Thanks for the replies!
1.6 mm is enough, that's what other backplanes are.
Some examples I found of commercial 3U backplanes indicated 4 mm thick backplanes, as did an old 6U VME backplane I dusted off at work. I suppose it could have been over-designed, or that VME requires higher layer count.
Should be designed so that the connector plastic directs the insertion force into the case, so no PCB flexing occurs.
The enclosure drawings show the mounting holes to be 128.55 mm apart. The DIN 41612 connector mounting holes are 90 mm apart, leaving 15 mm of PCB on each side to take up the insertion force. Maybe I need to add a stiffener? The enclosure catalog shows a direct mount, see attached.