I am no expert, but I already spent weeks on this car. I don't believe there is anything wrong with the harness, but of course I could be wrong. What makes me suspicious as to the ECU is the high resistance on all connections and voltages. Without the relay connected, the voltage that (I presume) should be pulled down to the ground sits above 4 volts, with the relay in circuit it is basically at the battery voltage.
Moreover, I connected the ECU on the table to the power supply. It draws about 0.22A (not sure if it is nominal). The voltage at the same pin sits above 4V. I think it is suspicious, Is this normal?
The pin that in the car is at 12V, at the table is down to milivolts, I assume due to lack of ignition signal.