not really understood how they worked (and all the figures and values USED to put me off - confusing and knocked my confidence) ….  *** does anyone else have a similarly odd-sounding quirk of their engineering learning?! ***


So since I got hold of a PC properly, around 1999, was introduced to the UGH-ternet and its eternal capacity to distract and steal one’s time, bringing one out the other end of 6 hours, having not necessarily achieved very much… well, my passion for electronics, and aimlessly existing and not knowing what to do with said gifts and talents, I’m a bit … hmmm… well, aimless.

 Also, what with the exponential growth of YouTube, repeat with the millions of showoffs and “experts”, a huge portion of whom seem to project an image of “saving the world!!” and what with this modern age of ego and projection of this “I’m doing something game-changing, come subscribe to Patreon and join me on my adventures” kinda, well, BOLLOCKS a lot of the time, one sits and kinda thinks “I don’t know what that is, who needs it, in what scenario or business application would this make money?”

I feel lost and confused tbh. I love electronics, and the passion comes and goes with annual regularity - like clockwork.

Help! Where next? This is a confidence thing.

Thanks for your time.
Halcyon:
I don't have a specific answer, but it might help being around like-minded individuals. Since it's hard to actually get together, this forum is a great place for that (which you've clearly embraced). Another good place in the IRC channel (irc.austnet.org #EEVblog). It tends to be a little quiet in the afternoons (my time) but since you're on the other side of the world, you'll probably see a lot more happening during your hours. It's a melting pot of "interesting" people and just about anything goes.
hans:
I don't have a specific fix for your case. I suppose everyone is trying to reinvent themselves continuously at the risk of chasing their tail. You don't see this from most people, especially YT'ers and whatnot, because they edit videos down to an happy-path engineering mindset with a perfect or entertaining story. This is the big problem with social media, as people who feel they can't live up to this standard of genius-ness are doomed to fail. But I think it's always good to cut through someone else's BS, e.g. get down to earth, but not at the expense of the other party involved.

However, what worked for me is noticing that I can take things far too seriously. Example of that BJT transistor wiring up: I can imagine the anxiety and stress kicking in when you're faced with a 3 pin device and maybe can think "oh there will be still more than "3!" ways to screw this up. Murphy's law will ensure I will do so". Okay, so, then what? We make mistakes each day and let's embrace them. I know it's not easy if you happen to be a perfectionist or have other almost intrusive expectations from yourself, but it can help a lot to lower standards to what you self still enjoy and don't be put off by a mishap.

I've had times where I could really get frustrated on a hobby project not working all day. For a long time I wouldn't poll myself to see if I still enjoyed it. When I started dropping tools on the bench instead of putting them down, perhaps that's a good time to stop :) It's no longer enjoyable. I know that my passion however won't diminish, so after a long break or the next day, week, month, I can continue where I left off. It's part of life that you can't always run like a robot with the same battery charge and mood every day.

This taking things less seriously has an unwanted side effect... I'm a lot more forgetful I think. I used to be very anxious, overthinking and on my guard with just about everything. For 1 it's a great thing as it forces your body and mind in the fight-flight mode which makes it hyperactive and attentive to small nuances. It's great to remember all these.. but it's a dread to pay the very high cost in exhaustion, muscle aches, headaches, etc.

For your case I don't have specific advice on how to fix it. What helped me is to lower expectations and complexity of hobby projects. Sometimes I'm in a mood that I just want to make something *today*. Not some software I write on a screen and can't hold. Nor a PCB I've to draw up and wait 2 weeks to arrive. Instead I fire up Fusion360 and the 3D printer, and can turn around some useful hobby or household basket, bracket or apparatus with an hour of CAD time and a few hours on the 3D printer..
unknownparticle:
Good to read about your life time line, mine had a similar start, messing about with electrics and electronics at a young age, which turned into a sponsored job with Philips that included a college course, which lead to a Uni degree.
Then I completely changed course at about 24 when my Dad started a business and asked me to join him, this was in a completely different industry and totally unrelated to electronics!! 
This turned out to be very interesting and financially rewarding, thanks Dad, miss you.
So my involvement in electronics virtually stopped, although my interest was still there and I still built a few projects and my knowledge came in useful for repairs that came up on family and friends Hi-Fi etc.
Thing is, the state of the art progress passed me by, so I was a stranger to SMD, modern circuit developments like Microprocessors, system on chip, and the ever reducing size of components etc.
Therefore, when my electronics interest woke up with the advent of the internet and ebay, where I discovered I could buy all that high end test gear I could never have dreamt of owning in my day, I was like a kid in a sweet shop!
But I had to educate myself on all the new stuff, which has been a real buzz, although I know I'll never be able to reach the same stage that I would have if I'd remained in the industry.  I find all this SMD stuff and the cheapness of really quite sophisticated devices absolutely addictive.
Nothing has the build quality of instruments built upto the early 80's or so, but then that stuff doesn't have the sophistication and capability of current equipment.  It's just a bit disappointing to look inside a £2000 scope now, compared to a CRO of the 70's, for example.
I don't work in electronics now and never will, so it's difficult for me to give any advice to you. How about repairing and servicing band equipment, like amps etc?  Dead simple stuff and musicians treat their stuff badly but also see it as mystical, generally have no knowledge of how it works,  they think certain valves have a magic sound, and they want it yesterday, so you can charge a good price!  Easy to set up as a one man band too!
Vintage Hi-Fi is becoming a popular area too, but much more difficult to work on and parts can be extremely difficult to find.
Other than that it's industry, which is just a treadmill unless you get very lucky.
Good luck though, I hope you find what you're looking for. :-+
Bud:
Get your arse off the couch and start soldering a simple project. Will be more benefitial to you than watching a thousand youtube videos. Just literally start moving your hands and legs, touch and feel electronic parts and read schematics. Will gradually transition you from imaginary to material world.
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