Author Topic: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020  (Read 21887 times)

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Offline langwadt

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #100 on: January 29, 2020, 08:16:04 pm »
....
Yeah, but they very very easily find out if you dont speak dutch. The "Where are you from" is typically in the first five minutes. Ah, Eastern Europe? Nevermind then.

Learning the local language is a social contact booster. Even if one manages only to engage in clumsy basic conversation, getting around in the community changes.

You sure about this? I don't think so. I know far too many girls that fell in love with strange strangers of different country origin, that could barely say "hello" in our native language.

maybe it is something instinctive, back in the day with small isolated societies getting some fresh and unrelated
genes was a good thing

 

Offline SilverSolder

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #101 on: January 29, 2020, 08:32:14 pm »
I suspect it's different in more homogenous societies. Here we have always had immigrants from all over the world, people are used to being around people who came from other places. I don't think being an immigrant is a significant obstacle to dating in the USA, I mean unless you are an American "Indian" we're all descendants of foreigners here.

Even the native Americans are foreigners (Siberian natives walking over the ice via Alaska)...
 

Offline LaserSteve

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #102 on: January 29, 2020, 09:07:09 pm »
It absolutely blows me away that none of you have yet to mention the problem of what her 32,768 female friends think of "You", even though they have often never met you.
One word from them, no matter how illogical, made up, based on a guess, attempt to manipulate her, jealousy etc. "I don't think he's RIGHT for you Dear!", and your done. But  based on what?

I've gotten so I invite her friends on the second or third event. Usually gives me a view of what I may or may not be dealing with.  Certainly has made me wiser. If you have not figured it out yet, your dating THEM, too.  At least in America.  Best shot at marriage I ever had, well, lets just say her mother picked me for her, after talking to Mom a few times at Church. The old adage, "Look at the Mother, would you date her?", has a great deal of truth to it. Mainly  because they start looking at/learning from  how Mommy deals with men around age six or seven.

Humans are complex, very complex. Nearly impossible to detect  Phenomes,  the smell of testosterone/estrogen  Electromagnetic fields, looks,  what your wearing, dreams of what she could change you into.   As for  Electromagnetic fields  recent studies indicate some women may "light up" in the Terahertz region when they see "That" guy.   

 It's outdated, blatantly biased , but still a good bock I wish I had when I was in high school... But it will possibly  help you if you, too,  have Dilbert's "Knack".

"The Female Brain" by Louanne Brizendine, MD... Read some of the references.  Dr. Brizendine specialized in fixing relationships, and psychology of the human female. The book is brutal, part of it is just her opinions, but it really opened my eyes and helped me.

Don't go see the movie of the same title. Horrible fiction.

I freely admit I'm not wired for dealing with "DRAMA", and that is why I'm still single.

BTW, study of 4000 Israeli women, less then 1% were tied in marriage to  male childhood age  schoolmate,  friends,  or neighbors.  Statistics on the number of women who divorce after child rearing and head toward  a childhood mate for round two, would make your head spin, if anyone ever published them. Weird, Huh!  I think they are wired for serial monogamy, not married for life.

 One think LB, MD stresses, is the replacement male  is always picked out ahead of time in case they loose the mate. So they may "block" you socially just to keep you around as a possibility. Makes sense for continuity in feeding the children, but.... the grass may not be greener in round two.


Steve
« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 09:40:39 pm by LaserSteve »
"When in doubt, check the Byte order of the Communications Protocol, By Hand, On an Oscilloscope"

Quote from a co-inventor of the PLC, whom i had the honor of working with recently.
 

Offline temperance

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #103 on: January 29, 2020, 11:03:25 pm »
"
Quote
"In other words, all other things equal, a man with a master’s degree is about twice as likely to get a match than a man with a bachelor’s degree. Perhaps something to keep in mind, if you are interested in obtaining a graduate degree and are active on Tinder."

Engineering jobs aren't that popular among woman. The response is usually: you work with computers? I hate computers... Boring. Next...

Perhaps a master degree in economy is a better magnet.
 

Offline james_s

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #104 on: January 30, 2020, 01:33:43 am »
Fortunately that is starting to change. The company I work for has more women than anywhere else I've ever worked. They are still the minority, and in the engineering department where I am men outnumber the women by probably 5:1 but that's still quite a change from 20 years ago.

Everyone uses computers of one sort or another now, there is much less stigma to being a nerd. I kind of doubt people who are under about 30 today could even understand how bad it was in the old days, it wasn't until I learned to hide my nerdy interests and develop or fake some interests in more mainstream things like music and sports that girls would give me the time of day.
 

Offline eti

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #105 on: January 30, 2020, 01:43:37 am »
The worst, and yet most common mistake people make is that they marry because they're both "in love". Okay, so you're both "in love" = marriage? I think not. That's as foolish as two people who both like chocolate, opening a chocolate shop, and then going off chocolate BIG time, rapidly, because it's the only thing that's holding the situation together... so what, the chocolate shop should remain open, despite it being conceived of your "love" of chocolate which you've both now lost all interest in?

You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?

Imagine that a marriage is two people, two open links in a chain; so weld the links together (marriage) and add the paint later (love, it grows in its own time)
« Last Edit: January 30, 2020, 01:45:46 am by eti »
 

Offline SilverSolder

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #106 on: January 30, 2020, 01:52:38 am »

Your decision making processes are somewhat impaired when you are in the infatuation phase of love...   
 
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Offline eti

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #107 on: January 30, 2020, 01:56:06 am »

Your decision making processes are somewhat impaired when you are in the infatuation phase of love...

A slight understatement. 
 
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Offline eti

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #108 on: January 30, 2020, 02:31:44 am »
The happiest marriages are the perpetually unemployed hopeless idiots because the interest is in the person. If someone is attracted to you because of security be that wealth, employment or education then if any of those change then consider your worth to the person then. The human condition is extremely variable and people are fickle. Even the luckiest of us can fall a long way.  As with all things in life, you don't know who your friends and family are until you need them and then lots of people, even in your immediate family will scurry away. I've seen it happen to lots of people. I've seen it happen to myself.

Also if you're in the UK, don't get married. In fact marriage is one of the most ridiculous traditions in this day and age. It is basically legal servitude now from some middle age ideology.

Going back to dating, be a bastard with a motorbike. It works  :-DD

@magic: no we don't; we just need less wankers of both genders.

I'm not sure which piece of ridiculously misguided "advice" to ignore first. If you truly believe this, then say "that's just my experience" - painting a picture of life, and then offering "advice" based on your own lens which you've experienced it through, is narcissistic at best, and very harmful to anyone foolish enough (or insecure enough) to heed it.

This is HORRENDOUSLY bad "advice", and ultimately a very immature outlook.
 

Offline bd139

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #109 on: January 30, 2020, 08:16:41 am »
I disagree. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. I know multiple people who are dealing with this now. It’s past an anecdote or personal experience. A good friend of mine is going through the “my wife wants a divorce and my friends disappeared because I’ve got myeloma”. Another one is attempting to get custody of his children because his wife ran off with a bastard with a motorbike. The guy hits them. At the same time the world turns and people change and they go their separate ways. That’s life.

My point is that you either have a relationship due to mutual respect or don’t bother. Unfortunately finding the former is unlikely and you won’t know that until some time down the line if that’s what it’s based on.

Thus artificially tying people together legally when actually relationships are transient is quite frankly ridiculous and leads to misery and pain for all involved, especially children.

This isn’t advice it’s an observation. And definitely not immature. You need some more life experience and to look into the legal side of marriage in the UK if you think this isn’t how it is.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2020, 09:06:24 am by bd139 »
 

Offline VK3DRB

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #110 on: January 30, 2020, 10:47:30 am »
Internet dating can be summed up... "You want fries with that?"
Cheap fast food, bad for your health.
Cheap fast relationships, bad for your wealth.
(Just kidding. I am sure there are some successful marriages spawned from state machines and 3.3V logic - I just have never heard of any.)

On the other hand, a lot of electronics engineers lack the social skills to meet a partner by traditional methods. Most I knew at uni were emotionally retarded compared to those who studied other disciplines, but that was a good thing because they could concentrate of semiconductor physics rather than reproductive physiques. They could spend their student allowance on 2N3055's, 555 timers and 7812's rather than throwing money away on flowers and chocolates. Many didn't find their first girlfriend until well in their thirties or even later.

One electronics engineer I know was 48 years old when he asked me, "How do you get a girlfriend?" I felt a little sorry for him, but his abrupt personality and extreme nerdism did not exactly allure himself to the opposite sex. One mechanical engineer I know was at a party and he met a really nice looking girl who seems quite interest in him as they were chatting. She asked him what he did for a living to which he replied he was a mechanical engineer. To his shock, she immediately turned around a walked away without uttering another word.

So maybe there is a place for Internet hookups, where you can apply a band pass filter to the market. It would be interesting to compare the divorce rate with those who met on some Internet site and married with those who met conventionally and married.

Mind you, one of the reasons I studied electronics engineering was I thought the chicks would easily fall for an electronics engineer. I was somewhat misguided, but admittedly I met my future wife in 2nd year. She even bought me a ETI-650 Stac Timer kit from the famous Ellistronics store for my 21st birthday, which I built and still have today. https://www.scribd.com/document/428529087/ETI-1978-11-November, page 52.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2020, 10:49:14 am by VK3DRB »
 
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Offline SilverSolder

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #111 on: January 30, 2020, 01:33:14 pm »
[...] I thought the chicks would easily fall for an electronics engineer. [...]

The kind you want, do!  :)
 
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Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #112 on: January 30, 2020, 04:56:00 pm »
 :-DD

Weird science.

If what you want doesn't exist...
iratus parum formica
 

Offline james_s

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #113 on: January 30, 2020, 06:12:53 pm »
Internet dating can be summed up... "You want fries with that?"
Cheap fast food, bad for your health.
Cheap fast relationships, bad for your wealth.
(Just kidding. I am sure there are some successful marriages spawned from state machines and 3.3V logic - I just have never heard of any.)

Well, I mentioned already I met my partner of 10 years on an internet dating site, I have several friends who met their wife/husband/long term partner the same way, so now you've heard of some. Internet dating has been mainstream for a decade or more, there is an entire generation of adults now who have never lived in a world without the internet. It's not 2001 anymore, everybody uses the internet now, not just socially awkward dweebs.
 

Offline james_s

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #114 on: January 30, 2020, 06:29:44 pm »
You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?

She and I would both lose our minds if we had to be in each others presence 24 hours a day. I enjoy time spent with my partner but I also cherish time spent alone and the occasional evening hanging out with the guys doing guy stuff like drinking a few beers and wrenching on old cars. I think it's important in any relationship to maintain some personal space and some of one's own identity, separate interests and hobbies are a good thing. Quite a few evenings I'm doing my EE hobby while she's working on her latest quilt. Other nights we'll do something we're both interested in together.
 

Offline SilverSolder

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #115 on: January 30, 2020, 07:59:59 pm »
You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?

She and I would both lose our minds if we had to be in each others presence 24 hours a day. I enjoy time spent with my partner but I also cherish time spent alone and the occasional evening hanging out with the guys doing guy stuff like drinking a few beers and wrenching on old cars. I think it's important in any relationship to maintain some personal space and some of one's own identity, separate interests and hobbies are a good thing. Quite a few evenings I'm doing my EE hobby while she's working on her latest quilt. Other nights we'll do something we're both interested in together.

Might be hard to explain a hobby of looking deep into the eyes of blue eyed blondes?  :)
 

Offline eti

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #116 on: January 30, 2020, 08:37:27 pm »
You need to be able to tolerate someone in your presence, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life; you get married because you have space in your life FOR A WIFE, not because you're obsessed with the romantic fantasy world of permanently being in love. If you don't have room in your mind for an "other" to fit in and share life with you, then what are you thinking?

She and I would both lose our minds if we had to be in each others presence 24 hours a day. I enjoy time spent with my partner but I also cherish time spent alone and the occasional evening hanging out with the guys doing guy stuff like drinking a few beers and wrenching on old cars. I think it's important in any relationship to maintain some personal space and some of one's own identity, separate interests and hobbies are a good thing. Quite a few evenings I'm doing my EE hobby while she's working on her latest quilt. Other nights we'll do something we're both interested in together.

You're absolutely right :) I only meant that one should be able to tolerate the other 24hrs a day, not that it would be a healthy regular pattern; yes, breaks are definitely needed.
 

Offline magic

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #117 on: January 31, 2020, 08:55:31 am »
I suspect it's different in more homogenous societies. Here we have always had immigrants from all over the world, people are used to being around people who came from other places. I don't think being an immigrant is a significant obstacle to dating in the USA, I mean unless you are an American "Indian" we're all descendants of foreigners here.
I don't know, TV told me that plenty of European-Americans consider themselves more "American" than American-Americans these days. Unless by "here" you specifically mean large cities.

Dating in big cities is easy enough, grab your copy of The Game and hit the nearest nightclub :P My point was that such environments are less suitable for long term relationships and family than more established societies. I think the situation is pretty much the same all over the world and all over the world statistics speak for themselves :)
 

Offline SerieZ

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #118 on: January 31, 2020, 10:02:57 am »
...grab your copy of The Game and hit the nearest nightclub :P ...

I read that book over a decade ago and except for the, "be confident in yourself"-stuff, these pick-up types are a bunch of Charlatans of the worst kind IMO  :--
As easy as paint by number.
 

Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #119 on: January 31, 2020, 08:49:00 pm »
iratus parum formica
 
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Offline magic

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #120 on: February 01, 2020, 05:53:00 pm »
I read that book over a decade ago and except for the, "be confident in yourself"-stuff, these pick-up types are a bunch of Charlatans of the worst kind IMO  :--
It's sleazy. But one might naively expect that it shouldn't work in practice too |O
 

Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #121 on: February 02, 2020, 02:01:39 am »
iratus parum formica
 

Offline floobydust

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #122 on: February 03, 2020, 10:14:04 pm »
It looks like people are becoming less social in traditional ways, and meeting on-line is mainstream.
 
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Offline sokoloff

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #123 on: February 03, 2020, 10:44:54 pm »

The typical female experience on Tinder is likely to be something like this:

If that's the case, why wouldn't they aim at the high end of the attractiveness/desirability distribution with their swipe rights? Frankly, it would seem a little odd if they didn't.
 
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Offline SilverSolder

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Re: The art of (internet) dating - year 2020
« Reply #124 on: February 03, 2020, 11:50:30 pm »

It looks like people are becoming less social in traditional ways, and meeting on-line is mainstream.

Wow, that one was an eye opener.
 


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