Things you hope you don't hear...

[aargee]

So, I do a lot of phone support for field engineers, as somewhat of a grey-beard type (without the facial hair)... the most knee knocking thing you don't want to hear in a critical phase of instruction is..

Field guy: "Uh-oh ... " 
to which the conversation quickly escalates to..
Me: "Uh-oh? .. What the (insert expletive) do you mean "Uh-oh?"

Nothing like that conversation to send your imagination off on a riotous romp.

[tszaboo]

My favorite phone call quote, from a service technician:
"There was a small fire, but it seems to be working now"

[gnif]

I had a computer "Technician" try to tell me that my sound card didn't work because my powered speakers were not impedance matched with the card .

[Brumby]

I had a computer "Technician" try to tell me that my sound card didn't work because my powered speakers were not impedance matched with the card .

Ahhh .... hmmmm ...

Nope - I'm lost for words.

[grumpydoc]

I had a computer "Technician" try to tell me that my sound card didn't work because my powered speakers were not impedance matched with the card .

Ahhh .... hmmmm ...

Nope - I'm lost for words.

A little learning is a dangerous thing ;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring :
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again. [Pope]

Although a little learning combined with over enthusiasm/confidence +/- a seasoning of Dunning-Kruger is the real killer 

[Rerouter]

My favorite is when they straight up ignore the carefully written instructions and then call up in a mood where they refuse to check themself and just say "yep already done that"

Turns out the new model of a vehicle had a similar plug to one of our looms, and he had spent 2 hours cutting our looms plug to hell to make it fit and blow up a $2000 controller, even though the instructions never made mention of it and we sent the kits up labeled and already fitted in the correcg location.

The vehicle dealership then tried to bill us for the smell if burnt electronics that needed to be cleaned from the vehicle.

[george graves]

The worst is....

Question: Ok, well.... Check part A, and then part B. and report back.

Answer: "Yep part A is fine"

WHAT ABOUT PART B!?!?!?  Do we have to do this dance every single time?!?!?

[Halcyon]

I had a computer "Technician" try to tell me that my sound card didn't work because my powered speakers were not impedance matched with the card .

One of the better ones I've heard.

My VDSL2 modem blew up during a storm not long ago (it still powered on and appeared to do everything it should, except get DSL line sync). Confirmed it was the modem with both a Fluke network tester and another crappy VDSL modem I had laying around (except I couldn't use that one because it was hard-coded to another ISP and refused to get a WAN DHCP address).

Anyway, phoned up my service provider who shipped a new modem out. No questions asked. However then she said to me "While you're waiting for your new modem to arrive, lets go through some things so you aren't without internet in the mean time..."

Uhhh... the reason I have no internet is because the modem died. Did it not occur to her that if it was just a software glitch or something else I could fix, that I wouldn't be requiring a new modem!?

She proceeded to try and get me to do factory resets etc... etc... I politely stopped her and explained to her I was a network engineer in my past career and understood IT very well and that everything what she was about to suggest to me (including resetting the software to default config) has already been tried and tested and that it was a hardware issue.

Her reply was "What do you mean software?........ What lights are on at the moment?". I think I even said to her, "You know, software, that's running on the modem?... The configuration you're trying to get me to reset?... The thing where you stick the pen in the hole and such?".

 

Just ship me my damn modem!

[grumpydoc]

Her reply was "What do you mean software?........ What lights are on at the moment?". I think I even said to her, "You know, software, that's running on the modem?... The configuration you're trying to get me to reset?... The thing where you stick the pen in the hole and such?".

 

Just ship me my damn modem!

First line support often have little domain knowledge, their main ability/task is to run down a flow-chart of standard questions & responses.

Thing is - it works for most punters who have even less knowledge about how stuff works.

[tautech]

Her reply was "What do you mean software?........ What lights are on at the moment?". I think I even said to her, "You know, software, that's running on the modem?... The configuration you're trying to get me to reset?... The thing where you stick the pen in the hole and such?".

 

Just ship me my damn modem!

First line support often have little domain knowledge, their main ability/task is to run down a flow-chart of standard questions & responses.

Thing is - it works for most punters who have even less knowledge about how stuff works.

Yep, I get the same standard BS when I call in a ISP network fault. Please reset your modem, use these settings.... 
Yep, done that, please check my file about the ongoing faults I've reported.
Oh yes, you do seem to have some trouble with your connection.

You ain't kidding.

[Halcyon]

Yep, I get the same standard BS when I call in a ISP network fault. Please reset your modem, use these settings.... 

I'm on Australia's wonderful new National Broadband Network. I must have logged maybe 30 faults between August 2016 and now.

I generally only get the response "Wow! You've clearly been through this process before... let me just go ahead and log a fault on the NBN Co. portal for you".

[tautech]

Yep, I get the same standard BS when I call in a ISP network fault. Please reset your modem, use these settings.... 

I'm on Australia's wonderful new National Broadband Network. I must have logged maybe 30 faults between August 2016 and now.

I generally only get the response "Wow! You've clearly been through this process before... let me just go ahead and log a fault on the NBN Co. portal for you".

Lucky you, you've got VDSL, try DSL1. (1.7 Mbps  )

[Halcyon]

Lucky you, you've got VDSL, try DSL1. (1.7 Mbps  )

I'd love 1.7Mbps if it meant that it wouldn't drop out everyday or just simply loose sync for weeks at a time. Until late last week I had no internet for almost 3 weeks. It's not just a once-off cable fault either, it has happened several times before and I've had this service for 8 months. I've often bitched to gnif about it. He lives near me but he is one of the lucky ones!

I hate you gnif (not really) :-)

[EEVblog]

Field guy: "Uh-oh ... " 
to which the conversation quickly escalates to..
Me: "Uh-oh? .. What the (insert expletive) do you mean "Uh-oh?"
Nothing like that conversation to send your imagination off on a riotous romp.

Depends what the guy was doing at the time 

[WattSekunde]

Droptest - Checked 

[Harb]

Field guy: "Uh-oh ... " 
to which the conversation quickly escalates to..
Me: "Uh-oh? .. What the (insert expletive) do you mean "Uh-oh?"
Nothing like that conversation to send your imagination off on a riotous romp.

Depends what the guy was doing at the time 

Man that was lucky........missed the morning tea table by about 3"

[lwatts666]

The (I-NOGO)  Issac Newton Orbital Gravitational Observatory makes its first important discovery. Gravity exists.

[Harb]

Its a bit late to secure it now lol


The causes of the NOAA N-PRIME mishap are summarized below.

Proximate Cause: The NOAA N-PRIME satellite fell because the LMSSC operations team failed to follow procedures to properly configure the TOC, such that the 24 bolts that were needed to secure the TOC adapter plate to the TOC were not installed.

[gnif]

I hate you gnif (not really) :-)

Hahaha, sorry man, I really do feel for you, I have had one outage since I got NBN, it lasted about 20 minutes, and it wasn't NBN, my ISP had a fault with their CG-NAT DHCP provider. Outside of that I have had 100% consistent 10MB/s download rates.

[EEVblog]

Hahaha, sorry man, I really do feel for you, I have had one outage since I got NBN, it lasted about 20 minutes, and it wasn't NBN, my ISP had a fault with their CG-NAT DHCP provider. Outside of that I have had 100% consistent 10MB/s download rates.

My current lab ISP (at $400/month) is trying to scare me out of moving to the new NBN connection, because, you know, the lack of service level agreement boogieman

[SeanB]

How about the one today. "Can you change the ribbon in the laser printer, it is not printing right".

With the satellite, the guy who put the bolts in was off that day, so the others just carried on without his work being done.

[Rbastler]

Her reply was "What do you mean software?........ What lights are on at the moment?". I think I even said to her, "You know, software, that's running on the modem?... The configuration you're trying to get me to reset?... The thing where you stick the pen in the hole and such?".

 

Just ship me my damn modem!

First line support often have little domain knowledge, their main ability/task is to run down a flow-chart of standard questions & responses.

Thing is - it works for most punters who have even less knowledge about how stuff works.

Yep, I get the same standard BS when I call in a ISP network fault. Please reset your modem, use these settings.... 
Yep, done that, please check my file about the ongoing faults I've reported.
Oh yes, you do seem to have some trouble with your connection.

You ain't kidding.

Same here.
When I moved in my new appartment, I had some big issues regarding internet. I have to use UPC, since theyre the only one around. The send me a decent Fritzbox modem+router. I installed everything and it worked. So far so good.
Than the problems began. After a update of the firmware nothing worked. The update was made via the web interface andthe file pulled directly from FitzBox'es website. I called then explaining what I did and what I did to undo that. Nothing worked. I told the person on the phone more than once I did waht they told me but they went through with theyre procedure anyway. In the end I was told that I can't update the firmware of my Fritzbox ?!? I call bullshit on that.
In the end I got myself a conceptronics router+modem, because I didn't wanna deal with those people anymore.
It was also a very bad timing for that fail to happen. I just started university and needed internet acess from home,to sign into lecture, do homework and stuff.

[Red Squirrel]

We had sent a tech to one of our sites as there was a power outage and the batteries were getting low.  For some reason that site did not have a proper plug and a transfer switch.  The tech had called us to tell us that but that he'd check is truck and see what he can do. 

The tech calls in shortly after we notice that the rectifiers are back online and he's like "uhhh so I got it working.  You don't want to know what I did, but it works".   I always found that one amusing.  Never did find out what he did but I am pretty sure it involved jumper cables from his truck and opening up the electrical panel.    The guy was an electrician so I presume it was safe, just not conventional.  Sometimes when you're in the middle of nowhere and have to get something done you use what you have.

[james_s]

While not exactly engineering, my dentist started to drill out a cavity in one of my teeth and said "oh boy". Turned out to not be a huge deal but the decay was significantly worse than he was expecting. My heart certainly jumped when he said that though.

[CJay]

While I was the tech with the uh-oh, I can legitimately roll out the 'I was only following orders' defence.

Called out of hours to a hospital server which was flagging a predictive fail on one disk in the RAID array (I forget the exact disk size, either 36 or 72GB)

It was a HP DL380 G4 which had 3.5" SCSI disks installed and one was indeed flashing amber to indicate predictive failure.

On the phone to the support team I was told they'd down the server for me so I could replace the failed disk (it's not necessary, they're hotswap, it's actually better to hotswap them), I agreed and proceed to boot the thing from a HP utility disk which allows me to check the RAID config, disk serial numbers, model numbers etc. (it wasn't unknown for disk caddies to be re-used by parts brokers and have incorrect markings compared to the actual disk in the caddy)

I found that some genius had configured the disks as a RAID0/JBOD, essentially a bunch of disks with a container spanned across them all to give a disk the size of the sum of parts, in this instance they'd done something I didn't realise was possible and had allocated the first 10GB of all the disks to the JBOD to give a disk size of 40GB for the OS (server 2003 IIRC)

They'd then allocated the rest of the disk space to a RAID5 set to hold the data volume (Might have been SQL Server, possibly Exchange, critical data anyway) so notionally the data volume was fault tolerant but not OS as removal of any one disk from a JBOD will kill it.

So, I explained this to the support team wonk who insisted he knew better than I, after all I was only a lowly out of hours tech (who happened to be HP qualified to work on Superdome, EVA, Alpha etc. etc.) and he was third line who knew all and requested I 'just shut up and replace the disk' or words to that effect, he was however happy for me to hotswap the disk so we booted the machine up, he connected remotely (genius things those ILOs) to 'monitor' my actions.

I protested, he demanded, getting quite stroppy and threatening to escalate it to his management. I suggested he dial their number and put us on a conference call so he did. Once I'd been introduced and explained why I didn't want to do it, his manager also insisted I replace the disk as he trusted his tech.

Obviously I then pulled the disk and watched the machine bluescreen instantly.

After what must have seemed an eternity to the remote parties but a few seconds to me, I asked 'would you like me to fix that for you?" and got a quiet 'yes, please, if you can'.

Turns out every server in the business had been built the same way.