General > General Technical Chat
The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
eti:
The worst, and yet most common mistake people make is that they marry because they're both "in love". Okay, so you're both "in love" = marriage? I think not. That's as foolish as two people who both like chocolate, opening a chocolate shop, and then going off chocolate BIG time, rapidly, because it's the only thing that's holding the situation together... so what, the chocolate shop should remain open, despite it being conceived of your "love" of chocolate which you've both now lost all interest in?
You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?
Imagine that a marriage is two people, two open links in a chain; so weld the links together (marriage) and add the paint later (love, it grows in its own time)
SilverSolder:
Your decision making processes are somewhat impaired when you are in the infatuation phase of love...
eti:
--- Quote from: SilverSolder on January 30, 2020, 01:52:38 am ---
Your decision making processes are somewhat impaired when you are in the infatuation phase of love...
--- End quote ---
A slight understatement.
eti:
--- Quote from: bd139 on January 25, 2020, 11:18:02 am ---The happiest marriages are the perpetually unemployed hopeless idiots because the interest is in the person. If someone is attracted to you because of security be that wealth, employment or education then if any of those change then consider your worth to the person then. The human condition is extremely variable and people are fickle. Even the luckiest of us can fall a long way. As with all things in life, you don't know who your friends and family are until you need them and then lots of people, even in your immediate family will scurry away. I've seen it happen to lots of people. I've seen it happen to myself.
Also if you're in the UK, don't get married. In fact marriage is one of the most ridiculous traditions in this day and age. It is basically legal servitude now from some middle age ideology.
Going back to dating, be a bastard with a motorbike. It works :-DD
@magic: no we don't; we just need less wankers of both genders.
--- End quote ---
I'm not sure which piece of ridiculously misguided "advice" to ignore first. If you truly believe this, then say "that's just my experience" - painting a picture of life, and then offering "advice" based on your own lens which you've experienced it through, is narcissistic at best, and very harmful to anyone foolish enough (or insecure enough) to heed it.
This is HORRENDOUSLY bad "advice", and ultimately a very immature outlook.
bd139:
I disagree. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. I know multiple people who are dealing with this now. It’s past an anecdote or personal experience. A good friend of mine is going through the “my wife wants a divorce and my friends disappeared because I’ve got myeloma”. Another one is attempting to get custody of his children because his wife ran off with a bastard with a motorbike. The guy hits them. At the same time the world turns and people change and they go their separate ways. That’s life.
My point is that you either have a relationship due to mutual respect or don’t bother. Unfortunately finding the former is unlikely and you won’t know that until some time down the line if that’s what it’s based on.
Thus artificially tying people together legally when actually relationships are transient is quite frankly ridiculous and leads to misery and pain for all involved, especially children.
This isn’t advice it’s an observation. And definitely not immature. You need some more life experience and to look into the legal side of marriage in the UK if you think this isn’t how it is.
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