Author Topic: engineering jokes  (Read 16815 times)

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Offline maor

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engineering jokes
« on: September 17, 2012, 07:27:56 pm »
I saw this on facebook today, quite racist but it made me laugh, share your own!

 

Offline krish2487

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2012, 07:46:40 pm »
oh yeah!!!!


Thanks to russell peters and his "balm" tree...

>:-D

youtube for russel peter and clubbing in lebanon...

:-P

not engineeriing related but a laugh nevertheless
If god made us in his image,
and we are this stupid
then....
 

Offline PedroDiogo

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2012, 10:48:58 pm »
 

Offline nitro2k01

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2012, 10:54:25 pm »
I saw this on facebook today, quite racist but it made me laugh, share your own!

I don't get it. Is the joke just "Arabs can't code for shit" or is there more to it?
Whoa! How the hell did Dave know that Bob is my uncle? Amazing!
 

Offline aluck

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2012, 12:09:46 am »
Suppose it has something to do with an Arabic accent. Their's "b" and "p" are kind of close.
 

Offline nitro2k01

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2012, 12:19:24 am »
Suppose it has something to do with an Arabic accent. Their's "b" and "p" are kind of close.
Right. I was thinking maybe the upper case M in Main had something to do with the joke too, but then I realized that it was C# code, not Java.
Whoa! How the hell did Dave know that Bob is my uncle? Amazing!
 

Offline NiHaoMike

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2012, 04:46:30 am »
There was a toothpaste factory that was facing a rather big problem: the machine that put the toothpaste tubes in the boxes would miss every once in a while and cause the factory to ship an empty box. Obviously, that led to a lot of unhappy customers.

In an effort to solve the problem, they found that the only way to prevent the machine from missing would cause an unacceptable slowdown. So, they decided to fix the problem after the fact. Realizing that toothpaste has a significant water content, it would absorb microwaves quite well. So they got a microwave signal generator and a microwave detector along with an optical sensing system and a PLC. The theory was that a filled box would block both the infrared beam and the microwaves, but an empty box would only block the infrared. After some programming work, they got it to tell the difference every time.

Now that they could sense it, they had to do something about it. They thought to use a robot arm to remove the empty box, but then they realized that they already blew much of their $10,000 budget on the sensing equipment and did not have enough left over for a robot arm. They had to settle for a $20 siren that would go off and notify a worker to find and remove the empty box.

A few days after the system was installed, the worker who removed the empty boxes was tired of the siren going off several times every hour so he put a $25 fan next to the conveyor belt just before the detectors, nicely blowing the empty boxes onto the floor...
« Last Edit: September 18, 2012, 04:48:15 am by NiHaoMike »
Cryptocurrency has taught me to love math and at the same time be baffled by it.

Cryptocurrency lesson 0: Altcoins and Bitcoin are not the same thing.
 
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Offline poptones

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2012, 05:08:44 am »
There's a story about Edison interviewing a potential protege. The student told Edison his academic qualifications, his desire to become an engineer, his excellent mathematical aptitude...

So Edison handed him an empty light bulb envelope and asked him to determine the exact internal volume of the glass. The student took the empty bulb off to a corner with a pen and paper, calipers and trig charts and spent hours measuring every curve and trying his best to meet this challenge. After several hours he returned to Edison and proudly presented his results.

"Good" said Edison. "Let's see how you did." At which point he took the envelope to the sink, filled it with water, and emptied it into a measured flask.
 

Offline AlfBaz

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2012, 11:35:51 am »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil
 
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Offline Noize

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2012, 12:18:57 pm »
Four friends go on holiday to South Africa - one English, one American, one French and one Chinese. While out trekking in the countryside they find some gold in the ground. The Frenchman, a geologist, realises that they have stumbled across a rich seam, suitable for a new mine.

The American happens to be a billionaire, so he buys the land with an arrangement that they split the profits four ways - The Englishman is an engineer, so is put in charge of extraction. The Chinese man is involved in import and export so is put in charge of supplies. The Frenchman is a manager, so is put in charge with overseeing the whole operation.

A year later the American returns to see how his investment is going. First he goes to the main office to see how the Frenchman is doing.

"Well," he says, "we're getting some gold out, but there seem to be some problems with the extraction. You'd better go down and see."

So the American walks down to the mine, meets the Englishman emerging from the entrance and asks him how things are going.

"Well" he says, "my boys are fine, but the Chinese guy just isn't pulling his weight. Go down there and you'll see what I mean."

So he walks down into the mine. After a couple of hundred yards it's almost pitch black down there and he can't see or hear anyone. All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"  :D
 

Offline aluck

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2012, 01:46:44 pm »
A few days after the system was installed, the worker who removed the empty boxes was tired of the siren going off several times every hour so he put a $25 fan next to the conveyor belt just before the detectors, nicely blowing the empty boxes onto the floor...
That's The Engineer.
 
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Offline maor

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2012, 04:02:48 pm »
Four friends go on holiday to South Africa - one English, one American, one French and one Chinese. While out trekking in the countryside they find some gold in the ground. The Frenchman, a geologist, realises that they have stumbled across a rich seam, suitable for a new mine.

The American happens to be a billionaire, so he buys the land with an arrangement that they split the profits four ways - The Englishman is an engineer, so is put in charge of extraction. The Chinese man is involved in import and export so is put in charge of supplies. The Frenchman is a manager, so is put in charge with overseeing the whole operation.

A year later the American returns to see how his investment is going. First he goes to the main office to see how the Frenchman is doing.

"Well," he says, "we're getting some gold out, but there seem to be some problems with the extraction. You'd better go down and see."

So the American walks down to the mine, meets the Englishman emerging from the entrance and asks him how things are going.

"Well" he says, "my boys are fine, but the Chinese guy just isn't pulling his weight. Go down there and you'll see what I mean."

So he walks down into the mine. After a couple of hundred yards it's almost pitch black down there and he can't see or hear anyone. All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"  :D
 
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Offline SeanB

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2012, 04:13:01 pm »
I see your problem, you bought French equipment........... All the service tools are "Tool, Special".
 

Offline LaurenceW

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2012, 06:15:38 pm »
What goes "Pieces of Seven"?

A Parroty error, of course.

I'll get my coat
If you don't measure, you don't get.
 
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Offline T4P

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Offline krish2487

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2012, 07:38:25 pm »
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan
said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come
with me."
 Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground." Zail
Singh digs. Reagan says, "More, more, more?"
 Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
 Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
 Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
 Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to
have telephones!"
 Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India. In
India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes
 Reagan to a forest and ask him to dig.
 After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
 Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
 Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
 Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
 GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!"

>:-D

FYI: Gyani Zail singh was one of our earlier president.

If god made us in his image,
and we are this stupid
then....
 
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Online Mechatrommer

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #16 on: December 18, 2012, 04:17:38 pm »
dissapointed with her aging thermos mug, a woman went to shoppingmall, to her surprise she got what she looking for. in a corner there's one sales man. woman: "whats this?" man: "this is novel newtech as-seen-on-tv thermos mug... cold stays cold, hot stays hot!" she buys it and went back home happy thinking she got 2in1 mug, "tomorrow i dont have to wake up early making breakfast", she's thinking. that night she made two cups, one hot coffe and one cold ice lemon tea. the coffe is for tomorrow breakfast (as usual) and the lemon tea is for the afternoon (as usual too). she put both cups in the mug and went to bed.
if something can select, how cant it be intelligent? if something is intelligent, how cant it exist?
 

Offline notsob

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #17 on: December 18, 2012, 09:55:17 pm »
Not so much a joke but a trueism.

'If it's jammed, force it.
 If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway.'

pretty much describes my late father.
 

Offline BU508A

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2018, 10:03:44 am »


 ;D
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”            - Terry Pratchett -
 

Offline GreyWoolfe

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2018, 01:59:09 pm »
That's funny, I don't care who you are.
That which doesn't kill you still requires a co-pay.
 

Offline In Vacuo Veritas

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2018, 02:04:16 pm »
The pay?
 

Offline Avacee

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2018, 03:01:28 pm »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil

Alas, this is a myth / legend / FakeNews / MustBeTrueAsItsOnTheInterWebThingee

This article has some good info on what's used now:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-nasa-spen/
 
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Offline Lord of nothing

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2018, 03:55:42 pm »
My all time favourite quicky has to be the story about how nasa spent tens of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would work in zero gravity for their space program... The Russians, with a tighter budget decided to use a pencil
When your life dont matter a good solution. I gues you never had some Pencil dust in your Eyes, Lung,...?  :clap:
Made in Japan, destroyed in Sulz im Wienerwald.
 

Online bd139

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2018, 05:08:46 pm »
From my crappy jokes collection...



Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Engineer: The glass is too big.



A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip.

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"



A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl. Doctor used to give her a rose daily and engineer used to give the girl an apple. Girl got confused and asked engineer: There is a meaning of giving rose in Love, Why are you giving apple ? Engineer answered: Because "An apple a day keeps the doctor away".



Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in!
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 05:10:41 pm by bd139 »
 
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Offline duak

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Re: engineering jokes
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2018, 07:46:19 pm »
It's not well known, but after communism fell and there was more air travel between the eastern bloc countries and the west, commercial pilots noticed that the aircraft started to behave more erratically, especially when the autopilot was engaged.  As reports piled up it was found that the effect correlated with the number of polish nationals on board.  Further investigation ruled out malicious intent and no-one had any ideas.  One day, an EE heard about the problem and instantly figured it out;  to be stable, the poles have to be on the left side of the plane.

-----------------

Edison was famous for saying that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Tesla, who once worked for Edison, was reported to have said that if Edison had learned some math, he could have avoided 90% of the perspiration.
 
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