If the meter starts in IEC62056-21 mode it should be easy to get some communication started. If it starts in full DLMS mode it can be a pain. Probably the IR port starts in IEC62-56-21 mode, but the RS485 starts in full DLMS mode. For that reason, it might be worth trying to communicate through the IR port initially. There are so many variable you need to get right with the full DLMS protocol - bit rate, source address, destination address, whether they express the addresses as 1, 2 or 4 byte values, etc. - before you will get any response from the meter at all. Once you get an HDLC response, you should be able to make a connection, associate with lowest level security, and read some basic information. From there, life might get hard, depending on how they applied the protocol - e.g. whether everything is AES GCM 128 encrypted and authenticated.
The Gurux and OpenMUC software are probably the best available free tools for talking to a meter using DLMS, but they still have plenty of bugs.