is there a derating curve that is realistic ?
and what is the best arc quencher to do this? I see good ones go for 40$ per pole!
The ampacity is the same for AC or DC when the contacts are closed, so the same derating curve applies. The reason standard relays have much lower DC current (and, usually, voltage) ratings than for AC is entirely due to the nasty habit of DC arcs persisting when AC arcs automatically extinguish at the next zero crossing.
An RC snubber can be placed across the contacts to improve the DC interruption capability of a relay as long as the capacitance is sufficiently high to absorb the energy of the total loop inductance without rising to a voltage that would cause air gap ionization (basically, CV² = LI²) and the resistor is sized to limit the peak current when the contacts next close.
Alternatively, place strong rare earth magnets on either side of the contacts like shown below:
