I have the suspicion that some members have learned/decided to "weaponise" the mod's limited time and attention. The basic technique is to be sufficiently objectionable that other members become intemperate, then report a post to the mods. The mods look at that post and (understandably) don't have the time/effort/inclination to understand the entire thread, so delete that post.
I would not overthink about this. In the end, this is an electronics forum with clear rules about off-topic and personal attacks. Even without context, it can be seen from a post alone if it's off-topic, or attacking others, or otherwise against the rules. It is however true that moderators here are very inconsistent. They don't fairly delete all the posts that deserve to be deleted. But it's a different problem to what you describe. Follow the logic: there is nothing wrong in deleting the message; the problem is with not deleting others.
While there's validity there, it isn't that simple.
It is fundamentally worth understanding how a system, any system, can be gamed, so that such gaming can be spotted and challenged if necessary.
It is impossible to delete all the posts that "deserve" to be deleted, and leave the others. There cannot be useful test for the posts that fall into a grey area; too many value judgements are involved and too many people cannot be impartial. Such deletion will obscure/invalidate the subsequent discussion.
Which is exactly what I demonstrated before by pointing my finger to Dave at one of those messages that are both clearly against the rules, and formulated in a way that is likely to generate more off-topic responses. In other words, I tried to do the opposite of the pattern you are afraid of existing: show the origin of the gaming.
I have had my posts deleted (or me being "warned") a few times in a way that I felt very unfair at the time. In my mind, the moderators "should have" looked at the whole context. I felt I'm not the bad guy, but just triggered into writing what I wrote, with others being at fault. In the end, it doesn't matter. My posts were wrong, too, and rightfully edited/deleted/me being warned. I'm very happy as a whole how moderation here works, and the best you can do is to try to Do The Right Thing and stay within rules yourself; try not to respond to trolls. I know it is difficult.
I
think I've had a post silently deleted. That based on a recollection that I've made a post, and not being able to find the whole section of the thread that I think contained it.. "Rewriting history" is something I'm allergic to

Generally the moderation here is good and appropriate. Yes, mistakes have been and will be made; life is imperfect.
More importantly, even if moderation was improved (by my definition), that wouldn't solve the problem. Over the past year there have been more and more threads that
shouldn't be moderated, but which I feel devalue the overall value of the forum. Hence I
reluctantly ignore 31 members and ~200 threads[1]. I suspect TiN, T3slacoil, and others have a similar feeling. I am pretty certain bd feels that way, and he definitely won't be returning; his future contributions are lost.
I'm not sure what, if anything, can be done about that.
[1] no idea what proportion of those are merely innocuous uninteresting threads