Author Topic: The EE joke collection  (Read 23076 times)

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Offline st1

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The EE joke collection
« on: May 10, 2011, 08:47:06 pm »
How's about we get a one liner collection for (Electronic / Engineering / Programmer  / Hacker)   ;D
Post your best stuff!

I'll go first.

(For the programmers)

"Why doesn't C++ have garbage collection like Java?"
-Because then there wouldn't be anything left


« Last Edit: May 12, 2011, 12:52:42 pm by st1 »
 

Offline st1

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2011, 09:08:57 pm »
And a counter for the C programmer

"You know, Java is allot like Alzheimer,
It's starts slow and then it takes all your memory!"
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2011, 03:30:34 am »
Saw this on Reddit today.  Made me chuckle.


"I have a band named 1023 mega bytes.   

We haven't had a gig yet."
 

Offline dmlandrum

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2011, 04:17:55 am »
I just finished writing a song about an 18th century shipbuilder. It's called "Smack My Pitch Up."

----

Not too geeky, but I don't write geeky jokes, on the whole.
Darren Landrum
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2011, 01:30:10 pm »
You can't spell GEEK without EE.

An electrical engineer deals with current events.
 

Offline st1

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2011, 04:23:05 pm »
What kind of car dose an electrician drive?
- A Volts-wagon.


OLD ELECTRICIANS never die,
- they just do it until it Hertz.


Why did Mr. Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?
-Because he couldn't resistor!!
 

Offline Neilm

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2011, 06:48:34 pm »
I couldn't believe it when I found a co-worker had not heard the old joke:

What goes "Pieces of seven. Pieces of seven. Pieces of seven".

It is a parity error.


Almost as old as
"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't."

Neil
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. - Albert Einstein
Tesla referral code https://ts.la/neil53539
 

Offline Excavatoree

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2011, 07:25:53 pm »
"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't."

Neil

I know people who still don't get that one, however.
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2011, 08:27:14 pm »
"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't."

Neil

I know people who still don't get that one, however.

For them you use the version: There are 3 types of people in the world.  Those that can count and those that can't.

For those that get it, you upgrade to: There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that confuse it with binary.
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“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Better to be a geek than an idiot.

 

Offline st1

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2011, 10:42:17 am »
I like my women like I like my transistors.
-Turned on?
no.
-Full of silicone ?
no.
doped?
- Steinn Örvar / sacherjj
« Last Edit: May 12, 2011, 03:43:20 pm by st1 »
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The joke collection
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2011, 01:29:56 pm »
I like my women like I like my transistors.
-Full of silicone ?
-no, doped.
- Steinn Örvar

I thought this was heading for turned on.  :)
 

Offline st1

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2011, 03:44:23 pm »
Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2011, 04:05:02 pm »
Still one of my favorites:

One atom says to the other, I think I've lost an electrons.
The other atom says, are you sure.
First atom responds, yes, I'm positive.
 

Offline dmlandrum

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2011, 08:03:22 pm »
Werner Heisenberg was pulled over for speeding by a cop. The cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "no, but I know exactly where I'm at."
Darren Landrum
 

Offline dengorius

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2011, 09:49:22 pm »
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it

:)
 

Offline alvarop

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2011, 10:39:24 pm »
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it

Reminds me of this XKCD comic on good code: http://xkcd.com/844/
 

Offline johnwa

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #16 on: May 13, 2011, 10:09:44 am »
No-one has linked to the sci.electronics.repair joke collection yet: http://www.repairfaq.org/sam/humor.htm. There are some good ones over there! (The rest of the site is pretty good too, if you haven't seen it.)
 

Offline st1

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2011, 10:46:21 am »
The rubber ball

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table
 
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Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2011, 11:45:22 am »
A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."
 

Offline deephaven

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #19 on: May 13, 2011, 12:05:21 pm »
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

 
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Offline st1

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #20 on: May 13, 2011, 01:00:45 pm »
deephaven  ^^ ;D

How was the antennas wedding?
-The ceremony was ok, but the reception was great!
 

Offline sacherjj

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2011, 01:28:28 pm »
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said: "Never."
The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."


A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given $50 to measure the height of a building.
The mathematician buys a ruler and a sextant, and by determining the angle subtended by the building a certain distance away from the base, he establishes the height of the building.
The physicist buys a heavy ball and a stopwatch, climbs to the top of the building and drops the ball. By measuring the time it takes to hit the bottom, he establishes the height of the building.
The engineer puts $40 into his pocket. By slipping the doorman the other ten, he establishes the height of the building.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2011, 01:34:01 pm by sacherjj »
 

Offline NiHaoMike

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #22 on: May 13, 2011, 01:51:18 pm »
"I'm like an IGBT - I don't have a complement nor do I need one." - Brittany Benzaia (she wants to stay single)

"Tiffany Yep makes the net work!"

"I think 10MHz is a relatively high frequency and 10W a relatively low power. Tiffany Yep thinks 10MHz is a rather low frequency and 10W a high power." (power electronics vs. digital communications)

"Allie Moore is so pretty, even the Tek is showing some nice curves!" (And now I wonder what Tiffany Yep looks like on an oscilloscope...)

"You can never be too rich or have too many power supplies."
Cryptocurrency has taught me to love math and at the same time be baffled by it.

Cryptocurrency lesson 0: Altcoins and Bitcoin are not the same thing.
 

Offline DaveW

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #23 on: May 13, 2011, 03:51:43 pm »
For everyone in aerospace...

Quote
When AEROSPACE INC was asked by a customer what the best solution to 2+2 was, they decided to evaluate a wide number of responses and consolidate them into company Best Practice as befits a Centre of Technical Excellence with ISO9000:2000 approval and CMM Level 3.

Aerodynamics said that based on data available from previous projects it was probable that it would lie between 3.4 and 4.5

Airworthiness said that the answer had to be limited to 3 for safety reasons.

Avionics said 3.999999999

Car Administration said it would be a stretched limousine for directors, a large saloon for executives or a Fiat Punto for the rest.

Computer Aided Engineering said it was 3.999999999

Configuration Control said that the answer is 3, but there is a Change Request in the system to correct this to 5.

Contracts said that they would have to get back to us, but they didn't.

Customer Support said that we could have an answer within twenty-four hours, anywhere in the world.

Customer Support (24 hours later) said "We are sorry, all our operators are busy at the moment. You are currently in a call-waiting queue at position *38* and will be attended to as soon as an operator becomes available. Please hold on. We value your custom"
/... ... after which I hung up./

Data Management told us that this information had been sent out three weeks ago.

Design asked, "What would you like it to be?"

Estimating said 2 (based on previous similar tasks), 6.5 (based on parametric data) and 9 (based on a 'bottom-up' estimate), added 10% contingency and invited us to select an answer from this range.

Facilities Management told us that their minimum estimate for any job was £100,000 so the answer would probably be greater than that.

Finance informed us that due to Profit Plan constraints the value could not be higher than 3.8.

Flight Operations muttered something about +Two pairs in loose formation, before wandering off making funny noises and waving their hands in curves through the air.

Flight Test said it would be at least 6, because a sum like this would require a chase aircraft and a tanker.

Goods Receiving said that they were sure that the answer arrived yesterday, could we give them a couple of days to find it?

Integrated Support said 12, since we would require at least two plus a spare.

Interchangeability Specifications said it was 3.995+/- 0.005

The Legal department told us that notwithstanding the aforementioned clauses, and without prejudice to the company's position on this or any other contract, the answer may be released provided that undertakings are guaranteed that the copyright enjoyed by the aforesaid company with regard to the subject of this contract is not breached, and that the answer must not be divulged to any third party whatsoever without the express written permission of the company (hereafter referred to as 'AEROSPACE INC').

Logistics asked whether we had a requisition with a valid order number to allow them to release the answer.

Maintenance didn't understand the question.

The Management Committee advised that the appointment of a Managing Director - Mathematical Problems is expected to be announced within the next few weeks.

Manufacturing asked whether a drawing was available, but said that they would probably have to sub-contract the job anyway due to capacity problems.

Occupational Health said that they didn't know what the answer was, but a couple of aspirins should clear the symptoms and if not we should come back later this week to arrange for a workplace assessment.

Operational Efficiency Improvements told us that they have generated a Project Plan for Mathematical Calculations, which calls up the Procedure for Addition of Whole Numbers and a benchmark on-line Results Reporting framework with full metrication, but there was a problem with Product Manager and they couldn't access the documents.

Ops Planning asked whether the manpower to complete this task was included in the Value Plan database.

Personnel said 2, but they would both have to work 'smarter, not harder'.

Procurement said they didn't have the resources available and why didn't we do it ourselves?

Project Management asked where the precise requirement for this information had originated and how was it to be funded?

Public Relations & Communications told us that AEROSPACE INC has a proven, world-class capability to answer questions such as this, and that the effects on the local community would be uppermost in the company's mind as they considered how best to address this particular issue.

Quality said that they would have to send an Approved Operator and an Inspector on an ISO 9001 compliant course covering basic mathematics for non-academic staff before they could give us an answer.

Sales & Marketing said that an answer could be supplied from the company's existing product range, dependent upon the customer requirement and budget (provided that an export licence could be obtained).

Security asked whether we were cleared to receive the answer.

Software said that it was version 4.01, but this was likely to be upgraded to version 4.02 at an unknown future date, and that beta testing on version 4.05 was already underway.

Spray Shop said that they couldn't answer the question at the moment because they were overloaded with work, but suggested that we come back next week when they would have nothing at all to do.

Stress said 5, allowing for a reserve factor of 25%.

Structures said they couldn't locate the file with that particular calculation at the moment, but a ballpark estimate would be 12, based on an ultimate factor of 1.5 and a safety limit of 2.

Systems Engineering said that they would prepare an estimate for performing the task, but they couldn't allocate any staff to the job until three months after a directive had been issued to them.

Tech Pubs said between A3 and A5, but the production platform for providing the answer would be 12 months late and four times the original cost. And then be obsolete.

Training were sure that the Open Learning Centre had a package to support a Programme of Assisted Self Study to allow us to become competent to answer this question, but if not then a residential course could be provided.

Oh, and by the way, the toilet cleaner said 4 (but he doesn't work for AEROSPACE INC).


 

Offline Ed.Kloonk

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Re: The EE joke collection
« Reply #24 on: May 13, 2011, 09:09:55 pm »
This has been hanging up on the wall for who knows how long..
 


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