The bootstrap diode is integrated into the IC, and i am actually using the kelvin emitters of the IGBTs, but the schematic didn't show them.
I am also sceptical about the bootstrap capacitor being too large, because (i think) that would really only be a concern at power up. After that, all the bootstrap diode has to supply is the charge that was put into the gate of the transistor, so maybe gate charge is abnormally high? I think I will try to patch in an external diode though, as the internal resistance seems quite high at 175 Ohm.
And I think i explained myself poorly: what blows up here is not the IGBTs, but rather the drivers themself, even when there is no load being driven at all (and no power connected to the bridge, only to the driver).