engineering jokes

[coppice]

I've seen that joke phrased with a pilot, bus driver, train driver, and other operators of potentially lethal equipment. Based on the historical sequence of these professions, my guess is train driver was the original.

I bet a lot of jokes have complicated and very long histories, like that. So it makes lots of sense. Even with words, the experts seem to need lots of time, to try and determine when a word was first used, and I don't think they can be really sure, either.
E.g. The term 'Computer bug', as in programming bug. Earlier was actual living 'bugs' between relay contacts, during the second world war. But, apparently the term 'bug' was used a long time before then (at least about 10 years, if not much, much longer).

There are references in literature back to the renaissance, in the works of Shakespeare and others, where a bug is something that ruins or fouls up things. Perhaps it came from things like cookery, since I guess a bug was always the last thing most people wanted to find in their food.

[MK14]

There are references in literature back to the renaissance, in the works of Shakespeare and others, where a bug is something that ruins or fouls up things. Perhaps it came from things like cookery, since I guess a bug was always the last thing most people wanted to find in their food.

That makes sense. I just looked up 'bug' (its origins), and apparently, it was from a Welsh word, BWG (pronounced 'Boog'), which means

evil spirit or hobgoblin

which does sort of sound a bit like a computer programming bug, conceptually speaking.

https://www.sfgate.com/homeandgarden/article/The-creepy-origin-of-the-word-bug-3294164.php

[tom66]

uBeam.

Nikola Motors.

Theranos.

[Neilm]

uBeam.

Nikola Motors.

Theranos.

Is that still referencing the evil sprit or hobgoblin?

[BU508A]

Leiter = conductor / ladder / leader
Halbleiter = semiconductor / half ladder
Schlechter Leiter = poor conductor / bad leader
Leiterplatte = printed circuit board

Leiter has three meanings in German. It means ladder, conductor or leader.
Platte means plate or panel. Platte is also colloquial for bald head.
Leiterplatte consists of two words "Leiter" and "Platte". Leiterplatte means printed circuit board

[CatalinaWOW]

Language is always fun, no matter what the language is.

[BU508A]

Source: xkcd

[MrMobodies]

Here's a simple one with a little riddle:

What is it if you are in Australia and you have no broadband now?

[tautech]

Here's a simple one with a little riddle:

What is it if you are in Australia and you have no broadband now?

2022 ! 

[MrMobodies]

Here's a simple one with a little riddle:

What is it if you are in Australia and you have no broadband now?

Answer: nbn

In reference to these articles:
DailyWail:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10563107/Tasmania-internet-4G-plunged-offline-unknown-incident.html

Major internet, TV and phone service providers in Tasmania are reporting major outages across the entire state due to an 'unknown incident'.
By SAM MCPHEE FOR DAILY MAIL AUSTRALIA
PUBLISHED: 03:21, 1 March 2022 | UPDATED: 04:40, 1 March 2022

TasNetworks, NBN Australia, Telstra, Optus, TPG and Aussie Broadband reported major statewide internet outages were underway since about 1pm on Tuesday.  Consumer action group Digital Tasmania tweeted: 'Around 1pm an outage affected both Telstra fibre cables connecting #Tasmania to mainland Australia resulting in near total loss of all data services in Tas inc Internet providers, other mobile companies and some TV channels.'

Flooding:
https://www.zdnet.com/article/what-is-happening-with-telecommunications-in-flood-hit-regions-of-queensland-and-nsw/

What is happening with telecommunications in flood-hit regions of Queensland and NSW
Written by Chris Duckett, APAC Editor
on March 4, 2022 | Topic: Networking

NBN
On Friday, the company responsible for the National Broadband Network said it has seen the total number of premises offline rise to 74,000 in northern NSW, while southeast Queensland was trending downward with 33,200 services offline. Site inaccessibility and lack of power means those in flood-affected areas are without connectivity even if they are dry.

[Ed.Kloonk]

[samnmax]

(Attachment Link)

I'm sorry, but this is sexist, unfunny and out of place; posting it here does nothing but contribute to women's disdain for engineering. This forum sometimes reeks of machismo.

[Nominal Animal]

(Attachment Link)

[That] is sexist

True, but the stereotype alluded to is funny, because it is so absurd.

Consider the satwcomic.com stereotypes of Nordics (and other countries around the world).  The Finland is funny, because it's so absurd.  See e.g. New Year New Adventure, or Traveling Light the Finnish Way.  There is just enough truth in there to recognize what it is about, but it is taken to an extreme caricature, and therefore funny.

[free_electron]

(Attachment Link)

[That] is sexist

True, but the stereotype alluded to is funny, because it is so absurd.

Consider the satwcomic.com stereotypes of Nordics (and other countries around the world).  The Finland is funny, because it's so absurd.  See e.g. New Year New Adventure, or Traveling Light the Finnish Way.  There is just enough truth in there to recognize what it is about, but it is taken to an extreme caricature, and therefore funny.

Two Finns walk in Helsinki one winter morning. One of them steps on an icy patch , slips and falls. He get sup , dusts himself off and says. "It's slippery here". The other one just stares back but doesn't say anything.
One year later the same two are out in Helsinki again. This time the other one slips and falls. After getting up and dusting the snow off, he says: "You're right. it is slippery here !"

Norway bought a bunch of septic tanks from Finland. They are going to invade Sweden as soon as they figure out how to drive them.

A group of Norwegian solder runs out of ammunition. Their commander tells them : get out of the trench , aim the gun and just go "paw paw". Make the sound with your mouth. They are reluctant but try and it anyway. It works ! the enemy is dropping like flies. This goes on for a while but then they do a hasty retreat. the commander asks "what happened" ? Well one of the enemy guys came walking at us going "Brrrrr tank brrrr brrrr tank "

Use a Kolmivaihevaihtovirtakilowattituntimittari ! but Varoitus ! Hengenvaara ! I still remember the sign on a high voltage tower on pelkosenniementie in kemijarvi. i was riding my bicycle between the lab and the factory back in 1989 and was amused by the very long word to indicate some warning. i have a picture of that sign somewhere.

[Electro Fan]

A somewhat similar (and actual) winter story.  Two engineering students at a large U.S. midwestern university decided to go bar hopping one evening near the start of the fall semester.  One engineer walks, the other takes his bicycle and locks it up outside the first bar.  After a fun night they manage to get home ok.  The next semester as the winter is piling up large snowbanks the two engineers walk past the same bar.  One engineer says to the other "look at that bike almost buried in the snowbank chained to the post.  Who would leave their bike like that in the winter?"  The other engineer says "Bob, that's your bike".

[TimFox]

Growing up in Minnesota, I heard many "Ole and Lena" jokes about the Scandinavian immigrant community.
On business in Norway, I found that these jokes were totally unknown there, so I had an audience.
Later, I met a rather spectacular young blonde at O'Hare, who was traveling from North Dakota to Hawaii to represent her state at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropic" contest (no longer politically correct).
She was very surprised to find out that these jokes were unknown in Norway.
Example:
Ole (the Norwegian) and Bjorn (the Swede) go to the barber, and Bjorn is served first.  The barber asks him if he wants some pomade in his hair, and he replies "No thanks.  My wife says it makes me smell like a French bordello."
When the barber asks Ole the same question, he replies "Sure.  My wife doesn't know what a French bordello smells like."

[Nominal Animal]

In the early nineties, the "sausages" sold from small carts at night in Helsinki were an engineering marvel: drunk people were attracted by their smell, even though it was decidedly horrible to sober people.  The after-taste the next morning was bad enough to get one to hurl.

In a footnote to Soul Music in 1994, Terry Pratchett wrote:

It wasn’t the taste. Plenty of hot dogs taste bad. But Dibbler had now actually managed to produce sausages that didn’t taste of anything. It was weird. No matter how much mustard, ketchup and pickle people put on them, they still didn’t taste of anything. Not even the midnight dogs they sell to drunks in Helsinki can quite manage that.

[free_electron]

In the early nineties, the "sausages" sold from small carts at night in Helsinki were an engineering marvel: drunk people were attracted by their smell, even though it was decidedly horrible to sober people.  The after-taste the next morning was bad enough to get one to hurl.

In a footnote to Soul Music in 1994, Terry Pratchett wrote:

It wasn’t the taste. Plenty of hot dogs taste bad. But Dibbler had now actually managed to produce sausages that didn’t taste of anything. It was weird. No matter how much mustard, ketchup and pickle people put on them, they still didn’t taste of anything. Not even the midnight dogs they sell to drunks in Helsinki can quite manage that.

bahahaaa. CMOT dibbler...

quote from red dwarf:

Cow's milk, ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated.
Lister : What kind of milk are we using now?
Holly : Emergency backup supply. We're on the dog's milk.
Lister : Dog's milk!
Holly : Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.
Lister : Why?
Holly : No bugger'll drink it. Plus of course the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.

[CatalinaWOW]

I withheld this one for a long time, thinking it a little course for a public forum, but it is my favorite engineering joke.

Three gentlemen arrive at the men's room at the same time.  It has only a single urinal and the doctor pushes to the front, does his business and steps to the sink where he washes, rinses, washes and rinses again and then carefully dries his hands.  As he leaves he tells the others proudly "At Med School we learned the value of cleanliness and hygiene". 

The businessmen manages to get to the urinal next and after finishing he washes quickly and uses only a tiny dab of soap and then dries with just a scrap of paper towel.  He announces as he leaves "At business school we learned to be economical and not waste anything".

The engineer finally gets his chance, uses the urinal and rushes out the door muttering "At engineering school we learned not to piss on our hands!"

[MrMobodies]

Here's a simple one:

There was this chicken farmer who made one of his chickens his pets.
One day this chicken so all the others leave in a truck and was going down south.
The chicken said to the farmer but I want to go with my friends.

Farmer says can't do that.

[Ed.Kloonk]

I was standing at the urinal when a engineer came rushing in and pulled up at the urinal beside me. He said "Ahhh. Just made it."

I glanced across and down and said "Wow, can you make me one like that?"

[MrMobodies]

I see, you want him to make you longer willy so you can pee closer to the urinal without making to much of a mess.
I like that one. I find many of them at a distance and prefer to go to toilet for that.

My joke was:
The chickens were going down south to the slaughter house.

You know when your swimming in the ocean at depth and your oxygen mask runs out or something happens and you can go down south very quickly.
I remembered Thunderf00t talking about that in one of his videos about swimming in the ocean with the pressure and what can happen.

[Ed.Kloonk]

I see, you want him to make you longer willy so you can pee closer to the urinal without making to much of a mess.
I like that one. I find many of them at a distance and prefer to go to toilet for that.

I preferred if he would make my one white, tho..


 

[MrMobodies]

Here's another simple one.

What is the cleanest part of a public toilet say in Britain?

[Ed.Kloonk]

OMG. If the answer is something something George Michael, I'm gunna die!