First, i'm going to say thank you for responding.
Second, thank you for a very helpful response!
Third, that chip is WAY over my head

. Even if I could figure out how to use it I'm not sure I could figure our how to solder it!
Interestingly, though... Last night I looked at the decorator switch for an x10 3-way switch and it is ridiculously simple. All the remote switch does is close a circuit between the live and control wire that travels to the secondary switch. So a simple relay or triac could send a brief pulse and the x10 main switch do all of the hard work and toggle. As soon as I get the necessary components I'll give that a try.
Thanks again for the solution,
Jason